Over bearing mother

[Sleepycat91]

With my 1st, he was my mums first grand child and she was VERY over bearing. We had to buy everything she suggested or she would just go on and on and on until you got so sick of her you just got it to shut her up🙈 im a bit older now and better at telling her to butt out. 14 weeks pregnant with number 2, in no rush to buy anything and we havent got anything ourselves yet. I have an idea of what i want and a few specific things in mind, one of which was a moses basket. Shes started already and im dreading the rest of this pregnancy. I know shes excited and i am grateful, truely but shes been off buying clothes and just got a moses basket without telling me or checking and it is nice but it wasnt what i wanted and i wasnt going to ask her for anything. I really dont want to come across ungrateful because im not, but its our baby and we wanted to buy and choose our stuff ourself this time.

I know how you feel. My mum buys me maternity clothes that I don't even like and expects me to wear them every time I see her. I've tried to say no, please don't spend the money on me. But she takes no heed and it makes me feel so guilty. It's completely natural for them to be excited, but how do you stop them? If you find an answer, let me know... I know my mum's only going to get worse once baby is here - buying so many toys and clothes, but there's only so much space and she really cant spare the money, I feel like what ever I say or do I'm the bad guy and come across as ungrateful. 🤷

I think the thing is, you can't stop them but you might be able to redirect the energy.

Be super up front and honest and say that you appreciate the effort, but it's not what you wanted. I would suggest planning some dates to go shopping together so she feels involved but you can make decisions.

Think about what you could delegate - for instance you obviously care about the Moses basket but there's probably some items you really don't care that much about - you could ask your mum to get you those.

And emphasize that what you really need from her is not shopping but practical help. I don't know how far she lives, but think about asking her to babysit so you can rest or have some time with your partner. Ask her to cook some food you can pop in the freezer for when you're feeling exhausted, or to help with decorating baby's room etc etc - whatever you can think of. She obviously just wants to be involved so if you can be really clear about what you do/don't want then you might be able to turn that into something useful instead of a source of frustration?