Is anyone else just not very maternal?

[faelavie]

I'm 26w+4 at the moment with my first baby.

Pregnancy was unplanned, just kinda happened, husband and I were shocked but it felt like the right time.
Despite some ups and downs during my pregnancy (health wise) I am looking forward to meeting my little one. I love feeling him/her kick and move about.

However I'm a bit worried, because I'm really not a very maternal woman, at all. Most of my life I've focused on either my career (now established), or just having fun and doing my own thing. Never really felt a desperate need to have children, didn't get broody, never wanted to babysit for people or anything like that. No nieces or nephews or many children in the family at all, really. Didn't have strong feelings about babies one way or the other.
Most kids I've come into contact with seem to be little brats. Seen parents out and about with their screaming/unruly children and basically thanked the heavens that it wasn't me.

Now I'm worried I'm not going to adapt to motherhood because I've not really been a "kid person". I really don't want to be a crap parent but I'm worried I'm just not going to be good enough or love my child enough.

I don't suppose anyone can relate?

I have a close friend who tells me that it'll all click into place and work itself out, but she always wanted kids since forever so I'm not sure she really understands what I'm worrying about.

I agree with your friend.
My sil never wanted children. In fact she cried for weeks when she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant.
End result she went on to have a second child and is a brilliant mum. She would never have thought it would turn out like that.

This is me. Baby planned but I have never been maternal/broody-its why I’m only doing it now at 41. Scared to death I’ll be crap at it.
We’ll find out in 9 weeks....

I was you two years ago. I now have a 19 month old. Still not particularly maternal. Still don't like other people's children. Still don't enjoy all the challenges that having a child brings. But dear god I love the very bones of him. You'll be great!

It's different when it's your own baby OP. Something clicks into place the moment it's in your arms, cringey as it sounds.

Yup. Not a fan of kittens or puppies either. However baby hormones surprised me. Until youngest DC was 2 I couldn't see a baby without crying. As soon as she hit 2 I went back to normal.

I was similar to you OP. I did planned the baby but was never maternal. Think I had only held a baby once in my entire life! Now I have a DD who I love more than life with a second DC on the way! It does just sort of click as others have said. I'm still not good with other people's children but it's a different story with your own. Good luck

I'm not maternal at all even with other people's children and I don't go 'awwww' at babies but my own child is a completely different story !
You will find your own groove with being a mum , you might not be Mumsy and maternal but that's ok 👍🏻

I was you. Got pregnant on whilst on the pill only 10 months after DH and I got married. My whole family, going by my past indifference to children, thought I would be a terrible mother.

Then I saw my baby and that all flipped on it's head. I have somehow become known as the mother goose of the group amd will happily feed, change, burp, bathe and play with other peoples babies and kids.

Once you know that overwhelming sense of love for your own child you appreciate babies and kids more. You go from thinking of them as high maintenance screaming eating defacating little machines to just... awesome.

I've never been maternal at all. I love my DS passionately but I can't really stand anyone else's kids. That's never changed.
Babies do nothing for me.

I was the same as you, although planned pregnancy eventually at 37 (didn't dare leave it any longer!!). I will never forget the absolute rush of love for my DS that first day in the hospital. I discovered a side of myself I never knew was there. I love being his mum - although I went back to work full time when he was 18 months to save my sanity!

My advice is don't worry about it and just live it. Having a child is one of life's great experiences. Congratulations

I was really worried when pregnant as couldn’t find a baby I thought was cute then one day I finally saw one which was a huge relief, I was not natural with babies and toddlers though it was ok but although they are hard work, I enjoy parenting teens (most of the time)

I’m not maternal. But pregnancy restructures your brain (honestly, google it) and I found myself cooing over cute babies when I hated them before. I’ll never be supermum but I do love my DC.

I still don’t like other people’s children. I don’t understand why people let their kids have dirty faces and sticky hands and snotty noses. Or why they don’t teach them some manners. The only kids I really like belong to one particular friend, and it’s no coincidence that she wipes them regularly and they’re impeccably behaved.

Thank you for all your replies! You've made me feel so much better!

I know everyone has replied but yup that's me, the pregnancy was planned but I have never been maternal, I am 36 now. When someone showed me a pic of a baby I would say I'd much rather have a kitten or a puppy.

I am now nearly 18 weeks gone and already love the little bean inside of me which I never thought I would grow so attached to it already. I am getting a bit better with my nephews and niece (whereas before if someone offered me a baby I would decline).

I've never got the new baby thing where people gush at how lovely they are, personally I don't find them that cute so I hope to god my feelings change, which I am sure they will as it will be something me and my husband have created.

@KatieMurr completely the same for me too! Though don't have any nieces and nephews. I'm a few weeks ahead of you and I don't quite yet feel much attachment but I think that's because it's still not turned I to a bump and I can't feel anything yet (anterior placenta). I don't actually think it'll properly sink in until it arrives. I just want to get through this in one piece myself (physically and mentally).

Katiemurr I'm exactly the same. 18 weeks & I'm not one of those 'baby's people. In fact I find it hard to relate to them, sometimes find them a bit much tbh. I've only ever felt maternal over kittens.

Faelavie you'll be a fantastic Mum! How you perceive other people's children is no reflection on the love, support and values you'll provide your own with. Just because people are broody doesn't mean they'll not make selfish parents. Plus you'll have things in common with your own child.

Our baby was planned but we never knew we wanted kids before. I felt disappointed every time I had a negative test but when I got my positive I felt weird. I'm too tired to feel excited most of the time, I'm sure that'll change once I feel her move. I've never once felt broody in my life & I don't think I ever will.

There was a study done a long time ago that showed women's eyes lighting up when they seen any baby & mens eyes only lighting up when they seen their own. I will fall into the latter, tbh I think that's lovely.

The fact your thinking about all of this is telling that you're going to make a good mum

I don't do other people's babies/children. Don't really feel anything if someone's baby is put into my arms. But your own baby/children is something else entirely.

I think it's probably not the worst way to be actually. It sounds like you're your own person, you know who you are and what you want. I sometimes think the "maternal" stuff you mention is a little bit a need being expressed not just to care for the child (that's obviously part of it!), but also to fill a need in the parent.

I think it's probably not the worst way to be actually. It sounds like you're your own person, you know who you are and what you want. I sometimes think the "maternal" stuff you mention is a little bit a need being expressed not just to care for the child (that's obviously part of it!), but also to fill a need in the parent.

I've never been maternal, I would rather walk someone's dog than hold their baby. Children generally irritate me, I don't have much interest in them and little tiny babies are completely boring.

I'm now pregnant with my third child! It's different when it's your own, completely different. You'll be fine, I can't be arsed with other children at all but I think my own are brilliant.

I'm not, still don't like other people's children. Love DS more than I ever thought humanly possible. I'll still be going back to my career after mat leave though!

My first pregnancy was unplanned although we were already married. I was worried, really worried, that I would not be a good mother because I had no experience with children and did not feel maternal. Also I thought as I had never had much interest in baby clothes etc.
Long story short, I had three kids they are all school age now, and it opened up a whole new world of interests and possibilities for me.
Not every one is gaga about babies, not everyone dreams of being 'a mummy', but it takes all sorts! You will parent in your own unique way , with your child who will surprise and delight you by being exactly like you in some ways and the opposite in others. It is eye opening and fascinating, but you don't have to love every aspect of it, or do it just like everyone else.