AIBU to kind of want a baby shower?

[ItsMyLastOne]

My sister and I were the first to have babies amongst our friends and cousins 9 years ago and didn't know baby showers were a thing. Since then every single friend has had a surprise baby shower thrown for them except me with my second child. Now I'm due with DC3 with a big age gap so don't have any baby stuff so I know that's not the reason for it.
It's not that I want the baby stuff as such, it's more that there have been about 15 thrown in the last few years and I'm not sure why I'm the only one who hasn't had one.
FTR I know I'm being somewhat unreasonable but I'd really appreciate a get together and to not feel singled out.

You've answered why you haven't had one - when you were pregnant before you hadn't heard of them.

If you want a get-together, have one. Inviting people to 'shower' you with gifts is pretty crass though.

Sorry, didn't quite read properly. You did know about them when pg with no. 2 but didn't have a party. Why didn't you organise one? It's not difficult. You sound a bit whiny. Soz.

If you want a get-together, then throw a party.

A shower is only one kind of party, to shower someone with gifts when they first become a mother. There are so many other types of celebration you can hold.

(Unless it really is all about the gifts)

I think they are grabby and tacky tbh. If people want to buy you a present for your baby they can do, you don't need a party that screams 'buy my baby a present'. I'd never ever have one or go to one as I hate them

I did know second time but don't understand why literally every single friend has had a surprise one (before and after I had my second) but not me. I'm not sure why it'd be different for me, that's all. Others have had them for first and second children as well.
It's not that I want the stuff, I'm just saying that it wouldn't be a reason to not have one because everyone knows I don't have baby stuff anymore.
I'd actually really like the get together but it feels even more 'crass' to do it myself tbh.

I don't have any reason to throw a party tbh, so it would feel weird to do it for no reason.

You don't need a reason to throw a party, but what you want is a tacky gift grab because you feel hard done by you didn't get your entitlement to swag, gratis to yourself, of course. It's naff as AF to have a baby shower for a third child.

Get your sister to organise it.

People probably haven't thrown you one because it's your third child. I have never been to a baby shower I think they are beyond tacky, if I want to buy someone a present for their baby I will I don't want to feel like I am forced in to it

Woah, wtf?! In what way did you get that from what I said?
I'd love a get together and I've really enjoyed all the games and having a laugh at all my friends' baby showers. They've all been great fun.
I can buy stuff.
It's more like if every one of your friends was thrown a birthday party and no one had ever thrown one for you, it'd feel a bit odd.

No, it wouldn't feel a bit odd. If you choose to throw a party for someone it's a gift and something you do of your own volition, not a quid pro quo you tit for tat and point score on if they don't return the favour. It only feels odd to you because you feel entitled to have the same.

Well, baby showers are tacky af and no one should have one. I went to one once and it was just awful from start to finish. It's grabby, the 'games' are shit and the whole thing is cringe.

But... you claim you want a get together? Have one. Say to your friends you'd like a little get together before baby, maybe a meal/ afternoon tea?

Baby showers really get a bad rep in this country. When I was growing up in South Africa I remember going to many as a child and as an adult. It doesn't need to be seen as 'grabby' or 'tacky'
It was originally a time for all the women to come round to the person expecting and give reassurances and support for the life change about to happen. How is it any more grabby then a birthday party? If you're throwing the baby shower or it still costs money for food and games. Yes, the soon to be mother gets presents... But why the judgment for that??? So what? OP... Throw your own party! Enjoy it! Your baby is going to be here soon and it'll be wonderful to spend that time with the females in your life becoming excited for the new baby. Congratulations btw!

How do you know they aren't planning a surprise baby shower for you!?😉🤞🏻

Im pregnant with my third and final baby and have never had a baby shower so i was debating organising one, its about friends and family getting together, playing games, talking about pregnancies and births, and enjoying the time before babys here, if they didnt turn up with a gift i wouldnt turn them away😂 its not about the gifts, and even if they did buy one, it doesn't need to be expensive? You can grab a baby grow in a sale for a couple of quid, don't expect them to turn up with a pram.. and i would be spending a fair bit of money on decorations, food and drink etc myself.. do what YOU want @ItsMyLastOne.. your friends and family clearly enjoy baby showers so im sure they would love to come 😘😘👌🏼 xx

Whoa people are so harsh about baby showers. I guess they're not a thing in the UK? In Australia I've been to a couple and they are not seen as grabby because really it is supposed to be something that your friends organise for you. I get why you are disappointed but I think it really comes down to the fact that they weren't a thing when you had your first and people just haven't thought of the fact that you might like one for your third. Just thoughtlessness rather than being less loved I'm guessing. I think it would be weird to organise a baby shower for yourself but I have known some people to organise "welcome baby bbqs" . If you put "no gifts necessary" then you won't look grabby and tbh people who want to will probably still bring gifts.

Some people are being very harsh OP. I completely understand you wanting one, it might be your third but you still want to feel that love and support around you. I think the games are fun! Why not ask your sister in a round about way but you can specify "no gifts" if you are worried about looking grabby!

@ItsMyLastOne I’m with you! On dc4 now and never had 1 with any of the others and same as you there has been a big age gap so starting all this baby buying from scratch as I have nothing! (I have pretty much everything already now so I’m not after gifts as such)
But people I know all seem to have had showers arranged for them (some of them have had baby showers for each child not just the first - 1 has just had a surprise shower for her 4th for example and her 3rd is only a year old) and I’ve not had one ever.
I also don’t know why people have such an issue with them 🤷🏼‍♀️ Would be nice for people to get together and celebrate before the baby comes! But equally, I can’t be bothered to organise anything 🤣 so I can’t really complain either! And tbh my dc1 was born the day before my birthday and for the past 12 years my birthday has been forgotten about too! I just fade into the background lol x

Goodness, what nasty rude comments. Just because you don't want one doesn't mean the rest of the world has to agree with you! In North America they are considered absolutely normal and nothing grabby about it, it's to celebrate the new upcoming arrival and gifts are nice but not expected. Some people are just so miserable honestly!

In North America it's a cultural thing, dating back to the early settlers. It's really interesting how American culture came about and baby showers in particular were a way for the new communities to come together as mums may not have family or friends in a new settlement/town. In the UK baby showers have been adopted by people who want presents and have tainted the meaning, which is why they are considered grabby and crass. It's not about community, it's shit games, tacky gender stereotypes and 'gimme gimme' attitude to presents.

I know one person in particular who has now thrown herself 3 baby showers, the last one was a £65 a head afternoon tea that she expected everyone to chip in and pay for her and then sent a gift list around with nothing under £30 and a note saying gender neutral gifts only and everyone could buy a pink or blue gift when baby arrived.... so saying pay for me to eat then buy me 2 gifts.

In the UK women of Indo, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi origin have always had baby showers. They were designed to play a double role as the woman and baby’s ‘living funeral’ as women often left for their maternal homes afterwards and never returned.

In N. America it's for a first child, it's not organised by you, either.

I don’t get why people think they’re grabby. I’m having two with my first both have been organised by other people. For me it’s a chance to meet my friends one last time before the baby takes over my life for a bit. I don’t understand the hate for them honestly.