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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Interfering mother in law

44 replies

gemma20 · 10/06/2019 20:10

So Saturday .. my mother in law put a piece of paper in front of me.. to which was a piece of paper she has printed of the internet... about " shared custody " I'm 38 weeks pregnant. With my first.

Anyhow... she put this paper in front of me.. telling me to sign it... for 50/50.

I refused to sign it and passed it back. Telling her no.

Am I over reaction on this..

I think that's absolutely disgusting.
Who does she think she is trying to decide custody decisions.

I'm in a relationship with the father. But don't live with him, as he asked me to leave his mums house when I was 25 weeks pregnant.. leaving me homeless..

Can I have someone advice on this? I'm feeling very hurt by all this.

OP posts:

7yo7yo · 11/06/2019 02:42

Dump him before the birth.
Move away.
Don’t put him in birth certificate.

Teddybear45 · 11/06/2019 07:34

Break up with him, if he or his mum
mum bugs you again get a restraining order.

user1493413286 · 11/06/2019 07:40

This isn’t a good relationship and his mil is dangerous; I would break up with him and have no contact with his mum. You don’t need to talk to her at all and the idea that have her at the birth just because your mum is going to be there is ridiculous.
Don’t put him on the birth certificate; if he is then he and his mum could refuse to return your baby to you and the police can’t do anything.

waterandmilk · 11/06/2019 07:45

Never sign any of that crap and don't put him on the birth certificate.
You have a home now, walk away from him OP
You can do this

waterandmilk · 11/06/2019 07:46

You also need to be moved and never share your address with him. This is madness OP please

Dillydallyingthrough · 11/06/2019 07:49

OP do you have someone that could support you? Please block them both you will be so much better off and mentally stronger without their constant criticism.

Please listen when others say that you need to move. You need some RL support as you sound so vulnerable.

Surfskatefamily · 11/06/2019 07:55

I knowthis is going to be hard to do but try your best to push this lot out of your mind. They are being incredibly selfish and unhelpful. You need to be able to relax this next couple of weeks

As people above have said dont put him on birth cert for now altho denying he is father wouldnt be right. It just buys you a little time to see what kind of father he is.

Id go through court or at least mediation for a contact agreement (that doesnt mean to not allow father to see baby tho) as it is highly unlikely theyl do 50/50 with a newborn baby. Also if you breastfeed they wont do overnights

I wish you all the best, honestly your mil is forgetting what its like to be pregnant and is being completely irrational. If only people like her realised that they would see their grandchildren more if they acted nicely

BlingLoving · 11/06/2019 10:29

Don't sign anything. Just don't.

Tell the hospital that your ex and his mother are trying to get access to you and the birth - they will only allow people into the labou award with you with your express permission. The midwives and doctors don't care about anyone else except the mum and the baby.

Here it is very simply:

She has no rights over the child.
Theoretically, as the father, there is an argument that he should be involved in with the baby and over time, you may want to agree appropriate levels of visitation and custody.
However, to start with, the baby will need to be with you exclusively, particularly if you are breastfeeding. You may well choose to allow him to visit and spend time with the baby, but this should only take place in the context of you being comfortable (although I don't know where you go for support if there's a problem).
If he wants to discuss custody and visitation, you may want to point out that it would be useful to know what maintenance he's planning to pay? I don't know if you can force him to pay this i she's not on the birth certificate, but I'd consider giving the CSA a call to discuss the logistics.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/06/2019 10:31

Have you spoken to your midwife about how your X and his mother treat you? Support will be available but you will need to do the work, be strong for your baby.

saraclara · 11/06/2019 10:34

Why are you back with him?

Don't sign anything, don't put him on the birth certificate, and tell all medical staff involved in your pregnancy and labour, that no-one else is to be present or involved in decision making apart from you.

AldiAisleOfTat · 11/06/2019 10:36

Cut contact with both of them. She's insane and he's clearly scum. You are better off without either of them.

Beldon · 11/06/2019 10:38

Dump him, he is a total arse and will get worse. Don’t sign anything and I’d be tempted to say no additional contact for gp, if dad wants to share his contact hours then that’s up to him but not around you. She is asking for you to sign 50/50 contact but you don’t have a secure home, he has additional support at home (him mum), I think her motives are clear

Whatnotea · 11/06/2019 10:43

You need to grow up and get some balls. You are about to become a mum and you need to be a tiger mum.
Get rid of him, do not engage in conversation. Do not put him down as your birth partner, do not tell him when you go into labour.
Do not put him on the birth certificate.
You need to do this alone without him.

fonxey · 11/06/2019 11:02

Follow the advice of others. And if they make any further moves, find a lawyer. Try not to communicate with them in any way.

There are some arseholes who need to be steralised.

Troels · 11/06/2019 11:03

Are your family local to where you are?
If not pack your stuff and move back there for some family support and to have the baby. Block his mother and ignore him until delivery, then just message that the baby is born and a name.
Let him do the hard work of taking you to court for access.
He's not a DP he's a big wet lettuce and life will ot get better after delivery with him in it. Do what you need to do for you and the baby only.

Troels · 11/06/2019 11:04

will not get better.

NicciLovesSundays · 11/06/2019 11:07

@gemma20
It sounds like a really difficult and stressful situation. Do you have any family / friends who are a good support network to you?

From what you have said, there is a possibility that the behaviour of your partner and his mum is abusive.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/

Justus22 · 11/06/2019 11:32

Please do not stay with him. Do not give in to her crazy demands and distance yourself totally. My friend had a narcissistic, controlling ex and luckily she got away but he tried everything to keep her in his clutches and used his child to his advantage. He used to threaten to plant drugs in her car and call the police, and she had a random visit from health visitors assessing her and her home once when she lived with him and we fully believe he or his mother engineered that to make her feel vulnerable and paranoid and keep her feeling trapped. I'm not saying your dp is calculated in the same way but this man engineered it so he had all the child benefit go into his account and left her with little/nothing independent of him. It sounds like your dp isn't as interested in keeping you but is speaking of your child as a possession, do not give them an inch. Xx

IggyAce · 19/06/2019 19:48

@gemma20 how are you doing?

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