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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Found out shes pregnant at 6 months

19 replies

Scared25 · 23/06/2019 18:09

Hi there, although I am a man and not a mom, I have concerns and am looking for some thoughts and advice. My girlfriend just found out she is 23 weeks pregnant. She has always had crazy irregular periods and her at home tests came back negative, no symptoms except some nausea and bloating. She went to get checked thinking she may have cysts on her ovaries or fibroids, comes to find out there is a baby in there. Our concern is that she has been drinking this entire time, also smoked a cigarette or 2 everyday. We are extremely worried about the baby and would like to hear some similar stories and some good insight on how to handle this.

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ParkheadParadise · 23/06/2019 18:17

I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 5mths with dd2. I also had alcohol. I was completely shocked.
Dd2 was born healthy, 4mths later.

Scared25 · 24/06/2019 01:00

Thank you for sharing, I am terrified...

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TrixieFranklin · 24/06/2019 01:25

How much drinking? A glass a night is very different from a bottle a night!

rubyroot · 24/06/2019 01:29

So my dr told me that fetal alcohol syndrome occurs when there’s been a LOT of drinking.

Of course they tell you there’s no safe amount and we all do our best when we know not to drink. Chances are your baby will likely be fine. But we’re not really experts so a discussion with gp may put your mind at rest

Scared25 · 24/06/2019 01:33

Shed go out with friends about once week and drink a few beers and a couple shots. Then a glass of wine or a bottle or 2 of beer at night sometimes.

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Scared25 · 24/06/2019 01:36

She went to another state to visit family a week ago and got drunk with a friend. More than the okayed glass of wine...

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Skittlesandbeer · 24/06/2019 01:43

Congratulations!

I really think that apart from asking about extra fetal testing, you can crack on with processing this momentous news, and getting the practical things ready.

I was born in 1971, in an upper middle class community. Many of the mums smoked and drank during pregnancy- even those non-addicted. In fact my mum tells me some women took up or increased smoking, to try and reduce the birthweight of the babies (presumably makes for an easier labor). I know, pretty shocking! But my point is this was normal.

If I think of my primary school, there was no more incidence of disability then, following these pregnancies. Families we knew didn’t have more kids born with problems. I suspect there might have been more early miscarriages, but no late-term ones (I’d remember).

We are right to worry about drinking and smoking in pregnancy, now that we know. It seems obvious to (most of) us to not do it (not even once) but don’t forget that we’re only the 2nd generation in human history to think this way. And public health campaigns have to use scare tactics in order to cut through the cultural noise and get heard.

I’m also tempted to say that looking backwards and hand-wringing won’t change anything. It’s normal to feel this way- a potent mixture of fear, shame, guilt and shock. But in order to give this wonderful little human a great life, start looking forwards. Once they’re born, kids mostly prevent you looking back or ahead, they certainly focus you on ‘living in the moment’!

greatandpowerfulozma · 24/06/2019 01:54

One of my best friends was in a similar situation to you only she found out when she was 8 months! It was a massive shock and yes she’d been drinking fairly heavily throughout almost her whole pregnancy (not ridiculously but not just a glass of wine either).

Her little boy is healthy happy and lovely no problems at all. About to turn 2 and is adorable.

I on the other hand found out at 4 weeks. Did everything by the book as much as possible and my dd has experienced all kinds of problems missing milestones etc. Sad

I obviously can’t say what will happen with your baby but it’s certainly not a foregone conclusion that there will be problems. Speak to your GP/ health visitor and hopefully they can reassure you. Also congratulations Xx

Tavannach · 24/06/2019 02:03

It doesn't sound too bad. Good food and rest, and don't stress.
Congratulations!

HennyPennyHorror · 24/06/2019 02:06

I didn't know I was pregnant for quite some time...I was three months gone and had drunk alcohol and smoked a lot. I was quite wild and thin so my periods were non existent.

DD is 14 now and fine.

HennyPennyHorror · 24/06/2019 02:07

As soon as we found out, I began eating very well....stopped drinking and smoking and had an excellent diet.

Scared25 · 24/06/2019 02:47

Thanks "skittlesandbeer". I also think about those days where women smoked and drank like. Thank you those of you sharing. It just really nerve racking that we havnt known for 6 months, we cant go back in time and do things right. We are making an appointment tommorrow morning since today is Sunday and we just found out Friday. Does anybody have any info in what type of tests are best to see how the babies organs and body is developing? Is an ultrasound or sonogram better? We just want to make sure the baby is growing right so we can take some of this horrible anxiety off of us

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LoveYourHome9 · 24/06/2019 03:11

I found out i was pregnant at 22 weeks. Like your GF, I had irregular periods and pregnancy test had been negative.

Like you it was quite a shock.

I had also been drinking as per usual, not too heavy but I had been on a hen weekend and a few nights out!

All was well, no issue at all with baby

Talk to your docs and then try to relax and enjoy what’s left of your pregnancy.

Newbie21 · 24/06/2019 03:12

@Scared25 speak to the midwife and they will certainly refer for a scan which can check growth. Different scans are possible at different times in pregnancy but your midwife will tell you.

memaymamo · 24/06/2019 03:40

There's really nothing you can do now but try to be healthy and relaxed (easier said than done). Is your GF taking a pregnancy multivitamin now?

The statistics about alcohol etc are to do with risk, they aren't saying a child will definitely be affected, just that risks are increased.

If your GF hasn't been getting falling about drunk regularly, it doesn't sound like the end of the world.

memaymamo · 24/06/2019 03:41

Is an ultrasound or sonogram better?

I thought they were the same thing..?

HJWT · 24/06/2019 04:29

@Scared25 are you in the US? Do you have private clinic out there were you can book an ultrasound ? I would get in ASAP to get baby looked at before it becomes to big to see everything!

I studied FAS at college and the likelihood of your baby having FAS from what you have said is very low, she would have to drink more than 3 bottles of wine a week for it to start to have any effect and even then its just luck or not whether a big amount goes through the placenta !

Try not to worry to much, this sort of thing happens all the time believe it or not but most women don't realise till they are in labour!

PetraRabbit · 24/06/2019 12:35

Scared25. This is a UK site so bear in mind our healthcare system here is very different. A US website forum might be more helpful for suggesting what to do next. I agree you need to get a scan (ultrasound) done asap to check the baby is looking healthy. I'd say the same if she had been a non-drinker who found out at 6 months too.
And wishing you lots of luck. You sound very supportive and she'll need you to be at her side at this time- it must have been quite a shock to find out!

PetraRabbit · 24/06/2019 12:35

bare in mind 😀

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