I've just hit a wall. I haven't stopped crying in days and I don't feel excited. I'm just completely mentally and physically exhausted.
Struggled with infertility for two years, finally conceived via clomid, EPU warmed pregnancy wasn't viable as HCG not doubling. Told to wait for miscarriage to start. Never did but spent weeks crying and waiting. Had no confidence in the pregnancy ever since still convinced it would go wrong.
Hyperemesis kicked in. Being sick over 40 times a day. Couldn't even keep tablets down to stop it. Daily injections in my bum and 33 overnight stays in hospital for severe sickness and dehydration.
Came back high risk at combined screening. Scary invasive testing and weeks of mental torture. Everything came back clear.
Growth scan pointed out extremely short femur, referral to fetal medicine. Yet more agonising waiting. All clear.
Anterior placenta since day dot, never really felt much movement. So far had over 70 admissions for reduced movements. I'm lucky to feel baby move once or twice a day. Now having daily monitoring for the rest of my pregnancy.
Now at 36+5 baby has decided to turn breech. I'm just so fucking done.
I just feel hollow. I haven't bonded with my bump at all. I live in constant fear that something is wrong and pregnancy is the worst thing I've ever been through. My mental health is in tatters. I don't know how much more I can take. I broke down in hysterics to my midwife today saying I want the baby out. I know there's nothing I can do but wait, but fuck this.