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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant and stressed about money

8 replies

PutTheBassInYourWalk · 14/05/2019 11:43

Hi all, I'm a long-time reader of mumsnet but first time poster - please be gentle with me as I'm feeling quite fragile at the moment. I am aware that there are details here that will identify me to anyone who knows me in real life, but I'm willing to risk it for some good advice....

DH and I have been TTC since October 2018, but spent over a year prior to that having genetic counselling and exploring options as I have a genetic condition that has a 50/50 chance of being passed on to our child. We decided to try to conceive naturally but thought that this might be unlikely as I have had chemotherapy for lymphoma and we weren't sure what impact this had had on my fertility, and it also took my mum five years to get pregnant so thought we might be in a similar position.

In October we sold our flat and bought at 'do er upper' much closer to our families. In December I quit my 60K plus job as my mental health was rapidly deteriorating due to bullying at work and we decided I would project manage the renovations of our house (using money from the flat sale) instead of getting a builder in. All fine as we had enough in savings to cover my half of the mortgage (£500) for a good few months and the renovations, then I could find a new job.

I am currently living with my mum and he is currently living with his mum due to the renovation (why we both can't live together at one mum's is a long story for a whole other MIL thread but isn't a reflection on mine and DH's relationship), so with this plus the reasons I mentioned above, we didn't use contraception. In hindsight, I know this was bloody stupid, but it felt like it would never happen and I worried I would end up regretting waiting and putting off TTC.

So, now I'm 6 weeks pregnant and unemployed! I am SO STRESSED about what we will do about money. I have got some freelance work but because I'm just starting out I have no idea how much income this will generate or how reliable this will be, and have a job interview for a civil service job next week (£27K), but both of these will only give me maternity allowance, which will be £144 a week if I can get the maximum amount - just enough to cover my half of the mortgage, which we might be able to struggle by on for a few months but will mean I have to 'go back to' or find work incredibly soon after baby is born, which is obviously not ideal.

Husband currently earns 22K as a branch manager, which isn't enough to support us both. It is too late to reduce the extent of the renovations as we are only a few months away from finishing and the things that are left are things like fitting a kitchen and getting floors laid so fairly essential and we were already working to a tight budget.

I feel incredibly stupid for putting myself in this vulnerable position and can of course see how I would have done it all differently in hindsight (not quit my job, not bought a do-er upper!), but does any one have any words of wisdom or advice please?

Thank you for reading this incredibly long post!

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Aimily · 14/05/2019 11:53

Congratulations! It may not be ideal, but from reading your post it is wanted. I'm assuming all renovations are paid for pretty much from what you say about them not being reducible?

I think you need to breathe first of all. Try not to stress yourself out, it's not good for you or baby.
Secondly write a list of all of your expenses i.e:
Mortgage
Gas and elec
Water
Etc
Work out what your fixed out goings will be in total. Use your dh's wage to cover them and use your stat mat pay as a buffer/disposable income if possible.
Use your savings to cover anything else you need to do, on that point could you pay your mortgage direct from savings and then it will be standard bill from wages?

Good luck and I'm sure it will be ok.

PutTheBassInYourWalk · 14/05/2019 12:04

Thanks, Aimily. You're right we need to sit down and work out exactly how much money we need - it's just tricky working it out for a house you've not actually lived in yet, but I will google for some 3 bed averages.

I think part of the reason I am stressed is that we are using all of our savings for the renovations and there will be nothing left after that so no cushion. Which was an OK plan when I was planning on going back to work in a similar paying job, but now I feel like my earning and savings potential has been taken away.

OP posts:
Marty93 · 14/05/2019 12:29

Firstly, congratulations.

Secondly, I don't think there is ever a "right time" to start TTC. I know it is easier said than done; but try not to worry. Everything happens for a reason!

What I would do is write down income and outgoings on an average month.

If OH's income can pay for the absolute-must-pay bills, can your mat allowance be used as a buffer ?? It would be tight but only temporary until you can get back to work.

Xxx

liquidice · 14/05/2019 12:30

Consider asking bank for a mortgage holiday for a few months

liquidice · 14/05/2019 12:30

Or change to interest only for a period

blackcat86 · 14/05/2019 12:40

Congratulations on your pregnancy.It may not be the perfect time but it rarely is and it sounds like you have a great relationship and a lovely home on the horizon. Money wise, there are a lot of self employed working from home jobs that you can pick up to make extra money. You may also have skills or interests that would help you. Would DH consider finding a better paid job? Could either gp offer any childcare to help with those costs? Obviously it's not a presumption but it can really help.

mimibunz · 14/05/2019 16:49

I agree with the PP who suggested asking the bank for a mortgage holiday. They would rather work with you than take your house!

PutTheBassInYourWalk · 14/05/2019 20:52

Thanks all. There are some really helpful suggestions there.

We sat down this afternoon and worked out how much we need each month to survive. DH's wage just about covers this - just! - so any money I can earn (or get from MA) will be a bonus. I'm going to see how I get on with the freelance work I have for the next few months, he is going to start looking for new jobs, and then we'll review it again in a couple of months. Eek!

I'm not sure I'd want to leave the baby with PILs (neither is DH) and my mum is a full time carer for my dad, but my sister lives around the corner and is due herself next week so I wonder if we could work something out between the two of us.

Will definitely keep a mortgage holiday in mind too for if it gets too tight.

Thanks again everyone :)

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