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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When/if to tell family about labour?

33 replies

Beckyv88 · 14/05/2019 19:34

I’m wondering when or if you plan to tell your family you’re in labour, or if you’ll wait until the baby is here?

I’m a bit reluctant to tell my MIL I’m in labour since she’s been so intense throughout my pregnancy and has made lots of comments about basically taking care of my baby for me because I guess she thinks I won’t be able to or won’t want to. She’s asked me to tell her straightaway when I’m in labour but I want to as I’m sure she’ll show up at the hospital and refuse to leave, which will make me anxious.

However I do feel it’s a bit unfair maybe to tell my parents and not her, and I do think she’ll be hurt. But my parents will respect my boundaries whereas she won’t.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LoisLittsLover · 14/05/2019 19:39

I didn't tell anyone. I went a bit primal and felt the need to almost shut myself away. Will need to tell my parents this time as they will be caring for dd

MrsL2016 · 14/05/2019 19:39

We didn't tell anyone until baby arrived. It all happened over night anyway and they all woke up in the morning to a nice text and pic of their grandson. I really loved it being just me and dh and that he wasn't having to keep everyone updated.

CastorTroyWantsHisFaceBack · 14/05/2019 19:40

We’ve decided on a blanket ban. No one will know anything until the baby is here.

My mum is particularly excited and would try and find a reason that she had to be at the hospital - and it is not what we want.

DH is a very private person anyway, I don’t need the added pressure of everyone asking ‘have you had the baby’ and lastly it’s our first baby and we just want some time just the three of us.

I do think it’s unfair to tell your parents and not his mum, but I love my in-laws, and have a great relationship with them, so easy for me to say they should be treated the same.

Original poster

Beckyv88 · 14/05/2019 19:48

Thanks, OK, I think we’ll just not tell, depending on how I feel at the time. Maybe just a little word with my mum as I know she’ll be concerned.

OP posts:

GoodPlaceJanet · 14/05/2019 19:49

My waters broke in my parents kitchen after a family meal so couldn't hide it!

Good luck OP!

Gustavo1 · 14/05/2019 19:51

We decided not to tell. I didn’t want the added pressure of DH having to ‘update’ people if things took a while (and they did!) or the pressure of letting people
know immediately. We had a couple of hours in the delivery suite afterwards, I needed stitches and a drip and then we had some refreshments. Best tea and toast EVER! Then we called everyone to announce baby was safely here.

PotteringAlong · 14/05/2019 19:53

Unless it’s not your first baby and you need childcare you don’t need to tell anyone!

BackToDecember · 14/05/2019 19:53

We didn't tell my Mother I was being induced only told her once active labour started but she lives really really far away. If she lived nearby I would have told her after I delivered.

In laws knew from the start.

It's not about fair it's about what's right for you, you're the one birthing a human not her.

BackToDecember · 14/05/2019 19:55

Sorry should add, we didn't tell my Mom sooner even though she's far away because she would have pestered us constantly and put it all over FB.

ChrisPrattsFace · 14/05/2019 19:57

We’re the same OP. We don’t plan on telling anyone. If we have a very lengthy or difficult labour we MAY tell my mum, but have decided no one knows untill we’ve had the time to process together/as a three first!

EnjoyItAll · 14/05/2019 20:00

It's our first baby so things may change but we're planning on having a bit of time just the three of us before telling anyone. I will only tell someone if my dh can't get there due to his job

bobble53 · 14/05/2019 20:03

I’ll tell my dad when I go into labour as he won’t pester us.
We will tell my partners mum and dad once baby has arrived but not straight away.

