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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Doing it without a birthing partner?

15 replies

AuntMarch · 14/05/2019 20:14

I don't have one as things stand and wondered if anyone has been in the same position/how it was.

OP posts:

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Firsttimeuser12 · 14/05/2019 22:41

Not been through birth yet so not sure what to expect. Can you maybe ask one of your friends or hire a doula?

PaddingtonMare · 14/05/2019 22:50

Is there really no one who could be there for you? I was on standby for a friend as her husband was away on work (thankfully I wasn’t needed).

Please think carefully about doing it alone. it would be good to have someone to advocate on your behalf for the birth you want. If you need treatment after delivery, they can be there with your newborn. My maternity nurses were great - but the NHS is stretched, it’s helpful to have someone else, you’ll need to recover too!

diplodoco · 14/05/2019 22:53

If you can't get anyone please don't worry, I ignored my husband during birth he was a bit useless. The midwife was more like my birthing partner and if for some reason he couldn't make it for my next birth I wouldn't be daunted at all. Good luck with everything

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2019 22:55

My DH was with me. I think it’s useful to have someone there who knows your wishes and can be your advocate if you’re too tired or uncomfortable to be able to articulate your wishes.
Never wanted to be touched or bothered in labour so anyone trying to coach me through it would’ve been told where to go though.

carly2803 · 14/05/2019 22:56

I couldnt have given a shit during birth if a brass band would have walked in or been with me throughout.
I was in too much pain to pay attention to anyone.

its a personal thing though i think! I was rather someone is there passing me things like a fan, the bit before in labour is boring too so guess its nice to have someone to talk too

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2019 23:01

It also depends on if you will know and trust your MW. First time round I did and I had a water birth so she stayed with me. But my births are rapid so having someone to summon help before I got in the pool was useful.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/05/2019 23:02

I haven’t but I remember the midwife saying “one more push now” and then someone else on my left saying “yes one more push now” and thinking “yes I know that - she’s just said - who is that idiot?” and then realising it was dh and thinking “oh - is he here too - I’d forgotten about him”.

We’d been married 13 years at the time so arguably I should have had slightly more memory of him....

He also ate half of my toast post birth.

It was nice having him there after the birth so we could admire the marvellousness of ds together. But then they kicked him out so I got on with it myself!

JuniperNarni · 14/05/2019 23:02

I was on my own for my first and it was fine, it had it's positives, I was completely focused on myself and baby. My mum arrived not long after he was born but he was transferred to another hospital anyway so I didn't need help with him so I couldn't say about the after part.

whycantIthinkofadecentusername · 14/05/2019 23:04

DP was there but to be honest he wasn't the most helpful. He tried, but in the end I told him to leave me alone by throwing the gas and air mouthpiece at his head. I was much better with the student midwife. She was fantastic. Do what you feel is right, if you would like someone there ask a friend or a family member, if not and your comfortable, then go it alone.

notoafternoontea · 14/05/2019 23:09

Could have totally done it without DH. It was important for him that he was there but wasn’t for me in the slightest. I went so far into my head I wasn’t really aware of anything.

I’d have been fine on my own

DulcieRay · 14/05/2019 23:10

I wouldn't want to. I need somebody to advocate for me during labour as I don't cope well with the pain.

I have met other women who did. But I think it's always better to have someone there, or at least somebody checking in on you regularly and bringing in the things you've forgotten!

Poppins2016 · 14/05/2019 23:12

I wasn't on my own, but when pregnant I was pretty sure that I wouldn't mind it. I knew DH would annoy me during labour and that I'd just want to get on with it in my own way.

Having given birth, I stand by that and I know I wouldn't be phased if DH couldn't be there for our (hypothetical) second. I had a fantastic 'hands off' midwife at the MLU and DH just sat in an armchair watching me labour and give birth in the pool, so he may as well have not been there for my labour.

The only issues with my hypothetical scenario:

While I'm sure I would be happy going it alone, I know DH would be sad not to witness the birth.
I had a very straightforward birth. I really don't know what my thoughts would be if I'd have had complications with my first baby. I'd potentially want someone to be able to advocate for me.

notangelinajolie · 14/05/2019 23:26

For the actual giving birth bit I was off somewhere with the fairies and it was just me and the midwife focusing on what we both had to do. DH was there but wasn't really there IYSWIM.
He did come in handy early on though. Midwives do leave you on your own for quite a bit in the early stages and it was nice to have someone there to keep me company and go and ask for pain relief/help/get food when I needed it.

Original poster

AuntMarch · 16/05/2019 08:05

This makes me feel a bit better! I did think somebody there might annoy me - I don't have much of a plan, I've never done it before so while I'll aim for as natural as possible, if I'm struggling they can absolutely give me all the drugs!

I'm sure baby's dad will want to be there, but we are separated and just his breathing makes me want to punch him on the nose so there is no way on earth I could cope with him there while I'm actually in labour. I'm already dreading his presence for the next however long until baby isn't relient on me for feeding.
He can appear at the last minute!

I could in theory ask a friend/family member, but I can't expect them to be able to drop work, own kids etc at no notice.

OP posts:

notoafternoontea · 16/05/2019 08:16

Midwives do leave you on your own for quite a bit in the early stages and it was nice to have someone there to keep me company and go and ask for pain relief/help/get food when I needed it.

Ha! On the flipside of that...DD1, he sat in a chair and watched me which was the right thing to do as I was far into my own head and didn't want to be touched. However, a student midwife kept coming and rubbing my lower back while I was contracting. I didn't tell her to stop as I was afraid I'd bite her head off. Afterwards I asked him, since he knew I didn't like to be touched, why he didn't ask her nicely to stop. Apparently he didn't want to upset her.

With DD2 I was in hospital and labouring in the middle of the night. He doesn't do well without sleep and had been grumpy on the way to the hospital and snapped at me which, given that I was in labour, really upset me. Then when we got there, he fell asleep in the chair.

Thinking about it, I really would have been better off without him.

To listen to him though, you'd think he was the world's best birthing partner .

go it alone OP, you're better off that way!

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