Needing a rant

[hormonesorDHbeingadick]

I’m not sure, if it’s my hormones or DH being a dick or a bit of both. I’m concerned that DH is not pulling his weight or seeing that as I get more pregnant he needs to help out more at home. By that I mean making dinner, opening curtains and putting on washing at the weekends. I’m a SAHM to a just 3 year old. He seems to have not realised that baby will be in 2 months or maybe less and we need to get things sorted and put plans into place. I’m nagging if I try to sort things out and not being supportive if I pull him up on things. I feel as if it would be easier if he wasn’t here although I’m not sure if that’s true or not. Certainly financially I would be fucked.

Without more information, I'm inclined to say it's your hormones.

You're a SAHM so don't have work to contend with. Granted you have a toddler so it's a little different. But there's many of us here who've worked until 8.5 months pregnant and still managed to do laundry.

I'm due in a week and yesterday I did two loads of laundry, vacuumed the house, and ironed and folded all of the baby's vests and baby grows and put them away in to drawers ready for his arrival.

This isn't a one off. Granted DP may do extra cooking (but that's not just because I'm pregnant, he's the better cook), but we both pull our weight with housework. He does the harder stuff, lifting, scrubbing the bathroom etc., but we both work full time (I only finished last week) and share the chores.

Whilst I've been off this week, I've done the cleaning whilst he's been at work so when he gets home, we both rest.

Yes, I'm a little tired, but not so much that I cannot do anything in the entire 8 hours that I'd usually be at work.

I'm sorry but I think you're expecting a little too much to be honest. I appreciate you are pregnant and have a LO to look after but surely being home allows you to keep on top of things around the house yourself?

I'm self employed and have worked right up to 39 weeks, have a child and still manage to get bits done around the house. My husband works full time in a stressful job and when he gets home, I feel he deserves time for himself just as much as I do. I wouldn't dream of giving him a hard time for not putting washing on if I'm home and free to do it. After all, I'm pregnant, I'm not incapable of doing anything.

Don't get me wrong, I do expect my husband to play a role in our family and he does help in general, more so at the weekend when he has free time. I just think it's all about being fair and having a balance. You both deserve time, you both deserve help.

Does he work full time? Is his job full on, tiring or stressful?

If so, you may have to cut him a bit of slack. I appreciate you have a toddler so it must be hard for you. However if he's out busting his arse most of the week while you're at home, you may just have to accept that you both have your own stuff to do and deal with.

Sorry some of these comments are a little harsh on OP. Having been a Director in a high profile agency while pregnant and now pregnant again but working from home with a toddler I can confidently say working at 9 months pregnant was MUCH easier than being pregnant and caring full time for a 3 year old.

Granted I don’t ask my husband to do chores BUT I do ask him to cook occasionally as I can’t face food/am too tired. Also every pregnancy is different. Maybe OP has lots of pain/sickness/fatigue were others don’t?! And let’s not forget that childcare has no clocking off time.

OP- chat to your husband about what really matters to you both and what you can let slide for a while. Maybe only laundry once a week or get a cleaner every two weeks to help. Agree on downtime in the evening for both of you so by 8pm no chores for anyone etc.

You’re a SAHM.

You have 1 child.

You are more than capable of opening the curtains.

I don't the OP is saying she can't do these things but that if her partner did them it would free her up to get more things sorted. You probably are panicing a little but that's normal. Sometimes having a little bit of help makes a big difference to how you feel.

Your hormones; your a SAHM

@Maddis136 Your situation is entirely different. You said you're working from home in addition to caring for a child. Therefore, still working, with an additional stress.

Much different to the OP's situation.

I have to say I don’t agree with everyone else’s posts. Taking care of a young child can be quite tiring when pregnant and just because someone is stay at home does not mean they should be expected to do all of the house work. My dh complains all the time the house is a mess. But instead of helping will go to the gym, play golf and get a massage later in the day. Fine, if he wants to do that but don’t freaking complain to me of a messy house. I’m busy w two kids and a dog, who needs to be taken out to the park and kids don’t just go play by themselves and when they do they make a mess. Meals don’t just come from no where. So no it’s not easy being a sahm especially when you don’t just plonk kids in front of the tv or give them sandwiches for every meal. Today I’ve made them oatmeal w fruit for breakfast, eggs and salmon for lunch and spaghetti bolognese with chopped veggies inside. Also, banana bread cooked from scratch. Emptied dishwasher, put dishes dirty dishes in. Folded two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, took the dog for two walks etc while dh went to gym in morning and got a massage in the afternoon, all the while he had he nerve to complain to me. Oh and I’m 10 weeks pregnant so am very tired. Oh and I’m studying a course part time as well.....so OP I get you. The men should at least help a little more during the weekend. For example taking the dc out for a couple hours so you can rest, or contributing to one house hold task.

@Mamabear12 I whole heartedly agree with you. I really get annoyed when SAHMs are classed as having an easier time than those who work. After all, most of us who work pay for childcare in the day. If it was so easy why are we paying someone to do it?!

If you're actively engaged with your 3 year old doing activities, taking them out and making proper meals then it does take up the majority if not all of the working day.

@TokenGinger yes I am working from home but I work for myself and can attest to the fact that when my 3 year old isn't at preschool (afternoons) I don't get any work done so I work in the evenings to get it all finished.

I worked 60+ hours a week in my last pregnancy but having being up with an ill 3 year old is way more tiring than working.

I think my hormones are playing a part and worrying about next labour (I was very ill afterwards last time) but I’m sure DH who works 37.5 hours a week can still manage to open some of the curtains at weekends too.