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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else hate their mother while pregnant?

18 replies

Squiddley28 · 13/06/2019 06:33

I am so furious with my mother that I am shaking and wondering if anyone else has developed a hatred of their mother while pregnant?

I have always had a close relationship with her and she is a wonderful mother and grandmother but even looking at her makes me boil lately. I can't stand the look or sound of her and normally we share absolutely everything with each other.

I am 16 weeks pregnant and she is so excited to be getting another grandbaby. She asked me when I told her I was pregnant if she could tell her best friend and I said no, she had to wait. She tried to act OK about it but I could tell she was upset and it made me angry that she would even think to ask if she could tell someone.

A few weeks later I was letting my sisters tell some of their friends and she asked again to tell her BBF, again I said no. I told her to stop asking, that I would tell her when she could tell her. Then after my 12 week scan once again she asks...this time not 'can I tell.....?' but a sarcastic sounding 'So when do you think I will be able to tell.....?'

By now I am feeling totally harrassed. It is MY pregnancy to announce, not hers and I felt like she just would not get off my case and very bluntly told her this. She didn't ask again but it's 4 weeks later and I overheard her telling my sister earlier that she can't wait to share the news of HER grandbaby with her best friend and it felt so freaking passive aggressive towards me!!

I got so furious that she will not freaking let this go and keeps on pushing it that I ended up telling her that she has become so annoying that she can NEVER tell her friend and that now I am not even going to let her see my baby for the first 24 hours. Her eyes filled with tears and then I screamed that she will NEVER see MY baby if she doesn't start listening to me and respecting my wishes.

My sister left in shock and my Mum went to her room. She has been crying in there for hours now and my blood is boiling. Part of me is so glad I have hurt her and the other part of me is absolutely appalled. Of course she wants to tell her best friend... who wouldn't? But at the same time, isn't it up to ME when she tells people? Why am I acting like a spoilt brat and why do I suddenly hate the woman that has been my best friend my whole life?

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a hormone thing? Please someone tell me that this will get better.

OP posts:

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gerispringer · 13/06/2019 06:35

I think you need some counselling.

OldUnit · 13/06/2019 06:37

I'm sure your 'hatred' of her will subside when you need her for babysitting.

Teddybear45 · 13/06/2019 06:37

Speak to your midwife. Outbursts like this is exactly how my sister’s antenatal depression started - that shit only becomes worse after you give birth.

cranstonmanor · 13/06/2019 07:00

You have been unbelievably controlling. This is not normal behaviour.

froot · 13/06/2019 07:14

Not my mother, but my DP drove me mad until our DC was about a year old....it was totally my own problem, it's a very stressful time and it gets a lot harder once the baby arrives

This doesn't sound rational at all, definitely speak to your midwife... and maybe apologise to your mother x

Myla07 · 13/06/2019 07:24

Wow this post...

You should think yourself lucky you still have a mother who sounds so caring and excited for you, think about people who dont have a mom... please get yourself some help!

7yo7yo · 13/06/2019 07:26

You sound like you need help.

Original poster

Squiddley28 · 13/06/2019 07:27

Thank you. I have a doctor appointment next week so will try to discuss it then. I know I am sounding like a horrid irrational cow, I do know that, I just don't know why. I have no idea where these feelings have come from but they are so intense and awful.

OP posts:

Sandybval · 13/06/2019 07:35

Wow it's good you have an appointment to speak to someone to be honest, this doesn't sound like the stress is doing you any favours. Hope it goes well and you can forgive your mum, sounds like she is just excited about having a grandchild, and has been asking and respected your wishes. Does it really matter if she tells her friend?

yellowgreenbluepurple · 13/06/2019 07:40

I really hope this is made up, of not you're a horrendous person OP.

IceCreamSoda99 · 13/06/2019 07:48

Have you apologised to your mum? Explain how you are feeling and how you know you are being unfair. I get feeling angry when people want to announce your news but then I wouldn't let my sister tell people and not my mum.

mummywingingit · 13/06/2019 07:50

OP I was very similar to you with both mum and MIL - they both annoyed me so much over everything and anything...kept calling my bump 'their' baby, wanted to put my scan pic in a frame, telling me what pram I was having etc
Firstly - I went to doc and told them I felt like my depression was creeping in - I was diagnosed with antenatal depression and put on sertraline
Secondly - it passed as I got further into pregnancy and once baby was here
Thirdly - most of it will be hormones too...just speak to your mum and explain you didn't mean to be quite so harsh, but you're finding her a little overwhelming with her excitement and set some boundaries.

coral13 · 13/06/2019 08:07

You're being horrendous. The fact you've let your sister tell a friend but not your mum, if course she will ask again.

I hope she doesn't offer to babysit after being such a bitch.

Bookworm4 · 13/06/2019 08:11

Stop being so precious, your pregnant nobody cares who tells them, it’s not the resurrection of Christ himself. Your poor mum,would you rather she didn’t care?

SundayMorningSun · 13/06/2019 08:17

PP are being extremely harsh - you are not a horrible person.

However, it does sound like the combination of hormones / understandably being overwhelmed about being pregnant / your mum being very excited very early has made you over-react.

When you've calmed down, it would be a good idea to apologize to your mum, explain that you've been experiencing some mood swings, and that you're talking to the GP about it. But also say that you felt like she's been putting pressure on you to handle pregnancy announcements a certain way, and you've found that difficult when you were still getting your head around things.

It sounds like she cares a lot, and she'll want to support you however she can. Good luck.

foreverhanging · 13/06/2019 08:19

Op my mum has form for this sort of stuff and also tried to force me to tell people before the 12 week scan but if yours doesn't then I would mention it at the appointment. It seems like you've had a good relationship with her so far. I would apologise for shouting at her

FionasWineShow · 13/06/2019 08:42

No, I just missed her desperately, as she wasn't here any more.

Trying to be sympathetic to you, though. You know you're being beyond unreasonable - especially saying it's OK for your sister to tell people, but not her.

Agree with PPs that there must be more going on here, as you're being horrible - again, not actively trying to be unkind, but come on.

Maybe try showing your Mum the same kind of 'benefit of the doubt' you're getting from compete strangers on this thread.

MNHQ

JoMumsnet · 13/06/2019 09:43

As this is a duplicate thread, we're closing this one and leaving the OP's other, much longer, thread running over here.

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