Unhelpful things people say when you're worried about your Baby's Health

[TheCatInTheSquare]

My husband has a condition that means there's a 50% chance of our unborn baby being incompatible with life. I'm also older so have an increased chance of having a baby with things like Edward's syndrome.

I've found that people say incredibly stupid things in response to knowing the odds.

My Mother after I reminded her of the odds so she wouldn't go off on one after I said what the baby's sex likely is "She is going to be perfect...I have seen her in my dreams"

Well that's bloody fucking helpful, you dreamed it so it must be true even though MIL dreamed it was a boy... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dreams, totally reliable predictors of an unborn baby's health. 🙄🙄🙄

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"

I want a fucking healthy baby!!!

People are idiots and have stock phrases that are desperately inappropriate in these circumstances. At 30 weeks concerns were raised about DDs size and other issues but MIL still bought a onesie 2 sizes too big because she had a 10lb baby so apparently I would to (sigh). 'As long as both mum and baby are healthy' was on repeat when neither of us were for a long time. All I heard in hospital was that people couldn't wait for DD to come home so we could be a 'real family'. Eh being in special care doesn't make her lesser or not part of the family. A lot of it is just trying to make conversation but please speak up if you find these phrases awful. I wish I had and it then made it very difficult post birth. Now DD is healthy all I hear is how ill she was .....I know...I was there (gasp). I do understand the annoyance though.

"Oh I was anxious with my first too" said by several people

Except I had concerns about an anomaly found on scans so not really just anxiety is it?

"I'm sure it will be ok"

Meant with kindness but based on precisely nothing!

It happens even now DD born. She's the most amazing thing in the world and I think she will be absolutely fine and have a very normal life (although we have scary surgery on the horizon) but I think any worries we have are entirely reasonable. Now we just get "remember she's at the best hospital, they know what they are doing" if we mention wanting to discuss any aspect of her care.

Good luck OP

I told my mum there’s a strong chance I’ll have a miscarriage or stillbirth due to my conditions and so not to get her hopes up until after 20 week scan— she accused me of being negative, while my DH said I ruined the ‘fun’ of having a baby.

Fucking twats.

People are fucking unbelievable. If they don't have anything constructive to say they could at least avoid saying things like

"'As long as both mum and baby are healthy' was on repeat when neither of us were for a long time."

"I'm sure it will be ok" based on nothing.

And then being accused of being negative because you want people to have realistic expectations about the pregnancy.

My MIL said that she couldn't give birth naturally so I won't be able to either! Literally no indication as to why, I luckily have a healthy pregnancy so far. A friend also said I'm the first person she knows to be pregnant but insisted my bump is too small?

@Peacock14

Cuz naturally if your MIL couldn't do it then neither can you. 🙄

And anyone who makes a comment on bump size needs a lesson on manners.