Sort of AIBU but more of a rant..

[Louray]

I’m due to give birth in 8 weeks and my partner and I were discussing the birth. I’m having him and my mum there and although DH said he would rather it just be the two of us he understands that it’s my choice.
He told me last night in the words of my MIL that “as soon as she gets a twitch I’ll be there” meaning PIL’s want to come to hospital and wait while I’m in labour and giving birth. He even went as far as to say “They’ll just wait in the cafe or put an air bed up at work”(which is round the corner, they only live 20 mins from hospital anyway)
My face must have said it all because he then said “Of course we will play it by ear and if you’re not ready they won’t come in until you are”
I appreciate that but how can I say no when they’re sat waiting outside!? I said to him that I’d rather they weren’t waiting to come while I’m lay legs all over covered in blood in a joking manner and he started to understand.. I think.
The problem is our friends recently had quite a traumatic birth and didn’t want any visitors until the day after (which was Boxing Day) and my Dh’s nan started spouting off about how it’s ridiculous that they made the Grandparents wait that long (less than 24 hours) I replied that it had been quite traumatic to which she replied “Well I think it was a horrible thing to do”
Basically there’s not much point to this post other than to rant and get my anxieties out as I know I can speak to my midwives about letting people in etc but I’m stewing over it a lot (hormones) and need to know that I am still sane?!
Well done if you made it this far 😂

I had my baby two weeks ago, and before the birth I felt the exact same as you. I even didn't want people knowing I was in labour, and I only had my fiancé and my mum in the room.

HOWEVER, the birth was quite traumatic and we had a few scary moments, and I could see that both my mum and my fiancé needed some support, so I was happy for them to reach out to others. I was quite unwell after the birth too which actually worked in our favour because people didn't just turn up at hospital and they were quite respectful.

I feel your pain OP, my MIL has said the same thing and I also just want my mum and partner in the room with me.

So I'm literally just not going to tell anyone apart from them I'm in labour! I do not want people coming in and visiting the baby without a second care about how I'm feeling, and will let them visit when I'm good and ready. (Only with prior confirmation and a date/time set from me before hand, I'm really being quite uptight for the first time in my life haha)

@IntoValhalla I completely agree, no right at all to be honest.

OP, don't forget this time is about you, you are the one who needs to be as comfortable as possible and you should definitely put your foot down about the things you want!! - and good luck (-:

I told my dh with the first baby, and the same with the one we're now expecting, there will be no people waiting in waiting rooms, and tbh our labour wards don't even have waiting rooms, they would be hanging around the main hospital waiting room which is grim at the best of times.

Giving birth is one of the hardest things a woman can do, I didn't want any additional pressure on me other than to focus on me and baby. The thought of people sitting in a waiting room expectantly waiting to meet a baby gives me the horrors. What if something goes wrong? What if labour lasts a couple of days?

Tbh I blame American TV shows, it seems the woman goes into hospital, all the friends and family turn up and loiter in the waiting room for a bit, and then in the next scene a perfectly healthy mum and clean fresh baby are inundated dated with visitors. It has no resemblance to real life.

I was in hospital a week with my prem baby. We had been told to prepare to go home twice so the third time I didn't particularly prepare to avoid the awful disappointment if we were told we couldn't leave. We were given a time in which we would be given test results. In-laws had travelled to London to meet baby (didn't ask, just came), partner told them we would let them know after the time of results whether to come to hospital or we would see them at home. When we rang to say we could go home they were sat in the hospital canteen - I refused to let them come up and said they needed to stick to plan. I don't think they were happy but tough. New mum and baby have to come first. Your mental health is important after birth and things have to be done your way or you will suffer, the reality of being solely responsible for a little human is a massive shock to the system so look after yourself and your views as a mum and thats the rules!