Advice for not wanting to breastfeed straight after the birth

[YellowYellowYellow]

DC3 is due later this year and I'm 100% certain that I don't want to even bother attempting to breastfeed.

DC1 couldn't latch properly for love nor money and as a result, he lost a fair bit of wait in the first two weeks after his birth, leading me to pump my milk. I expressed for close to three months but didn't enjoy it whatsoever. I felt like a cow hooked up to a milking machine as I quite literally did nothing other than sit expressing for hours upon hours, meaning I never really got to bond with or hold my DC and honestly, it just wasn't worth the effort.

With DC2, I'd said to DH that I didn't want to try breastfeeding again following on from what happened with DC1. However, when we were taken round to recovery, the midwife was borderline insisting that I put baby on my breast to try and establish feeding. I told her that I wanted to bottle feed, and she kept pushing it, so in my tired state, I gave in. DC2 did latch well initially, but after about a week, I could no longer cope. Both my nipples were scabbed to high heaven and DC2 wanted to cluster feed from pretty much 10pm to 5am and with a one year old in tow, it was damaging my mental state. I reached for the pump, only to see that 90% of what was coming out was blood. It was horrific and after 2 weeks I gave it up.

This time I'm adamant I'm not putting myself through it and want to formula feed from the get go, but how do I make that clear to the midwives in the hospital who are always SO dead set on getting me to try breastfeeding. I've been there, tried it twice, it isn't for me.

I'm worried I'm going to end up giving in and going along with what they say, when I really don't want to!

I’m wanting to bottle feed my 3rd too.
Didn’t BF my first as milk didn’t come in and it was agony.
With my 2nd I really wanted to try and I did enjoy it but I had to combo feed as he lost too much weight so midwife said I had to top him up and I never did have much milk. I was a little uncomfortable feeding him out or in front of people even with a cover over me.
So I didn’t have any issues but this time I have decided to bottle feed purely as my little boy will only be 18months when baby arrives, I will be having. 3rd section so will already be unable to pick him up and I just think if I am breastfeeding a new baby constantly he is going to feel really pushed out and jealous which I don’t want and it’s just going to be so much for others to help if I bottle feed.
I am also worried I am going to be pushed into and like you if I’m tired and emotional and have someone pressuring me into it that I might cave through guilt but I’ve also told other half so he will back me up. Think you just have to be really clear and firm with your choices. Good luck x

“This is what I’ve decided to do. Please don’t mention it again.” And repeat. It is hard when you’re feeling vulnerable.

I never got pestered to do it but I was adamant from the beginning. I had the prepared bottles all ready etc. if you waiver at any point I hear that's when they bother you.

Maybe buy those ready prepared milks you can drink straight away. That way your husband can whip it out as soon as they say baby needs food?

I plan to put in my birth plan and tell midwife at my next appointment. I will get boyfriend advocate shortly after birth if iam unable. My whole family is aware of our choice too.

“This is what I’ve decided to do. Please don’t mention it again.” And repeat. It is hard when you’re feeling vulnerable

Agreed. And also get your husband involved. Discuss before the birth that he should step in and say things like, “as she said, my wife has made this decision and it doesn’t need to be brought up again.”

I put it in my birth preferences. It was the only thing I wrote there so it stood out. I made it absolutely clear just once with each MW I saw that I wouldn’t be breastfeeding. They did briefly try to persuade me (this didn’t upset me; they have to encourage breastfeeding) but I wouldn’t say I felt any pressure at all.

I was absolutely clear though and I think that helped. No way was I going to be pressured into it after how bad I found it with DC1. I had the prepared milk ready. After DC2 was born the midwife helped DH feed, no problems at all and absolutely no second guessing me.

I think you need to let them know now. Whether it's putting it in your birth plan or mentioning it at your next appt, just make sure it's already been discussed. That way once your DC arrives if someone starts making noise about breastfeeding you can just say "no, I'm not breastfeeding, please refer to my notes".

Obviously you can say that anyway but if you've got it in your notes then it makes it much easier for you. You will hopefully have to argue less, which you will struggle to do straight after birth because you'll be so exhausted.

I’m worried about this too. I’m 25w and the midwife wrote it in my notes at the beginning, but they still ask me at every single appointment.

I’m worried that I’ll be post c section and exhausted and feel like I have to.

I think I’m going to get some of those pre made bottles that DH can bring on the recovery room and get him involved with saying no.

I would take the very good wording from nataliaobispova and print it out in big bold letters on a small ish piece of paper and laminate it. Then hand it to any person who mentions bfeeding again.

But then I have no time at all for anyone at all who tries to pressure women into doing things they dont want to. I bf my daughter solidly but it is a choice, not an obligation.

Our hospital had a policy from last summer that all babies who were going to be FF from birth had to have the formula provided by the parents, up to 6 little bottles at a time (their fridges couldn't store any more) unless there was a medical reason baby needed the formula. They wouldn't provide the formula which wasn't the case when I had my first.

