Your Midwife experience while pregnant vs Anxiety and depression

[NatashaLouiseTaylor82]

Hi guys

I'm really interested in how everyone's else's experience has been with their midwifes.

My experience so far hasn't been great and just wondered if this is the norm for everyone or if my experience is unique. My 1st pregnancy.

1, Midwife filled out my pregnancy forms wrong. - Luckily Now the hospital doctors have noticed this issue. I have been put on blood clot reduction medication via Dailey injections.

2, Midwife would mark my notes as - Done a home visit but never visited.

3, Went into the hospital for a check up, the midwife there gave me the whooping cough injection twice because my notes weren't checked.

4, I asked my midwife if I could get some Advise on breastfeeding - I was told a different Midwife would call to arrange an appointment. The Appointment was made between 10am and 13:00pm because Emergency visits would come before mine 'where ladies who have already given birth would come first. Which I totally understood. But I had no contact details for this midwife.
No confirmation of the appointment via txt, email or post.
Then the midwife didn't even turn up.

5, Second to last midwife appointment before my due date I get told my midwife is leaving the practice - So no continuity of care. I suffer from Anxiety.

6, I thought the midwife would follow me though my whole pregnancy and beyond but apparently not. They don't even come to the hospital on the day you give birth. You get a replacement midwife, that's on duty at the time.

7, Parent Education Classes weren't set up by the midwife. I had to ask when do I get antenatal classes? To be told you book them yourself via your hospital. - Once they got me on the course it was booked two weeks before my due date. Hope I don't drop early.

8, When I asked about advise on Labour all she would say was, everyone is different and you have to be flexible - 'I understood that' but I had no experience to go on and didn't know what my options where. I learned more watching YouTube videos and creating a flexible flow cart to help Calm my anxiety's. Than I did from my midwife.

9, NOTE - I wanted the sanctuary room to help with my Anxiety but more and more things went wrong because of the midwifes not following their own job description.
And I then was told I would need to be monitored in my delivery and my only room option now would be a labour suit.
The room with all the medical equipment on show!!! Great. Thanks 💔

10, I haven't given birth yet. Because of my complications I have to be induced on the 17th, if he doesn't arrive sooner. You never know they may have the due date wrong 😂
But I hope in a way I need to stay in for a couple of days after giving birth just so I get the support I need with my anxiety and depression. My worry is it looks like ladies suffering with these aren't getting the support they actually need and only being flagged as concerns to the babies welfare. Postnatal depression can hit anybody. I know what flares my anxiety and depression, New people and New places and not knowing what to expect and I know how to keep it under control because I have dealt with it for a long time, I'm 37 and routine stabilisers me and what is better than a child to give you a routine.
But the thought of giving birth then being sent home straight away means you miss out of that added support of looking after this bundle of joy.
Putting a diaper on, bathing your baby, breastfeeding properly. Extra.

My best friend had a caesarean 1 month ago. She had this added support I'm talking about because she had to remain in hospital for a week before she could leave and she sings how positive that added support was to her and like me suffers with anxiety and depression.

11, I went to a parent education class yesterday for labour and birth advise. The midwife there said at 37 weeks you will discuss with your midwife what options you want... this hasn't happened and I give birth in two weeks. 😳 The system sucks...

Job Description:
Midwives provide advice, care and support for women and their babies during pregnancy, labour and the early postnatal period. You'll help women to make their own decisions about the care and services they access and will provide health education and parenting advice until care is transferred to a health visitor.!!!

This is where it helps to be informed as a patient. I know I have complex disorders and I also know the mw wouldn’t know about any of them - so I patiently explained each one, spelling things out, and checking she had entered things correctly on the computer.

I haven’t received my consultant appointment yet as there was a backlog so I patiently called GP to carry on specific medication in the protocol provided by my Fertility clinic. I then text my midwife the prescription so she could update my notes.

I ensure every visit to the mw my paper notes are also updated, as I need to carry these everywhere I go.

I researched antenatal classes as soon as I got my bfp, realised there was a shortage of official ones in my area (they are reserved for single mums, those on benefits, and those considered high risk in terms of social / MH services) and so booked them privately.

I would never get a double vaccination as I ask questions and read my medical notes and advocate for myself.

