Unplanned Pregnancy

[user1481477994]

I am 7 weeks pregnant due to an unplanned pregnancy. I am 39 and my husband is 48. Neither of us has particularly ever wanted kids (him less than me). We discussed it a couple of years ago and it totally freaked him out and would not discuss it any more.

I have an abortion booked for a few days time but I am scared I will regret it (and end up resenting my husband). This would literally be my last chance of having a child but I don't want to be a single mother. Ultimately I think we do both want the same thing as we enjoy our life together, the freedom and travelling when we want but it is different when it is actually happening to you.

What are people's thoughts?

The very fact you are having doubts about having an abortion speaks volumes in itself. Have you actually told him you are pregnant ?

Yes he knows. We did have a big discussion about it and did both reach the same conclusion at the time that it was the best decision, but every so often I just think what if I did have it instead.

This decision is yours to make, and yours alone. Unplanned pregnancies happen, and in the UK, a woman has full agency over her body and her reproductive choices.

So, you know that you husband does not want a child. That is his honest response, and his choice. Whether you want one is the same process. Be honest, be truthful. This is nobody else's business.

I have children. I have also had an unplanned pregnancy, and decided not to go ahead with it. I have no regrets about any of the decisions I have made, and I am very grateful to have had a choice.

Raising kids is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I do not believe that having children necessarily enhances a woman's life. Once they're grown, it's different I guess, but the total life-buggering of career/life etc is not a decision to be entered into lightly. I refuse to sugar-coat the reality of motherhood.

I send you my very best wishes.

I think it is perfectly normal to think these things. You are still a woman, and procreation is something that I think is generally intrinsic to us all, even if our environment conditions lead us towards childlessness.

I’ve had two terminations, each when I was at very different periods in my life. The first, I was pregnant after a stupid mistake with a guy I barely knew after a one night stand after my divorce.

The second, I was in a good long term relationship but my career was taking off and I just hadn’t considered kids at that time.

In fact, my knee jerk was right for me, my gut reaction was reliable. I was deeply sad and felt short term grief after both, I even questioned if I could just crack on and have a baby, but I never felt like it wasn’t the right decision once I went through with the procedure.

I am in a relationship with a guy with two kids now. When we got together, he told me nothing was ‘off the table’ except kids... he would not have any more children. I was fine with that. Until I wasn’t! And we broke up. But he changed his mind and we are now pregnant, and he is SUPER excited. He’s surprised himself!

Only you can answer the question. This isn’t a one size fits all decision. You could have the baby and end up a single mum...you’d be in good company. Or you could make it through together and it could be amazing!
You could carry on your life together as is, or you may always wonder ‘what if’.

You have some time to really explore what you want and how to deal with this, but don’t be scared of your first reaction...39 is not too old to try again, later on. It’s really REALLY not.

Good luck xxx

So I chickened out of my planned abortion last week. I couldn't bring myself to take the tablets so the nurse has now booked me in for the surgical procedure in 2 weeks time to give me more time to think about my decision.

I know it is what I want but a part of me is scared I will back out again. My partner is still adamant he really doesn't want kids either. He has said that he wouldn't leave me if I did decide to keep it, but can't promise he would be any good (he is generally a bit of a perfectionist). He is worried about birth defects he has read about aswell, due to me being nearly 40 and him being 48. I feel like I am handling it pretty well though so far (I know I am only 8 weeks) but I feel quite decent after a tiny bit of nausea and a few weeks of tummy pains.

We would have plenty of help from our parents who would be overjoyed and are all retired (a bonus for getting pregnant later in life lol) but I know we shouldn't be doing it for our parents. We also have a special 2 week holiday booked at the end of the year and I would be 34 weeks then so would probably have to cancel that too (sorry I know I shouldn't be materialistic).

This is the most confusing situation I have ever been in!

My dad was adamant he didn't want children. And all through my mums pregnancy he was a nightmare, basically pretending it wasn't happening. When she went into labour mum sent him out and told him to decide if he wanted to come back and be a family. After seeing me for the first time he completely changed and is a great dad. He would do anything for me.
I think until it happens you don't know what sort of parent you'd be and it's definitely scary but just coz it's different doesn't mean it has to be bad.

What ever you decide I wish you all the best

If he's sure he never wanted kids, why didn't he have a vasectomy? There is only a failure rate of one in a thousand.