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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

18 and pregnant?

5 replies

ohmydarlinh · 26/06/2019 20:00

I really need some advice. I've never posted on here but it seemed a good place to start. I turned 18 last week so only just really started being an adult. I'm also a student. A few days ago I found out I'm pregnant and I'm terrified. I swore to myself I'd never have kids and I have no money at all, a very unstable job, a boyfriend who is more bothered about sex and videogames that's unemployed. I'm fucked. I don't know what to do and I've built up walls of tv shows and movies to distract me which worked at first but now I'm completely stuck. I don't even want to think about what to do with it, my boyfriend is severely against abortion but I know I can't live with a baby when I have no way to provide for it. Help.

OP posts:
Starlight84 · 26/06/2019 22:52

Hi. I didn’t want to read an run. Not really sure what to say. Do you have family or friends you can talk to? Xx

Karigan195 · 26/06/2019 22:59

Firstly it is not your boyfriends decision. It is your body and your decision.

I would suggest you start by having a chat with someone independent. Many women’s health clinics offer counselling re pregnancy or your university may be able to help.

Once you’ve had a chat about the options and thought about what YOU want then go from there.

fonxey · 26/06/2019 23:19

The others are right. Your boyfriend's opinion frankly, are of little importance. He isn't going to be able to help you. He doesn't seem mature... Although i guess he's 18 too so perhaps it's just a given! But being pro life... With what reasons? It's all very well being pro life but what's he got to provide?

This is going to be the rest of your life, and the child's. But you do need to deal with it asap before it gets too late.

Whether you decide to keep it or terminate is your decision. You need to tell someone who you can trust to be on your side. Them you need to start making the necessary appointments. It'll be hard but what's done is done. Faster you deal with it the sooner you can get on with moving forward.

PooWillyBumBum · 27/06/2019 06:45

Hi,

You say you’re a student - please seek out some counselling through your youth service or, failing that, you may be able to arrange some through your GP to help you figure this out.

Your boyfriend does not get a say in the matter. Especially if you can’t rely on him to help with a baby. If you’ve already made up your mind go straight to BPAS and they’ll help you.

I had my first at 18 and - although it all turned out okay - it drastically altered the course of my life and I definitely wouldn’t recommend the experience!

Good luck to you!

EmeraldRubyShark · 27/06/2019 07:54

You need some professional support OP. Go see your GP ASAP and ask for a referral to someone who can help you to decide what you want to do about this pregnancy. Reason I suggest this route is to access a service that is unbiased as there are dangerous organisations around that mask as pregnancy advice but are actually religious and will subtly, or not so subtly, imply that you shouldn’t abort.

This is your decision, it’s your body. You’re the person who will have to grow the baby, potential suffer injury during birth or health issues, your ability to work and being an income in will be compromised, he’s entitled to his views but it’s not his body and so the final decision rests with you. I wouldn’t normally advocate deception but if you’re frightened of his reaction if you do decide to terminate some women for their own safety simply say they’ve had a miscarriage. Miscarriages are common. Relationships while so young are unlikely to last anyway so please do what you feel is right for you, not him.

I get the sense you’re leaning towards termination which is a very valid choice, you sound wise and mature enough to know that you don’t have the resources to have a baby, babies require money and there’s no way I could have supported myself, independently, plus a child at eighteen even though I was working. If you’re living with parents still you have to bear in mind they might not accept you starting a family under their roof. I think given your circumstances, age, and lack of desire for kids, terminating sounds like the kindest decision for both you and the potential baby (who at this stage is very much not yet a baby!).

It’s absolutley your decision, I wouldn’t wait before seeing the GP (make an emergency appointment, or go to a walk-in) as the sooner you see them the more options are available to you for termination (a day or two can be the difference between being able to take a pill and have something similar to a heavy period and needing surgery). Remember you don’t ever have to go through with it until the time comes. And if you decide you do want kids in the future this won’t affect your chances, many women who have wanted, planned children have had previous terminations. You get to decide whether you want a child or not. I wish you all the best and feel free to come back if you need support.

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