It really, really helps to be organised. To research. To speakup. Most of what happened to you could have been avoided if you did one of those things. It is your health and your baby after all - why would you take a backseat to a mw in the planning of it all?

1. I don't understand why it would be any other way though? You can literally go into labour at any time of the day (within a 4 week period usually). It would be impossible and unfair for the midwife you've had your appointments with to have to be the one who dealt with the birth too.

1. It's not because of the midwife 'not doing their job properly' that you need to be monitored during labour.

Teaching you how to bath a baby or put a nappy on are not a midwife's job. You are responsible for learning how to actually look after your child. Whether that's your own research or booking onto classes. It's not their job to teach you how to parent.

I’ve been past from pillar to post
I don’t even know who my midwife is and I’m nearly 12 weeks
I find that I fall foul of every administrative cock up going and this has been no different

Sorry you've had a difficult experience, OP. I'm 35 weeks and to date I've had brilliant care. Not much consistency - I'm cared for by a team, but familiar faces pop up a lot.

Like a PP said, I spoke to my midwife about my anxiety and OCD early on (at my booking appointment) and as a result was referred for CBT, which wasn't really for me but that wasn't my midwives fault.

I've not had much in terms of prenatal guidance but I'm attending NCT for that. There are some run by my hospital but I've not heard good endorsements.

Just have to get through labour, which again ive not had a huge amount of guidance on but I think I'd rather seek that information elsewhere anyway. Midwives are tied to the directives of their hospitals (and their hospital's lawyers), so you can get more impartial advice elsewhere. I really recommend the Positive Birthing Company's digital pack.

People wonder why u don't bother making conversation...
I'm not looking for people to be judgemental about my experiences, that's just rude.
I just want to hear your experiences.
So I can tell if any other woman going through their 1st time pregnancy are going through the same concerns.

We all get hospital notes & are asked to carry them with us at all times.
And I can confirm I did tell my midwife about my anxiety, although wouldn't of been necessary because it's obvious on me. I come across as nervous and shake.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

At kind of easy to bash the medical professions. It’s not a wonder that they leave in droves.

Women have been having babies literally since the start of time. Midwives and medical services exist to make that easier, but not to do everything for you. They certainly don’t make you have injections that you’ve already had.

Bringing a child into the world whether you have mental health issues or not is a decision that you make, not a nurse or doctor.

Go back to your GP, ask for a mental health referral and ask for social services input. You are demanding more than an antenatal service can physically offer.

A lot of it sounds a bit poor but generally normal. Many people are told they won’t have birth discussion until 37 weeks. I know I would have to be proactive to get on any nhs classes etc. I’m surprised you allowed someone to give you the same injection twice though, did you not realise you’d already had it?

I’ve got a fab community mw who has been great but not everyone has the same named mw through their care depending on their hospital etc. Also whoever is on duty on the labour ward will be with you in labour, you don’t get a specific mw to stay with you through pg and birth.

I’d request a referral to your pg mh nurse, who can hopefully help you or pass you somewhere who can. Mine has been utterly useless but I think my experience isn’t common. Apparently I don’t meet the criteria to see a perinatal psychiatrist but they have given me a consultant who specialises in mh issues and she is brilliant and really helpful.

If you feel like your mw isn’t taking your mh issues seriously write it all down and give it to her. If she still isn’t doing anything see your gp or ask to see the pg mh nurse.

I think care in pg is a bit hit and miss depending on where you are and the nhs is really stretched atm and struggling under the pressure. Not that it should be this way.

A lot of it depends on your local NHS trust practices - mine for instance has a community midwife team who run drop-in things every week as well as specific booked apts, so you hardly ever see the same person more than once or twice. They were all pretty good though, and the variety meant that if you ever didn’t click with one you knew you wouldn’t be stuck with them. The midwife at the birth is whoever is working at the hospital when you need them - they are a different team the community midwives. Also, best to be aware if you are anxious that if their shift ends whilst you are still in labour, that midwife will leave and be replaced with the next one.

Learning what is involved in labour/baby care - i think that most people have to investigate NHS or NCT classes for themselves, certainly my midwives never mentioned it. Their remit is the physical care of you and your baby in pregnancy. I googled and found a local NHS antenatal class which was quite useful, and a tour of the maternity ward which you might find good for allaying some of your anxiety. Again, things on offer differ in different areas, so check out what is in yours.

