43, pregnant unexpectedly

[Fortyandfabulous]

I have three children aged 8-13 and had no intention of having any more children, having had three miscarriages and severe PND I never wanted to put myself through that again. Life is good now jobs wise and just much easier now the kids are older.

Found out at the weekend that I am pregnant (I knew because my mood plummeted last week), which has come as a complete shock to my husband and I. My first instinct is that I want to terminate, I feel that the negative impact on us all outweighs any positives and thus I have booked an appointment at a BPAS clinic on Thursday to discuss the options.

I guess my question is how hard is it to have a baby later in life with such a big age gap? How do the kids cope and how do you feel being the much older mum in the playground etc?

In my family it’s more common to have babies after the age of 35 and most of my cousins have had them after 40. The latest pregnancy was cousin who at 45 had a baby with a 11 year age gap from the middle child and a 13 year age gap from the oldest. None of them had actual high risk pregnancies (though they were flagged as such on paper) and all of them have found their kids love having a much younger sibling to play with.

But they were all financially okay, didn’t have kids with special educational needs, and had the full support of their partners and children.

I am 43 and pregnant with 4th. Whilst it was planned I am still petrified and worried about how we will cope. My children are 13, 10 and 3 so will have two older ones and 2 little ones so a bit different from you. It is a hard decision and maybe you need to try and imagine your life with another baby and see how it feels. I can see what you would not want to start again though and sometimes I feel that too and wonder if we have done the right thing. My two older ones love having their 3 year old brother and dote on him. It has been lovely watching them fall in love with him and it seems to have held off the moodiness in the teen too as she is so tolerant of him. Good luck with your decision.

Thank you for sharing your stories

I had ds at 43 with a 6 year gap. Ds is truly adored!!

I had mine at 41 and 43 and my husband’s kids were 15 and 13. The difficulty was in travelling - they obviously were interested in different things. Otherwise you do have the challenge of teenage angst while also living through two year old tantrums! But I three friends who have large gaps: 13 and 15 years, and it seems to have worked out fine.