The "8 weeks wait"...

[whitelanner]

So I thought the 2 weeks wait was difficult till I got my BFP. But now, that I am at 4 weeks, I feel so worried about losing it and I can't wait to reach the 12 weeks mark so I can relax somewhat. How do you handle this wait? How do you get on with your life not to think about the pregnancy like every second?

@rubyroot sorry to hear about your miscarriage, it must be horrendous and no wonder you are worried about it this time. I have been really worried about it but had a look online and statistics show it is rare, only 3% of pregnancies so hopefully everyone in this thread will be in the 97% that's ok x

I don’t want to hijack the thread really I don’t, but I wonder where you get your stats from?! Anecdotally (people I know) and on mumsnet missed miscarriages don’t seem to be rare.

I asked my sonogropher if my miscarriage was classed as such and she just said it’s a miscarriage- we don’t tend to differentiate or categorise them this way. My miscarriage was at nine weeks, when I had a scan- sac was still there and 6.5

It doesn’t get any easier! I did find being away in the first 12 weeks really helped me as I couldn’t google every symptom or twinge and I got to enjoy myself but I still didn’t stop thinking about it every second of every day. I just set smaller goals on non pregnancy related stuff such as in 2 weeks time I have a dinner date planned or 3 weeks time we are off to the cinema etc etc which has helped pass the time. Try and arrange things or make plans that are not in any way baby related and spread them out so you always have something to look forward to

@rubyroot I have looked at a lot online and rates of miscarriage are around 15% with majority happening before the first 5 weeks. One article said -"Rates of Missed Miscarriage Approximately one percent of all pregnancies will result in a missed miscarriage. Around 20 percent of pregnancies will result in miscarriage." And another I looked at said 3%. You could see a heartbeat and still it wouldn't develop past a certain point, it is something we cant help. I came on forums to get support and chat to other people about worries or questions and I feel as though I'm just being convinced that I'm going to have a miscarriage. It is a possibility I am very aware as I think about it daily but having it reinforced on here and being told there is a really high chance of it happening isnt overly helpful. There are lots of causes or risk factors for a miscarriage and know it could happen but also aware that statistically more people have successful pregnancies than not. I've been trying so hard to remain positive but feel it is best to come off this forum to avoid feeling worse. As said on previous posts, people that have had issues with pregnancy are more likely to come on here and my heart breaks for anyone that has gone through a loss. It doesn't mean everyone is going to have a miscarriage and not see heartbeats. Like I said before, I hope everyone here has happy and healthy pregnancies x

@Beck2277 I agree with you on being positive. Don't let other people take away your optimism. And please stay with us.

I often feel the same, that sooo many women are talking about their miscarriages online, that it feels like there are actually more women miscarrying than those who deliver the baby. I think this is a similar effect to what happens on online product reviews. People who are happy with a product, most often don't even bother giving a review. But those who are unhappy, grab every occasion to complain. So when I read reviews I always take negative ones with a hint of salt and trying to imagine "what went wrong in that specific scenario" rather than take it as a "general" state of the product.

Of course with pregnancies it is a bit different, because in most cases, there are no ones at fault. It just happens.

However there are still factors that are different, some women are just prone to miscarriage due to existing hormonal problems and other illnesses or because of bad habits, like smoking and drinking. Also many women live on the pill for many many years and that has an effect, as well as stress and diet, etc.

So even though scientists say there is no "known" reason for miscarriages I assume, that the long term effect of the above factors must count in some way... and so I think the statistics concentrating on "every women" not considering any of these factors are misleading. And that the miscarriages in "relatively healthy" women are actually a lot lower than the internet let us believe.

@whitelanner thanks so much that's a really helpful message :) totally agree that there are so many potential causes and everyone is different. I have never had any issues with my cycles, always been regular and got pregnant straight away after being off the implant for 2 years. I have never smoked and hardly drink and 30 years old. I know age can increase the risk and also health issues but also know a lot of people have really healthy pregnancies! If it's not meant to be it isnt meant to be and I will find out one way or another. A miscarriage with symptoms is more common than one without and nothing I can do will change the outcome. If I could I would have a scan every few days but also know that isnt healthy and it wouldn't change anything or help me cope. I am seeing the midwife for my booking in appointment next Tuesday and will try and get a scan as early as poss and explain my worries. Fingers crossed it is all ok, it's my first pregnancy so such a fear of the unknown! X

@whitelanner @Beck2277

I think it’s great you’re so positive and I hope you remain positive in your pregnancies. However, I can’t let such misinformation go without questioning it-I’m sorry!

The stats you quote are from one study. The reason why you see so many people talking about miscarriage on mumsnet and not in real life is because unfortunately it’s still a topic women don’t open up about. Once you open up about it others will let you know their experiences and believe me it’s more common than you realise! I think the stats are around 20% but don’t forget that many people have chemical pregnancies and so aren’t aware that they’ve conceived. Many women miscarry at home and never report it to doctors- again not featured on stats.

Of course the rates are higher the older you get.