Breastfeeding - again, not really the midwives’ role before you have given birth, but i recommend contacting La Leche League for loads of really good advice and info.

It sounds like you have had a rough time with several minor human errors building up into a bigger issue, OP. If you can afford it, maybe think about a Doula? Good luck, and i hope you have better luck going forward.

Oh yes blame the organised people who take care of themselves. I have anxiety too, that’s why I told you about being organised and planning - it helps. But if all you want to do is wallow go right ahead. People make their own beds

As a midwife, complain to your MP, tell them what we have been trying to tell them for years! Underfunding, staff shortages and overworked exhausted staff means women don’t get the level of care they want / need. This is why midwives are leaving the profession in huge numbers.

I have anxiety and can understand how all of that could have happened. I tend to enter a little zone of calm to cope with the new people and places and am very likely to trust medical professionals and go with what they tell me.
I realised early on that, though I had a very nice midwife, they are too busy to give me extra attention. So I've been doing my own research, I know about the birth options and am ready for anything. I know it is going to be horrific and traumatic but I'm taking it a day at a time.
I'm really sorry you've been suffering. I am sure when I get to 37 weeks I will be going up the wall with fear and stress. Just try to do some research on birth options and the various medical interventions, watch videos. Can you book a tour of the place you will give birth? Make sure your birth partner is supportive and knows down to every little detail what you want. This way perhaps you can relax during it and not be full of fear.
I am rooting for you, you will be fine hun x

Look into either joining your local NCT www.nct.org.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqM7TpJrS4gIVmvhRCh1_Ug5OEAAYASAAEgIy9fD_BwE

Or, the positive birth movement www.positivebirthmovement.org/about/

or look into getting a doula

Ok, I'll bite. Responses assume NHS midwive care

1. That's bad, I would probably want to discuss how that happened and what's being done about it

1. Not sure how that can happen as you normally keep the notes with you - your midwife could only access them when you meet her

1. That's bad, but you should have had some awareness of what the injection was for and should have mentioned something

1. Midwives don't normally give visits to discuss breastfeeding, you were lucky one was scheduled, but would be better seeking advice at a feeding group or from a lactation consultant

1. That's unfortunate but midwives can and do change jobs, go on holiday or be unwell

1. Most people give birth with the shift midwives, which is not likely to be your midwife unless you are lucky. If your midwife is on shift they will try to care for you if they can. Sometimes people are caseloaded with individual midwives, but this is not the norm.

1. parent education is your responsibility. She should have mentioned the classes, but you choose and book them yourself. People usually do either NHS or NCT or both

1. Not sure - maybe you needed to ask specific quesitons

1. Your care is determined by your pregnancy - it sounds like you are high risk and will need to be monitored. That's just bad luck. Even at low risk you don't get to pick your room.

10. It sounds like you may need to speak to your GP/HV/midwife about accessing the perinatal mental health team for support. Again, this is not usually the midwives themselves.

11. Not sure why this hasn't happened yet, there is a specific appointment for this in your notes

On balance, it sounds like you haven't had the best care, but you are being unreasonable in some of your expectations. I would try and focus on the things that have actually gone wrong in your care (most notably 1 and 3), and try to be factual and not emotional in your dealings with the team. You could try to speak to the coordinator of midwives to get a better understanding of your particular situation, but you will need to stop trying to blame the midwives for everything, as not all of the things on your list are within their control.

Stop blaming the poor midwives or the NHS, why don't you complain higher up if you are so concerned?

Many people have had worse experiences and don't complain... wait until the NHS is gone then you'll have something to moan about!

Or better yet, how about you go private and actually pay for this care then? Hmm...

Sorry but sick of people complaining about the poor staff who work under some hard strain just because you don't like the way your care is going and should be top of everyone's priority list... grow up.

The community midwife service is stretched to breaking point and are doing their best with limited resource. My experience wasn’t particularly great but that was 10 years ago.

However, when I went into labour, the midwives at Salisbury Odstock Hospital were the complete opposite, lovely, supportive, patient and unbelievable efficient in an emergency. (Thank you, Odstock)

Have you asked to have a look around your birthing unit? Have you got the support of an NCT advisor. Both helped me to feel more prepared. NCT helped massively with bf.