SIL'smiscarriage - what's the right/best/nice thing to say or do - Advice please?

[QPootle]

Poor poor darling, just miscarried at technically twelve weeks but has been told baby stopped growing at 7... Have said how sorry i am, that I'm here to talk and it's specialy hard for the girls and given her the Mumsnet web address.

We're nto that close and I've had one in the past but not at a time when i was planning to have kids IYKWIM.

Advice please ladies.

Perhaps send her a card telling her you're thinking about her, and that you're happy to support her in any way she needs it.

Just listen, I think thats the best thing my friends have done for me. Let het know you are happy to talk about it. Its a horrible thing to go through. Its lovely that you want to help her. A casserole or some other comfort food is always nice to.

Think a card would be lovely. Just let her know that you are there for her. She may not respond - especially if you are not that close and may right now be relying on those closer, but she will definitely appreciate the gesture.
I know you know this also - but be there for your brother - he will be being the strong one for your SIL and will need someones shoulder to cry on.

Yes a crd will be lovely, and the opportunity to talk to you about it whenever she wants and be a shoulder to cry on.

Also note down her due date and date of miscarriage, a small note that you are thinking of her on these days would be a nice touch.

See ... Mumsnet never stops being brilliant. Thank you ladies, all very sensible, kind and thoughtful, will remember all of these things.

Must admit that marking down her due date etc had never even crossed my tiny mind.

I can't tell you how grateful I am.

Drnortherner's suggestion of a note on the due date would be especially sweet. Due dates are very hard and most people forget. For instance I get to go to my SIL's baby shower on the 14th of August, the 14th would have been my due date. I know my MIL is excited about the impending arrival ,as she should be, but a bit of a bad day for me and it has hurt my feelings a bit that she hasn't even noticed. Anyway a note and maybe lunch on the day would be just what is wanted.

A very dear friend of mine had a mc and took time off work (understandably) so I made up a little (discrete) pamper yourself pack e.g. nailpolish, bath salts etc and took it round for her. (It does depend on the individual but sometimes putting your lippy on can make a massive difference) It is so sad and you just need to let them know that you are there and ready with a hug....