22 weeks and on a downward spiral

[Cluelessfirsttimemum]

Hi all,

This is my first pregnancy and I am currently 22 weeks pregnant. The baby was planned and, despite what I'm about to go into, I cannot wait to meet her. I have waited so long to become a mum.

The pregnancy in itself is low risk. Baby is fine etc. I had an early pregnancy scan and they found an ovarian cyst. It measured 5.5cm. At my 12 week scan, it had grown to 6.5cm and at my 20 week scan it had grown to 7.7cm. As a result of the cyst, I am under a consultant. The first consultant I saw just said it was a case of monitoring during pregnancy and then doing an ultrasound 6 weeks post birth check on it. The second consultant I saw said they would do keyhole surgery under general anaesthetic 8-12 weeks post birth to remove it, unless I have an emergency C-section in which case it will be removed then. This is where worry number one comes in. I don't particularly want to have general anaesthetic with such a young baby. Yes the consultant said it was classed as minor surgery, but to me having general anaesthetic and surgery is not minor shortly after having a baby. Between birth and the surgery, the consultant said there is the possibility of it growing (in which case I'm not sure keyhole would be an option) or twisting (in which case I'd lose my ovary and given this is my first baby I don't want to lower my fertility as I want the option of having more). Because of these worries, I asked the consultant whether I could have a planned c-section instead to remove the cyst at the same time as having my baby. I was told no because a caesarean is major surgery. I completely understand this, but to me and my anxiety this outweighs the risks in the run up to and during the surgery and the separation from my baby. Any experience or advice on this? I read on the NHS website you are entitled to a caesarean, at the minute I'm just being refused.

Worry number 2 is about going back to work after the baby is born. Husband thinks I'm silly to be worrying about going back to work when I haven't even finished yet, but I am just a long term worrier. I have quite a stressful job in the education sector with a lot of pressure. It requires me to leave the house at 6:30am and arrive home at 6pm, then work evenings and weekends on top of this. Husband has a job with the same long hours. How do I go back to work and juggle this with actually having time to be a mum? I don't want to miss out on my baby hitting all the milestones in her life, I want to be involved. Already knowing I will never be able to take her to school or pick her up (due to no term time holidays) is killing me and I feel like I need to leave my job. However, if I was to leave the job we would be losing the biggest income and money would be incredibly tight with absolutely no luxuries in life. Anyone in a similar position to this?

I am aware this is a long post but I feel like the further along I get in this pregnancy I have more and more worries and less and less control over my life. I feel like I am stuck in a downward spiral at the minute and if I'm honest, I think it's this out of the blue surgery suggestion that has really knocked me.

I feel really alone so would appreciate anyone who can relate to pass on their advice x

Pregnancy and parenting do require you to accept there are things you can't control, frequently because the needs of this new person have to come first (not that anyone minds this, it's just an adjustment). Wrt the surgery if you need a general then that's what you'll have to have. I would agree C Sections aren't an easy option but do understand why you're thinking the way you are. It's a way of controlling at least one aspect of what's going on. If you're still anxious perhaps go back and discuss again a planned C Section.

Maybe sit down with your partner and have a think about what your priorities are. It might be that a lower income will be more than compensated for by the comfort in knowing you won't have to miss out on the early years. Is going part time an option? You may find after maternity leave you are desperate to get back to work! School years are five years away. There's lots of time to plan for things to change so you can be around more.

I think as the birth gets closer the excitement is replaced by reality but there's so much excitement for you ahead. Chin up x

Just regarding the surgery....

When they say it's minor they really do mean it's minor. I had a lump removed from my abdomen under general anesthetic while pregnant (didn't find out I was pregnant til 2 days later).

I could have had the whole day off work (I work for myself) but was actually working in the evening at home because I was completely fine and was bored.

I wouldn't have any concerns about having the same again after birth if needed.

I'm also a long term worrier but once you have a baby like pp said you have to accept that most things are out of your control and you kind of have to accept it - much easier once your massively sleep deprived and you go into self preservation mode with a little one!!

But for now, please remember that any interventions, unless life threatening are your choice. Be fully informed of the risks but also of the chances of these risks actually happening. If you want to have your baby and then wait to have the cyst removed (obviously as long as there's no complications along the way) that's your choice. Why don't you ask if it's sensible to have a scan post birth and decide if surgery is necessary from there? Your care is shared between you and the professionals, not dictated to you.

With the work thing, I can tell pregnancy brain is at play and I worried about these things, even down to the fact I was having a boy meant he would abandon me when I got old and getting upset about this but things do change when they get here and are part of real life so just try and put those thoughts on the back burner for now. In the end I couldn't wait to return to work and to be honest you just make the adjustments you need to and find a way! Your life could be in such a different place in 5 years time when you lo would be starting school xx