S1naidSucks · 14/05/2019 20:10

I don’t understand when people talk about what is FAIR, regarding the grandparents. If they’re decent parents they will be more concerned about the mother to be, going through labour and what SHE wants. If they’re the kind of GPs to be that are going to feel hard done by, then they’ve no right to know when you’re in labour.

mylittlenugget · 14/05/2019 20:14

Telling mum as she's taking me to hospital and my Nan because she'll need to be around but otherwise no one is knowing until we're home ideally

crazycatlady7 · 14/05/2019 20:14

My plan is to tell no one, DH wants to tell our mum's which would be ok. I've also said I want the first few hours and maybe day just us 3.... we have some intense family who would be knocking on the door and messaging all the time and I can't be dealing with that, I just want to be in a bubble with us 3.

jp237 · 14/05/2019 20:17

I'm 22 weeks and plan on telling no-one (apart from my fiance, of course) when I go into labour. His and my family are not particularly pushy but even so, I want all of his attention on me during labour, not text messages/phone calls from his mum, I don't want my phone beeping away with people looking for updates, and I certainly don't want anyone turning up at the hospital five minutes after the baby is born. The dream would be to go into labour late at night when no-one is expecting any contact and for the baby to be born by morning.

jpclarke · 14/05/2019 20:21

On my first, I planned on telling no one. Then unexpectedly when I was over due I was booked in for a elcs. Told our parents that we were going to following day. Bad decision, we obviously had no phones on in theatre and due to me going into a bit of shock after we were longer in recovery and the messages that we came out to. They were never told again when I was going in. Inlaws took dc for the next section so I didn't have to tell my parents. Be prepared for annoying messages if you do tell.

IntoValhalla · 14/05/2019 20:25

DC1, I told my mum I was going in to bed induced on “X” day, but other than that we didn’t tell anyone anything until the baby was born.
DC2, I woke up in labour that morning, and my parents were due to be visiting that day anyway! So it was actually quite well timed on mother nature’s part so I had an extra pair of hands in the house to help with toddler DC1, while DH and I were busy bringing DC2 into the world in another room! But no one else knew until a few hours after the baby was born.
I’m expecting DC3, and plan to do the same again. Unless there’s reason for my mother to know (like the situation with DC2s birth), everyone will be informed after the baby is born

IntoValhalla · 14/05/2019 20:26

Should have added that my in-laws couldn’t give a fuck either way, so it doesn’t really matter if they are informed when I go into labour or 6 months after the baby is born

annlee3817 · 14/05/2019 20:27

We were at my parents house when I went into labour and my mum was my other birthing partner. DH didn't feel it was fair for them to know and not his parents, so he dropped them a text, it was in the early hours of the morning and they live in South Africa, so wasn't a major issue for us. They text back once to acknowledge and then waited for news :)

Tell who you feel comfortable telling and leave it at that, not everyone has to know, and it's not a matter or fair, your labour, your time, not theirs

coral13 · 14/05/2019 20:31

We're just telling a couple of friends as they are on pet sitting duty when it all kicks off.

We won't be saying anything to anyone else. I want some time before everyone starts trying to talk to us and my mum would leave us be but I know she'd be worrying the whole time after I tell her I'm in labour so would rather just tell her at the end

Dandelion1993 · 14/05/2019 20:32

Told no one with our first and only my mum when second was born as she was coming to look after our eldest.

We ways made it clear this is what we would do. We didn't want people to know and start calling during labour asking questions.

Newyearsameoldshit · 14/05/2019 20:42

Didn't tell anyone till baby was safely delivered - needed all my energy and positivity to get through a 3 day induction and certainly didn't want MIL and her constant negativity coming my way!

ryanreynolds · 14/05/2019 21:12

We're not telling anyone. My parents would expect regular updates and neither me nor DH will be doing this.

I've told them this, they don't like it (but they have big problems accepting I'm not a child any more so...)

I am now kicking myself that I told them my due date, wish I'd told everyone it was a bit later to buy me some peace and quiet!!

harrypotterfan1604 · 14/05/2019 21:14

My advice is don’t tell anyone.
I was induced and made the mistake of telling my family when I was going in and they hounded my poor partner he was really stressed with it

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