You may want to check what your hospital's policy is on this.

Would it be an idea to give colostrum for the first few days, maybe with formula as well, then stop as soon as you're unhappy? Even a bit can help immune system.

Definitely write it very clearly in your birth plan. ANd get your husband to say a forceful no if they try to force you.

I never wanted to even try breastfeeding. I made that clear from the start. The community midwife was rude about it (and the student even tried to put down that I would try until I threatened to complain).
However the lovely midwife and student midwife in the birth centre were very supportive and didn't try to change my mind at all.
I took a starter pack of formula with me.
The most important thing is to stick to your decision. You're doing nothing wrong at all. Just say "I will not be trying to breastfeed" or similar. I said "I don't want to even try to breastfeed or express breastmilk at all, I will be formula feeding only". Also i made sure it was clear in my birth plan.

With DC2, we'd taken ready made formula bottles with us. I had an emergency section with DC1 and DC2 was an elective, so once in recovery we asked midwife if DH could run and quickly sterilise a bottle so we could begin feeding, to which I was told something along the lines or 'but baby is hungry now, you really need to try. Just pop him on for an hour or so to establish feeding to settle him/satisfy him, you'll be fine'.

I felt so pressured after both births to breastfeed that I inevitably ended up crumbling and just going along with what the midwives said.

When I had my booking in appt for this third pregnancy, the woman sorting out my notes told me that my postcode has the lowest number of women wanting to breastfeed/successfully breastfeeding.. not sure what she was trying to achieve by telling me that

I am lucky however, in that since I had DC2, my hospital has a new scheme in place whereby I'm seeing a specialist 'c section midwife' for my appointments, and she'll also be in theatre with us and in recovery with us too. She seems lovely, so perhaps I'll mention to her about my concerns regarding feeding and hopefully have her full support.

I'm about to have 3DC's under 3, so exhausting myself even more by doing something I really don't want to do, really isn't high up on my agenda this time!

@YellowYellowYellow I'm pregnant with first but am not going to BF as there is some scientific evidence with a health condition I have that it would not be best for baby. It is not a well understood health condition and I am expecting misunderstanding as I have experienced the last 19 years!!!!!

I have read you can get pre prepared ready to go bottles of milk so no need to sterilise or anything so am planning to have those on hand

What about colostrum though? It worth giving that for 24 hours and then switching. It's liquid gold and is really good for baby's immunity and bowel as well as preventing jaundice.

I never breastfed either of mine, they never had jaundice or bad bowels and have never been ill other then a cold! If people have problems breastfeeding then saying ‘even one day’ is pointless advice.

Leave her alone @ourkidmolly, she doesn't want to, her decision.

OP push on with your decision, ignore anyone trying to force you to BF, your body your choice, have a bottle of the pre made stuff on hand seeing as they are sterile and all you need to do is open the teat packet :-)

I would suggest taking in the ready made stuff, handing baby to dad and getting him to do it. It's your body. If you don't want to do it (and I speak as someone who exclusively breastfed 5 kids) you absolutely shouldn't feel forced to! Good god. Sure I think it's best for the baby, but so is having a mother who isn't ready to stab someone in the eye because her bodily autonomy has been compromised!

This is an opinion forum so we are all allowed to express opinions in a polite and respectful way. Which is what I've done. I don't need to leave anyone 'alone'. I haven't attacked anyone. I've offered an educated opinion which is what the op has requested. She can ignore or consider as preferred.

Currently expecting dc5

All FF from birth my choice. Have never felt pressured to BF.

If anyone tried to pressure me theyd be told to jog on

I'm a midwife working within the hospital setting.

I do appreciate you may encounter healthcare professionals who try to push their own personal agenda re: feeding onto you (which is wrong). I'd hate for the women I care for to think I was doing that to them.

Decisions regarding infant feeding are deeply personal and I believe in supporting women however they choose to feed their baby- what happened to holistic care? Informed choice?

The problem comes with the Baby Friendly Initiative- healthcare settings gain 'statuses' (or levels) by meeting rigid standards design to promote breastfeeding which result in financial reward to the trust. I'm not supposed to ask you how you want to feed your baby- I'm supposed to assume breastfeeding as a default. Community Midwives- I believe- have to evidence asking several times. I can't be seen to be promote formula feeding in any way. I'm not supposed to acknowledge it really as an option. I can't even recommend nipple shields when you feel like your nipples are about to fall off without potentially being reprimanded.

It's shit and gets in the way of providing decent care. And I think there would be far more effective ways of increasing breastfeeding rates than trying to impose rules on the unknowing population. Eradicating discussion of one of two options isn't informed choice.

I am still not sure what I am going to do . My partner wants me to breast feed feel pressured

I have a auto immune disease was solely breast fed. My partner bottle/formula fed from birthis 41 yrs old and has never had serious illness his whole life.
In my opinion breast isnt always best.