Telling people after a loss...

[Kate3150]

If I had it my way people would only know I was pregnant when I was about to pop lol.
I’m just shy of 12 weeks and just don’t want to tell people anytime soon. Rather than fretting, I’ve decided to see how I feel and more importantly how things are going between 16-20 weeks.
Have others felt the same? X

I had a miscarriage in February. I'm only 5+5 and I don't want to tell anyone until 20 weeks if I can get that far this time. Hopefully any bump can be concealed. It's totally up to you when to tell people.

I feel the same. I told my managers because they need to know if I need time off. My closest family because they will have to support me if there’s a problem. But nobody else knows not even my best friends.

I think I’ll wait until after my 20 week scan but not sure because with the conditions I have even a later loss is possible :(

I know it’s unfair especially when you consider my friends told me from the time they took their test, but I just don’t want to say anything. Luckily for me I’m not showing much.

Yes I’m thinking more likely will be 20 week scan for me (if I get that far) I’m being so negative, I don’t feel I’m having the pregnancy experience I should.
I probably know too much reading stuff on the internet is both a help & hindrance.
Roll on December!!!!!! X

I was more comfortable waiting until after the 20 week scan to tell work, but it didn't impact on me enjoying the pregnancy. Do what feels right for you. I didn't want to be tortured with silly questions and opinions for months on end.

I told my parents before 12 weeks, and then all other family after that including the in-laws. I just told friends as I saw them after 12 weeks. A big announcement wasn't for me!

I was also lucky that my bump didn't start to show until 21 weeks...

Depends when you start showing! Some people close to you might be upset not to be told at 12 weeks but it's your choice.

I’m the same. I haven’t enjoyed it at all. With my sister when she fell pregnant I treated her to a little gift and a bit of a do in early pregnancy but I am so negative that I won’t let her do it for me just yet. Then there’s my bf who tells me everything - she will be gutted I didn’t tell her sooner.

There’s also the matter of my dn who I am really close to. She needs to be prepared that I will have a baby and may need time to get used to the idea, but I can’t imagine doing that only to then have to explain a loss to her. Maybe that’s the biggest reason for my putting it off.

That’s how I feel, I suffer quite bad with anxiety anyway and knowing i can’t control the outcome of this pregnancy is just adding to it. Just taking each day as it comes is easier said than done. I keep thinking what would make me feel better and if someone or something could just come to me and say everything with this pregnancy will be fine it would help immensely 😂, but obviously that would never happen!!!!!

Even if I’d wanted to wait that long the choice was taken out of my hands. I was showing before 12 weeks with both pregnancies. With the first we waited till after 12 week scan to tell people (including our parents). Many people had already guessed. Second time round we told our families and a few very close friends around 8-9 weeks. We’d had an early loss the month before and I’d confided in a few friends for support so it seemed silly to wait when I would have told those same people if anything had gone wrong again. I totally understand the desire to wait though.

We told my parents at 11 1/2 weeks as it was mother's day and we had had a good early scan at 8 weeks. I told a couple of friends after the 13 week scan but only if they asked directly about it (a few people knew we had been struggling). Other people I just dropped it into conversation from about 18 weeks if it cropped up but I've not technically announced it yet even though I've had a good 20 week scan now. I feel a bit safer telling people now he is kicking away and the bump is getting obvious. Not a single person has complained that I didn't tell them earlier although most of our friends know we had a loss so they understand x

I waited until 14 weeks to tell everyone, I wanted the first trimester to be fully out of the way. My friend lost her baby at 20 weeks so she is waiting until that has passed to tell anyone.

I had a 5th pregnancy loss last month and the complete lack of compassion from my family has meant that I've sworn to myself that if I'm lucky enough to ever have a healthy pregnancy I won't be telling people until as late as possible - even if that's around 20 weeks - except maybe my boss who has been incredibly supportive - and he's a man!)

Last time I was told that "it's not really a baby until 12 weeks" so it shouldn't bother them if they don't find out till after then - if I could I wouldn't tell anyone until I was in labour!

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted- im so so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I appreciate you sharing your story with me 💜.
How are you doing at the moment? X