Your point about the pill is irrelevant, there’s absolutely no evidence for this, and actual health and lifestyle- smoking and drinking play a smaller part than we think. Healthy women do have miscarriages and sometimes I’m afraid it’s just luck of the draw. Some women get pregnant easily and stay pregnant, some don’t.

Most miscarriages are caused by chromosomal issues which occur during meiosis though.

An estimated 50% of eggs don’t even implant because the body recognises them as faulty. Unfortunately these eggs implant in some women.

I’m sorry I just couldn’t let this misinformation go. Pop along to the miscarriage board there’s lots talking about mmc there.

I don’t want to put the frighteners up you, the nhs have scans at 12 weeks because they like to save money. I believe if they had them at 7/8 they could save women from even more heartache. There’s lots of countries that do have scans at 7/8 weeks.

I hope you remain optimistic, but please don’t misinform people with stats from the internet.

I had a missed miscarriage last year, found at 12 week scan. There were signs up in the hospital saying that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.... so not sure where this 1% statistic is coming from....

My partner and I were shocked at this number because it's just not something people talk about, which is not great!

@rubyroot@stephn88 www.fertilityauthority.com/fertility-issues/miscarriage/missed-miscarriage was a study that found 1% can end in MISSED MISCARRIAGE not miscarriage. As I have said I am very aware that 20% end in miscarriage. Yes all studies will find different things. Some less some more. I feel as though the point of this whole conversation is being missed. I am very aware that my pregnancy might fail. I am very aware that miscarriages are common and very aware I could see no heartbeat at a scan. Reinforcing this belief and telling someone that's anxious to go and spend time looking on the miscarriage board is really not helpful or if I'm honest not kind or supportive. If I have a miscarriage which I know could happen with no symptoms then I will obviously consider it. Telling someone that has had no symptoms of a miscarriage or any issues so far that I should be thinking about miscarriage isnt helpful. I have been so anxious as it is and trying to focus on the 4 out of 5 that DONT end in miscarriage rather than the 1. I am nearly 8 weeks and know the chance of miscarriage is particularly high in the first 4-6. I haven't had any hint of bleeding (yes I know you dont always but it's more common to have it than not it you miscarry) so trying to remain positive. Sorry that's an issue and requires a statistics debate on what seems like you telling me I will probably have a miscarriage. Noone has their head buried in the sand, we know it could happen but positivity doesn't hurt neither does being considerate and kind to those that are worried about it anyway.

Before people tell me off about statistics again, I have looked on numerous websites. NHS website says- How common are miscarriages?
Miscarriages are much more common than most people realise. Among women who know they're pregnant, it's estimated about 1 in 8 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Many more miscarriages occur before a woman is even aware she has become pregnant.

Losing 3 or more pregnancies in a row (recurrent miscarriages) is uncommon and only affects around 1 in 100 women.
And another site,
Most miscarriages occur at the start of pregnancy. The overall probability of a pregnancy ending in miscarriage in the UK is: 25% at four weeks; 5% at eight weeks; 1.7% at 12 weeks; and 0.5% at 16 weeks . More than 80% of miscarriages occur within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

All different. And like I said regardless of what you look at more are successful than not. Please just allow people to be optimistic rather than imagining themselves in the 20% causing more stress and more risk of issues

I apologise if I came across as harsh etc..... of course the best thing you can do is be positive. I've found it very helpful to remember that my current pregnancy is in no way related to last years and that there is no reason why there should be any issues with this one etc....

The anxiety is still there, even more so than last pregnancy, I went for 2 private scans before my nhs 12 week scan just to put my mind at rest. It still didn't but did help for a few days.

I don’t think you will probably miscarry and I did not say that. I don’t think you should be anxious at all. But I just didn’t think one of the previous posters discussions about miscarriage was helpful. And I could not just leave the misinformation on the board.

Not helpful

And btw you’ll be pleased to know a little bit of anxiety does not cause miscarriage either. Gosh if it did, no one would ever have babies. Anxiety is completely natural in pregnancy

@rubyroot This is not a miscarriage thread. It is a thread about NOT TO THINK ABOUT MISCARRIAGE. So you should have "left us in the dark"... because it is better to know "the wrong statistics", then being reminded of a sad truth in a thread where we come for support.

Also we have different perspectives, because you already had one you want to look at it that way, that it is common...so you feel less guilt and feel more normal, which is understandable, but because we want to avoid it, we want to believe that it is not common and that it is in our power to avoid it by healthy lifestyle and we want to take reassurance from factors present in our life, for example that I never smoked and never really drank and never took the pill. Even if these factors are not YET scientifically connected to miscarriages this is all we have and we want to grab these.

And so even though I feel for your pain and sorry for your loss it is not fair from you to try to take these hopes away from us, even if you believe they are false. That is your belief, ours is different.

I for one for example know that diet has a great impact on every aspect of our life. I am following the ketogenic diet which has a healing effect on the female hormones and helped thousands of women to get more fertile and become pregnant. And so I also believe that it helps to avoid miscarriages. You disagree? I don't care and I don't want to know. It is true for me.