I’m 22 weeks pregnant with DC2.
DC1 is 3.5 years old. During my pregnancy with him I was put under a great deal of stress due to his father wanting me to abort him/give him up for adoption. He threatened to kill himself if I didn’t. He also spat in my face outside the clinic we attended when I broke down about not being able to go through with an abortion. I was 4 months pregnant.
During my son’s life his biological dad has been in and out when he feels like and has always been more of a babysitter for want of a better word. There were days I would go to work and come home to my son in the same nappy I left him in, room around him a mess and he hadn’t left the house or been entertained for hours. There was an occasion where he left my son out in the street in a pram whilst he was in the house and the pram tipped in the road which meant my son cut the side of his head.
His father’s family admitted he’s a shit dad. He is not on my son’s birth certificate and never wanted to do be.
There’s plenty more I could go into but basically, hes not what I would call a father. I still allow contact with my son in his paternal grandmothers house but recently my son said his daddy doesn’t want to play with him, and I found out from his grandmother than it’s her that sees my son, not his dad. And in his dads company he’s managed to get hold of kitchen knives and pills etc.
Because of this I decided if he wanted to keep contact it would be better if he spent quality time with our son by taking him to a park / play centre rather than at his mums house where they’re not spending quality time together and he’s not around anything dangerous.
This opened a whole new can of worms as it fell in like witn when I went public with my pregnancy which was well after the 12 week scan and had nothing to do with my decision on their contact.
He’s now taken me to court on the matter and wants joint custody of our son, after years of me begging him to be on his birth certificate, which I believe is because he’s realised I’m pregnant and our son will have a sibling and will be raised by my partner (we don’t have a lot of contact so although he knew I had a partner he wasn’t aware we were starting a family or things were that serious).
I’ve been told my a solicitor that joint custody is a long way off but he would get parental responsibility, which is fine, but as you can imagine it upsets me that it’s taken 3.5 years and the news that I’m having a baby to make him do this.
At the moment I’m feeling so stressed and anxious about the whole situation. I’m struggling to sleep/eat and probably down to hormones I can’t look at my son without crying. I was put through hell during my first pregnancy and was so looking forward to this pregnancy with a partner who could love our children any more if he tried but i just feel this is a dark cloud looming over us. I fear greatly for my son’s wellbeing and I’ve tried to do everything that meant they would have a relationship in the hope his biological dad would be more attentive. I don’t think he is taking me to court for the right reasons and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Any advice or coping mechanisms for stress would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you if you managed to read everything!