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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Torn Between Keeping or Aborting

7 replies

Nicolette227 · 19/05/2019 23:28

I just recently joined Mumsnet, and I am just looking for outside opinions. Just a little background information about my situation. I am currently married and we have one child together. As of now, we both work. However, my husband is unhappy at his job, and wants to quit to pursue another career field. My husband has made it very known that he does not want anymore children. We currently live in a one-bedroom apartment and though we may be doing better than most, we are by no means “financially set”. We make enough to pay the bills and buy necessities. I recently discovered I was pregnant, and my husband assumed I would just get an abortion. His reasons were valid (it would be a lot to handle financially, and he is afraid he will emotionally/mentally checked out). I, however, have already bonded with the baby and am quite excited, but his feelings have started to over shadow it. At one point, he told me our relationship would be over and he wouldn’t be very comforting while I went through the pregnancy. I was a wreck. Eventually, I told him I wanted to keep the baby still and he, in so many words, told me he would just deal with it. However, he has still been saying things that make it obvious he still wants me to get an abortion. At first, he was willing to stay at his job and continue working, now he wants to quit in 2 weeks. I’m just really overwhelmed and at this point, I know our marriage is basically over. I just am torn between keeping the baby or aborting. I know it would be tough to have a baby, financially, especially since he now wants to quit and leave me financially responsible for everything. But at the same time, I really want the baby. I already have a child and I love her dearly, and having another child would not affect that for me. However, my husband makes comments that make me feel like he would emotionally become distant from both kids. He is so afraid of just being a working dad and not having time for himself and is continually sharing his fears of ending up like other men that he sees struggling with multiple children. Any advice is appreciated.

OP posts:
Neverbroken · 20/05/2019 01:46

Ultimately the decision is up to you & from reading your post it sounds like your mind is made up. So I would say prepare make plans of whether you plan to move to have more space, establish your support network just in case he isn’t there to help with both children, take your pregnacares, let yourself be excited.

Helsvamp · 20/05/2019 04:43

He is emotionally black mailing you . If he didn't want another baby he should ofnused protection . And get his bits done.

physicskate · 20/05/2019 06:06

Why hasn't he had a vasectomy then????

I fear the relationship is doomed either way. He's being manipulative. Would you ever forgive him if you did have an abortion.

While abortion is completely reasonable because of financial pressures that might negatively impact your life and current child (actually it's totally reasonable in any situation where the woman wants one) - you don't want an abortion. So don't have one. There's no argument.

Get ready to be a single parent. Make whatever preparations you can to leave him and get support elsewhere. He sounds very selfish.

barryfromclareisfit · 20/05/2019 06:15

Don’t have an abortion ‘for’ anyone else. It has to be your choice. What do you want? Do that.

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2019 06:15

He can't choose to financially check out.

Cosmogirl86 · 20/05/2019 08:26

I hate that in this day and age, women still bear all the consequences of sex. It takes two to tango, if he didn't want children then he should have taken more care!

Don't terminate. You obviously don't want to, and that's OK. He can't force you to.

Jellycat1 · 20/05/2019 09:19

I agree the relationship sounds doomed. I couldn't stay with a man who said all that to me. Sounds to me that he plans to unilaterally quit his job and leave you fully financially responsible in order to ensure you abort.
You want the baby. In your shoes I would choose the baby.

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