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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Gender Disapointment - Does anyone else favour one sex over the other?

23 replies

ThinkPink · 27/07/2007 14:12

I have 3 same sex children and am pg with my 4th and final baby. I have a scan next week and am hoping beyond hope that baby will be same sex as my other 3. I really can't imagine having the opposite sex and finding the thought that it could very well be a possibility hard to handle.

Anyone any advice of whether I should find out gender at the scan or wait until the baby is born? How can I resolve these issues - at the minute I have told no one including my husband.

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CarGirl · 27/07/2007 14:15

I have 4 all the same and that was my preference, I didn't find out with the last 3 because in reality I knew although there was a preference for the same again I would be so relieved that it was over and to have a healthy baby that it will help take away any perceived disapppointment that I may have had.

I didn't want to spend my pregnancy being upset/sad/disappointed that I wasn't having what I thought I wanted.

Who knows if I'd had the opposite sex I may have been fine and happy about it anyway!

Rantmum · 27/07/2007 14:22

Is this because you think that you've mastered the art of parenting the gender that you already have, and the idea of having the opposite is scary? Otherwise, I don't understand why the issue of gender should be so important?

luckylady74 · 27/07/2007 14:23

i had no preference - though i was scared of dd1 just because i knew whyat tp do with a boy iyswim, but a friend of mine had 2 ds - wanted a scan for her 3 because she wanted time to grieve for the dd she'd never have if it were another boy - which in fact it was. she said she got all her crying out bedfore the birth and was ready to welcome her lovely new ds to the family. are there any deep reasons why you don't want the other sex - perhaps your dh would enjoy the variety?

Jbck · 27/07/2007 16:36

I think if you will really be upset, shocked or whatever at having one of the opposite sex then you should find out. It gives you the chance to get used to the idea.
We were convinced DD was a boy & we found out at 22 weeks that he was a she, I was quite sad about the little boy I'd never have but it meant that I had time to come to terms with it rather than finding out at what is potentially a stressful time, I had an emergency section & it's a big enough shock just having a baby. I think a lot of that was to do with being a first timer but as you feel quite strongly then why not find out if you can.
Strangely enough we had always thought we'd only have DD & I'm pg with no 2 but we'd both like another girl this time.
Good luck with your decision, it's a personal one & no one can say what's right or wrong for someone else.

mixedmama · 27/07/2007 16:55

Personally i would find out as if there was going to be any disapointment I could have dealt with it by the time the birth comes around. I would hate to have even a moments disapointment at the birth.

It is up to you tho and i think it is fairly split here.

RGPargy · 27/07/2007 17:12

I already have a DS and when i fell pg with this LO i was adamant that i wanted to know the sex as i was hoping for another boy, probably because i know how to deal with bringing up a boy etc.

We found out the sex of our baby yesterday and we are in fact having a little girl and i'm absolutely thrilled!! I'm not disappointed like i thought i would be - maybe because i had kind of come round to the idea of having a girl before we were told at the scan.

But i would deffo be told the sex if you think you might be disappointed. It will certainly give you plenty of time to get used to having one of the other sex. Like others have said, it would horrible to have one ounce of disappointment at the birth!

geekgirl · 27/07/2007 17:16

We did find out very early one with our third baby because I had my heart set on another girl and wanted to get over the 'disappointment' in case it turned out to be a boy.

It was indeed a boy and I did feel a bit sad about that for a short while, but then the excitement of it all took over. I had plenty of time to get used to the idea of having a boy before he was born, and was so glad we had decided to find out the sex.

hayley2u · 27/07/2007 18:17

i have a boy and this time really wanted a girl. i felt awful i just did not want another boy. i had crazy dreams that i literally was disgusted with it as a boy. i felt really tight. luckily i foug im having a girl although still convinced. its such a horrible feeling though. funnily enough next time id love another boy

hayley2u · 27/07/2007 18:18

forgot to say.i wanted to find out sx so if it was either id prepare myself as would not have heart to be dissapointed waiting till it came out.

bohemianbint · 27/07/2007 18:23

I really wanted a girl so we found out in case I was disappointed. It was a boy but to be honest with you I was pleased as punch(which surprised me!) and I love him to pieces. Don't really reckon you'd care either way, cliched as it is...

