Seriously - why does pregnancy make people think it’s ok to reach out and prod, touch, pat my tummy???

[Saladinthesun]

This is my first pregnancy and I’m just gobsmacked. Sure I’d heard of this phenomenon but never experienced it. My friends, colleagues and even my mum have asked if I’m ok with them feeling my tummy and because they checked first I felt ok letting them, or felt comfortable saying no if my tummy was sore (I get sore skin round belly button) or if I just didn’t want them to. Strangers and MiL think it’s a free for all!!! Wtaf?!? I wouldn’t go up to someone (whether they were friend, family or stranger) and touch their stomach.. I’m basically just having a rant but please enlighten me as to why some people think it’s ok to just reach out and help themselves because I’m growing a person?!?

Last week my mother (we aren't close) decided the first thing she would do when she saw me is poke me in the stomach and comment on my size 🙄 not cool

MIL did this to me at about 14 weeks. I was like - that's just me! I visible shrank away from her. She seemed surprised, and I told her I don't like being touched. She has form for bump-touching from DS1. I'm going to have to keep an eye on her!

Luckily I mostly haven't had this, as I'm not sure I could cope with strangers touching me!

MiL went through a phase of rubbing my stomach (even when there was nothing there) every time she saw me and saying "how's my little grandchild?!", one day I rubbed her stomach back and said "fine thanks, how's his grandma?!".... she's never done it since 🙊 She eyes my stomach like she's about to but I think she knows better now!

I'm not sure why people do it, but it is generally random strangers more than people I know.

My reaction is to touch their belly back, or stroke their faces in some cases, it's hilarious to see their reactions (it was my dad's idea)

Ive found that people also feel they have free reign to comment on the size of your bump too. Im sick of being told how huge I am!

rubbing them back is a brilliant and hilarious idea 😂😂 id like to say I’ll try it but honestly don’t know that I’m brave enough! I’d like to have the balls to do that though!!
Oh and yes!! Being told how big I’m getting I mean I know it’s a good thing baby is growing but honestly... at no other time is it deemed acceptable to say such things (my haven’t your boobs grown/goodness me you’ve put weight on...you just wouldn’t!!) I’m the one waddling around so yes perfectly aware how my body is changing

I don't mind as long as they are not strangers. Work colleagues, mum, mum in law I don't mind. I'm not touchy-feely myself and deffo wouldn't go around patting bumps unless invited. Actually my mil resisted the urge, i should have just said go ahead.

I don't know why I'm not bothered by it. Unless it's a state or someone i don't like... I don't care. It's not as if i like it/want it, just not something that offends me.

I've had it from SIL and MIL. I can see my DM wants to but she knows I don't like it. SIL now asks.... so kinda feel have to say yes. MIL is completely inappropriate! I mentioned when we were at park and baby was moving and she put her head on my lap!!!! Told her it was weird but she didn't stop. I'm not planning to visit for a while!

I want to be brave to rub peoples belly's back, but haven't had a stranger do it to me yet.

It used to drive me mad as well OP.

I wasn't quite up to "rubbing" them back but my standard response was "is this your way of telling me you want me to rub your belly?" and hold my hand out as if to give it a go.

Funnily enough the reaction was always to step back to protect their personal space having just invaded mine...

Worked a treat and people only did it once

If you're not up to rubbing back you might want to give this method a try!!!

I just don't get why people get so upset about this. Its a happy thing and people just can't help themselves. I guess I am one of those belly touchers! When I see a friend with a big belly, I just have to touch it. Also, I have had two dc already and pregnant with my third....I do not mind one bit if people want to pat my belly. I enjoy being pregnant...I enjoy my belly and if people want to pat and acknowledge the belly, I am happy for them to.

It bothers me more that people seem to feel they have a right to comment on my size. Midwife says he's just where he should be at 27weeks, I feel massive and I'm really uncomfortable with spd and pelvic pain, but people keep saying "ooh bump is only small isn't it?"

I hate it too - my MIL does it and it's such an invasion of personal space. I also hate the comments about how big I am and how people can't believe I've still got 2 months left. If people were deliberately trying to make me self conscious about my size they couldn't do a better job of it - I havent worked out a snappy reply for what I should say back to people.

The only people who can stroke my tummy, pregnant or not, are DH and DS. Everyone else can bugger off! It's intimate, invasive and inappropriate.

@Mamabear12 I don’t mind so much if someone has asked first..because then if I’m not comfy with it or my tummy’s actually a bit sore that day I can say no, I’m not a prude or anything but I do find it really bizarre people wouldn’t touch my stomach otherwise and wouldn’t even think of prodding me when not pregnant if you like it then that’s great, everyone’s different I’m just amazed some people think my tummy is fair game 😂
@EllebellyBeeblebrox same here with SPD!

Mama with all due respect it doesn't matter if you don't get it and are fine with it.

Many, many pregnant women are not and find it a gross invasion of their personal space.

If you are a "belly rubber" then the courteous and kind thing to do is to ask, rather than assume.

People like yourself will be happy to oblige.

Those who are not have the opportunity to say they'd rather you didn't (and for goodness sake don't follow up by comments about being a spoilsport or similar - accept it and move on).

@LittleAndOften yes!! Even though it’s not breasts or genitalia it does feel intimate and not an appropriate place to touch without invitation/checking first. It’s so different to people touching your shoulder for example in sympathy or a pat on the back.
@DeRigueurMortis I may try that! But I still think I won’t have the balls to even do that but I till try

OP the key is not to overthink it

Fortunately, not had any strangers try... yet... but DH started a habit of spontaneously lifting my shirt in public(!) when talking about my bump... had to stop that, and fast!

When I was pregnant with DS I went to a wedding. We walked into the venue, some tipsy woman cried out, came over to me, dropped to her knees and started kissing my bump.

Too much!!

When I was out shopping a lady came up to me, grabbed my belly and said OMG not long till your baby is here! Then she walked away giggling. I have no idea who she is

😂😂 all your stories are making me laugh so much! Thankfully I’ve not had DH lifting my top or any one kiss the bump but it’s so funny hearing your experiences

this never happened to me. I'm obviously given off don't fucking touch me vibes - smile less!

@NervousBFP Ohhh the bump size comments are the worst!! People keep telling me how big I am, or how big the baby is going to be, then looking at me like I'm lying when I say I'm measuring bang on the 50% line. It's giving me a right complex, I even found myself planning how I was going to lose all this extra weight that is making me soooo big after baby arrives, which is ridiculous really.

@crazycatlady7 She put her head on your belly?!?!?!?! Omfg I'd have pushed her right off me- not even my DH does that, talk about a lack of boundaries!!!!

The bump touchers are weird. I mean, friends and family who ask first, ok, I can let you off. But strangers? Weird. Had a conversation with the lady in the chemists the other day that went like this;
Her: Ooh still hanging on?
Me: (smiles and nods)
Her: Is it twins?
Me: Nope. Definitely just the one.
Her: Oh! Lots of water?
Me: 😐 Nope. Normal amounts of water.
Her: Oh! Big baby?
Me: Nope! NORMAL SIZE.
So fucking rude. I was actually gob smacked.