So confused! Do I try again?

[Roughday]

So on the 10th of June I gave birth to my sleeping angel at 25+4 , it was clear that she had already been gone for around two weeks as she was so small , I had no clue at all .
Her little funeral is currently being arranged and I just feel so lost.

She was most definitely a happy opps baby. I am 35 ( 36 this year) and DH is 36(37 this year) and we already have 3 wonderful children aged 17,16 and 10!

I was in shock when o found out I was pregnant as we had said we were finished at #3 . Obviously all the normal concerns with starting over , childcare etc ( I was a sahm with the other 3 , but with this baby I was going to go back to work after maternity leave . Not a fantastic paid job but we were going to male it work )

Now I’m just so lost ! I desperately want my baby but I know I can’t have her now. I’m torn as to weather we should try again or not ! One minute I want too , the next all of the fears from work/ childcare come back ! I mean we aren’t rolling in it , we are just an average family and I know we would’ve been fine at a push . I also worry I’m too old (had a couple comments on my age when found out I was expecting) and also the age gap with the current DC

I dont really know what I’m asking here , just getting everything down I suppose . I read treads on here and so wish I was pregnant again. Then just get filled with fear

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Have you spoken to your DH about how you are feeling and see how he feels?

Yes I have , I know my DH would love to try again , but he says that ultimately it’s my decision. He is a gods hands on dad so have no doubt about anything in that sense .
I just feel like maybe the age gap is too big ? Should we just enjoy life together now ? ( DC would all be a year older by the time I have another)
But then I think sod it ! Have another , kids are our life anyway and the older two will be old enough to take care of themselves iyswim ! ( not in a horrible way at all just that they will soon have there own lives )

I’m just so torn , if I had more money I’d do it in a heartbeat ! But really the only thing that will change a lot is the childcare ! Which will only be for around 18 months ! Until I can get baby into preschool ( 18 months after the initial 10 months of maternity leave )

And am I too old ? If I try again and am successful within the year then I will be 37 ! I’ll have a teenager in my 50s ! Is that too old ? Is it too late for me and DH to have our long awaited quality time ? ( although we love being parents and love our little family so it keeps us going and happy )

So sorry for your loss its the worst pain to go through,i lost a baby at 20wks & the only thing that got me through it was getting pregnanat again,it was 11years ago & i had 3 more babies since she died & pregnant now at age 39. It doesnt take the pain away having more but did help with my mental health so without getting pregnant again i hate to think where i would be. But will say being pregnant again u will worry more but its worth the worries.
If u want another baby i would say yes go for it, things will fall into place with childcare etc ,your not too old but wouldnt wait until my age.
Also i would say talking helps u get through the pain keeping it in will drive u crazy x

Also age gaps doesnt matter mine are 21,18,10,8 and 6 and this one will be born nov. I think it would depend on how u would feel not having anymore would u be ok with it? It does seem you are split 50/50 on what to do. Take your time you have been through so much x

@Angelinthenightx

That’s reassuring! How long after your lost little angel did you try again ? Do I have to wait for my first proper period ?

And it does feel like no one really understands the pain doesn’t it . Just because she”wasn’t here “ but she was here , she was inside me , it feels like people treat it as a miscarriage ( had one of those too before my 10yr old a MMC and it’s jist so different ... although both upsetting in different ways )

Hi i waited 3 months due to getting a infection after i gave birth to her but if your well ,i think the doctor would say try when your ready.i hate when people say it was a miscarrige too as we gave birth its hard to go through. I hope u had a fast labour ,mine was a hour so i was lucky that way,we also had a funeral, with time it will get better,i still have down days but having more babies did help me a whole lot ,it may not do that for some people but for me its what made me carry on x

I was in for a whole week as labour would not progress, just kept coming on strong then stopping ! It was so tough physically and emotionally. I was actually booked in for a section in the end but she came the early hours of that morning very quickly ! It really has been awful . And now we gave her funeral in a few days