MuffinMclay · 27/07/2007 19:17

I really wanted a boy first time round, so found out the sex so that I could have time to get used to the idea of a girl (but it was a boy anyway).
This time I genuinely don't mind what sex it is.

hatrickjacqueline · 27/07/2007 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mummyto2littleprincess · 27/07/2007 22:15

i have 2 girl and am due 3rd in jan i would love a boy but as long as its healthy we really dont mind

mad4girls · 27/07/2007 22:45

please think carfeully about your reaction and about how your partner will react as once you know you cant un-lnow if you see what i mean.

i have 2 dd's and really wanted another dd so did my partner as he has 2 boys and we really wanted to find out, we found out last thursday that we are having a boy which we both expected, he was disspointed, but i was more surprised by my own disspointemnt and felt quite down for a few days, so i would suggest preparing yoursleves either way, i never wanted to know with dd1 but did with dd2 but crossed her legs so was unable to tell during preganacy,

but i have to say disspoointemnt fades fast as after spending £100 in the next sale on boys clothes i am very excited about having aboy (mainly due to the fatc i have never had one so very new to me ) just make sure you make the decision thats right for you and your dp, and your finding out for the right reasons, im glad we know now as dp's family in particular really wanted a girl as there are none in his family for 50+ yrs, so for me the pressure is off and we can look forward to a healthy boy.

good luck hope it goes well for you.

Caz10 · 28/07/2007 09:10

I really don't mean to be cheeky, but surely having a HEALTHY baby is the priority? I am only og with my 1st, so not exactly speaking from experience, but right now all I am hoping and praying for is to get to the point where I can safely deliver a healhy baby. The gender is irrelevant to be honest, I just want everything to be ok.

I would think finding out at the scan if you can sounds like the best option, since then you have a few months to get your head round it either way. Good luck!

madmumof5 · 28/07/2007 10:06

i have 5 children
with my 1st dd i didnt know what i was havin as i didnt find out i was pg till 36 weeks and i was so upset when she was a girl
i love her to bits and protect her...

when i got pg with my 2nd dd i found out at 18 weeks and after 3weeks of bein upset i started to lov the fact i was havin a girl.

when i got pg with my 3rd dd i wanted a boy again she had her legs clamped shut so i didnt find out till she was born by which time i was convinced she was a boy as i carried different i was upset when she was a girl..

when i got pg the 4th time i automatically thought i was havin a girl and was so excited when i found i was havin a boy i bonded instantly with him....

when i got pg a 5th time i changed i wanted a girl as i had the boy i wanted so when i had my 20wk scan i was gutted to be havin another boy i love him to bits and he and his brother are so close...

this goes to show how you can react i love all my children equally they are my world but i beliebve if you know from a scan you have time to prepare yourself and you bond better as the baby dont see your disapointment....

madmumof5 · 28/07/2007 10:09

please dont get me wrong i wanted all my children to be healthy to which i am glad to say they are...they are my world and despite bein a little disapointed at 1st i love and will do anything for any of them

MuffinMclay · 28/07/2007 19:03

Oh goodness yes, having a healthy child was all that really mattered, but I just found the idea of a girl really scary (probably because I was never a girlie girl, and the thought of pink things filled me with horror).

insywinsyspider · 30/07/2007 10:27

I read this last night and thought of course a healthy baby is all that matters, just heard my sil had a baby girl last night and am now very envious, have ds and have just realised how much I would love to have a daughter, got my scan next week and can't decide whether to find out as i know when they get here it shouldn't matter as long as healthy but can't decide if I need to prepare myself as I wouldn't want to be holding my newborn feeling slightly disappointed.... haven't told dh as I think he'd be upset I felt like that about our baby

Quattrocento · 30/07/2007 10:41

This whole gender issue is so difficult isn't it? My suggestion would be to find out now, to give yourselves time to get used to the idea. It's sad to think of being disappointed on the birthday.

It also means you and your friends and relatives will know what to get in terms of gifts and clothes, rather than having to stick to gender neutral presents.

SweetyDarling · 30/07/2007 10:48

I didn't know I had a preference until I found out I was having a boy and was dissapointed. It didn't take long at all before I had become very excited about the prospect of having a little man and I'm v glad I found out.

WallyHerbert · 30/07/2007 10:53

No I was never disappointed but then I do have both genders.

OTOH how can you be disappointed when your babe is presented to you?

insywinsyspider · 30/07/2007 12:39

Wally Herbert - thats what I think, I think that once I have them in my arms and they are here it won't matter, but worried in case it does... I'm sure I'll be happy whatever after the birth but in this abstract moment of pg I'm wondering if I will be a little disapointed because I think I would be if someone told me it was another ds now

I know how rubbish this sounds, guess I need to say it here rather than upset people in rl and then just snap out of it

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