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Original poster

A lady at work had a miscarriage last week ... should I keep the pregnancy to myself?

35 replies

MummyBear405 · 08/07/2019 16:17

Just found out that one of the ladies I work with was away last week because she had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I feel terrible for her and I can't imagine what she's going through Sad

I have my 12 week scan next week at which point I was going to announce it at work but would that be totally insensitive? I don't want to cause any grief but I do need to let them know! Confused

Should I try and talk to her or offer her a shoulder to cry on should she need it? I don't have any personal experience so I'm not sure how to approach her. Suggestions welcome!

OP posts:
maybenextmonth · 10/07/2019 18:20

@KnitKitty and @MummyBear405 I'm an idiot and tagged the wrong person in my previous post!! Confused sorry.

KnitKitty · 10/07/2019 18:35

@maybenextmonth No worries, it's always nice to feel included... Wink

TeachesOfPeaches · 10/07/2019 18:38

I've worked in 2 places where this situation has occurred and both times the woman that had the miscarriage appreciated being told in private before an announcement

TeachesOfPeaches · 10/07/2019 18:39

Also I didn't tell my work I was pregnant until 5.5 months

boosterrooster · 10/07/2019 18:48

The same thing happened to me. I felt awful. I didn't make a big announcement as I'd previously had a MC myself and knew how tough it can be hearing pregnancy announcements. I took her aside and told her and just said that I'd understand if she didn't want to go for coffee or lunch with me for the foreseeable and that I hoped she wouldn't find it difficult and assured her I didn't intend on making a big deal about it at work. I told a few people gradually after that and she ended up being absolutely fine and was happy for me, think my pregnancy had given her a bit of hope.

Congratulations btw! 😊

HiJuice · 10/07/2019 20:25

I think 12 weeks is too soon to tell work anyway (unless your work involves something inherently dangerous there's unlikely to be much you can't do till much later). Just mention confidentially to your boss if this is the case. Otherwise wait till 15 weeks before the due date

Bigbopboo · 10/07/2019 22:08

I've had several miscarriages and would have appreciated being told before it became common knowledge. Even if just by text . All you need to do is acknowledge that the news must be difficult for them.

Bol87 · 10/07/2019 22:59

12 weeks is too soon to tell work?! I guess we are all different but I couldn’t wait to tell my friends & colleagues after my scan. It was the biggest relief to tell work after the 12 week scan as I was sick as a parrot! They all agreed to stop bringing hot food into the office at lunch as the smell would make sick, the smokers temporarily shifted to a desk further away until I could bear the smell again & they all bought me endless supplies of crackers & snacks! I was also noticeably showing by 15 weeks as I’m pretty slim but the bump popped out!

I think good advice from everyone on here, how kind of you to think of your colleague and handle the situation sensitively. Even if it’s very tough for her, I’m sure in time she’ll come to appreciate your thoughtfulness. Good luck with it all Smile

Muckipup · 11/07/2019 08:51

Congrats on your pregnancy Mummybear !
I work in an office of 200+ women (handful of men) in their 20s and 30s. I’ve had several miscarriages, but chose not to share them with colleagues, as for me personally it was easier to cope at work without pitying looks and kind comments (people being nice is guaranteed to make me cry😆)
But on the many many occasions over the years when someone has told me they’re pregnant, it has been so much easier to cope with if told 1 to 1 or even better by text or email. This is because I have to try and hide my sad feelings and just show my happy feelings (I AM happy for them, just sad for myself) and this takes a bit of effort.
The big announcements, in a group of people all squealing and cooing - I find totally overwhelming and upsetting and my jaw aches from smiling and trying to join in.
As I said, all just my personal view, but if it were me, I’d most appreciate a text or email saying that you know my sad news, will not be doing a big announcement, but wanted me to know first as you can imagine it might be difficult news to hear so soon after a miscarriage.
Also, no need for any platitudes. Just acknowledging that you understand it must be shit to have a miscarriage is all that is required x

Karigan195 · 11/07/2019 08:54

I had almost this exact scenario at my work. What I did was let the bosses know and her friend who walked out with her everyday first so they could let her know discretely and in a more gentle way then after about a week I did the general announcement thing.

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