Depressed on Maternity Leave

[bhs652]

Hey guys!

So I've been off work for two months now due to complications with my pregnancy, and I'm due to give birth at the end of July.. so still a long while left.. I would do anything to be back in work, I am so stir crazy.

My partner works full time and I'm left alone at home, I try occupy myself as best I can, the house is always spotless and cooking is all done before he gets home, baby's nursery is all done.. nothing left to prepare for, I've outdone myself with it.. because I have nothing else to do..

My problem is.. I moved area a few months ago, a good 3-4 hours from my hometown, and I don't really have any friends here yet, and I'm really struggling. I try visit home as much as I can but I can't much because it's expensive and takes a lot of prep these days!! I've been on walks.. explored the area a bit.. and I'm tired now. I can't walk very far at the moment as it is! 🤦🏽‍♀️

So I'm feeling so alone, I cannot wait for my baby girl to come I am beaming with love for her. But I'm just feeling terribly depressed watching my partner leave for work every day and I'm in bed waving him goodbye.. ready for a great day of cleaning the house, again.. and that's it... day 27363837.. I cannot actually explain how sad I am becoming staring at the same four walls.

has anyone else been in my situation? And what did you do to occupy yourself? Any tips? Please be kind.. bit sensitive at the minute lol! X Thank you x

Hi op

I am 26+5 and have been signed off work for last couple of weeks and until i start maternity leave.

Situation isnt really the same as yours as i have four dc so they keep me busy! But if you fancy a chat i am around a fair bit!

Could you maybe do some things which are harder with a baby? Get your hair done maybe? Travel to hometown for a few days?

Have you considered doing an online course in something you’d not usually have time for but find interesting and would like to learn about? A language, literature/art, economics, politics, history, or something practical skills-based like cooking or crafts or computer-skills related? There’s shedloads of free learning by BBC, universities etc. (I was off for 4 months during pregnancy and it saved my sanity to do something mentally stimulating - I chose something with an online learning community so it also had a social contact side to it)

Hi @bhs652

Im in a similar situation at the moment, though im lucky in that I dont have any complications with my pregnancy. How restricted are you in terms of mobility? Are you able to move around the house and keep active fairly well or are you restricted to bed rest a lot of the time? Also what type of community are you living in rural / town / big city as im sure this will impact on the opportunities you have close to home if you are able to get out and about?

I haven't been working for around 10 months and im 25 weeks pregnant (so around 6 months). When my last job finished (fixed term contract) I wanted a bit of a break as the job had been both physically and mentally challenging for me. At the time I was also trying to conceive and had no idea how the pregnancy would affect me as I have fibromyalgia. I would really have liked to have started a masters degree in September 2018 but as I felt I needed a break and wasnt sure how I would cope if I had a difficult pregnancy I decided not to pursue that.

By the time I felt ready to go back to work I was in the early stages of pregnancy and didnt want to start something new to go on maternity leave a short while later. Alongside the boredom, the other annoying thing about this for me is that im not eligible for any maternity allowance (and the costs are already mounting) and my partner wont be entitled to extended paternity leave when the baby is born- as I have no leave to share with him. But thats a whole other issue. It just means Im extra worried about whether I will have the support I need when the baby arrives....

Im also in a new area (moved to my new house a year ago) and havent got to know anyone yet. Recently I started to help out at a local youth group and am also attending a craft class at a local womens centre but that will be over soon as it is just a short 8 week course. Im also looking for other voluntary options to try and get involved in more things but again im not sure how that will work out with childcare when the baby arrives. Im hoping over time that getting involved in these things will help me feel more connected in my local community. Its all a bit of a muddle - wanting to stay active, get involved but at the same time being realistic about what I can do in the near future while heavily pregnant / looking after a baby and having limited childcare.

I know our situations are different but I know how difficult it is, feeling isolated and under occupied. Seeing someone go off to a job they enjoy every day can be really difficult and its important to try not to let that put a strain on the relationship. Ive been there in the past when I was virtually bed bound (from fibromyalgia) and it is not pleasant.

I thought being pregnant there would be lots of activities I could join in with during the day but I have found the options a bit limited. Im not in a sure start area and most other classes (like pregnancy yoga/pilates etc) are during the evening when I want to spend time with my partner. The days can be pretty long!

Some people find that being pregnant actually helps them to get involved with groups like this that otherwise they might be too shy to go along to. Have you looked into any womens centres/community centres that you might be able to attend? If you dont fancy anything pregnancy related, maybe there is a local reading group that you could join just to get out and meet some people? If that isnt an option, depending on your mobility/tiredness levels maybe you could take up something new at home - like baking or gardening? Anything to put in the day really.

I am also trying to spend sometime everyday keeping my brain active - so reading reports and articles in the areas Im interested in - maybe there is something you could try to stay on top of in relation to developments in your workplace? (this might be more relevant to some jobs than others).

The last thing I want to say is dont suffer in silence. Lots of people feel like this - talk to your midwife or GP if you are worried and would like to find out what support is available.

Nicci