19 weeks mental health issues - what to do

[Beeseeinya]

I'm after a bit of advice as I dont really understand how to access my midwife. I have the next appointment some time with her mid July. I'm feeling a bit iffy, mentally. I might class it as high stress and anxiety being triggered but I'm at a point where I've judged myself to be on the edge a bit, of panic and hyperactivity sending me slightly manic. I feel a bit mad. I've been here before and it isn't good, I'll probably go into a very depressed phase. I'm struggling with work. I'm under a lot of pressure there.

Is this something I can talk to midwife about? How/when should I be contacting her in between appointments? It's very hard to make GP appointments and they are actually not much help in this situation. I'm already medicated. What I want to talk about is the risk to baby.

Can i just call them whenever? Should there be drop ins or something? Just feel a bit alone with this and when i go useless and panicked from stress i over analyse even further making it even harder to contact health people which is not ideal. But it's why I'm asking you and not them 😂

I actually haven't a clue, but I hate when nobody responds to my posts so thought I'd reply with something anyway! Could you ring the receptionist at the GP surgery and she might be able to ask a nurse how to get in touch with the midwife, if she/he themselves don't know?

Have a look at your pregnancy notes and see if there are any contact numbers there.

And yes this is absolutely something you can speak to the midwife about.

Also, even though you say you're already medicated (presumably you've checked that your meds are ok during pregnancy?), if you're still not feeling well, you might need to call and make an impossible to get appointment anyway. Believe me I know how hard it is to get an appointment! But they may need to/be able to adjust your meds to decrease the likelihood of you developing PND - that is one nasty bugger of an affliction and I think antenatal depression is a risk factor.

Where I'm from, you're monitored closely/your meds and doses are monitored closely while you're pregnant if you're already suffering from depression. Again it's in an effort to avoid PND.

Thank you for that advice, I hadn't considered pnd. When I found out I was pregnant the first thing I did (4+1!) Was grab a gp appointment to discuss meds. So what I'm on is fine. I went on a higher dose last year and I went a bit loopy so we took it back down. I'm not keen on experimenting further but i guess that is for the professionals to judge...

I guess I need to go through the appointment booking horror. I don't find it a problem when I'm 'sane' but the minute I'm like this the receptionists feel like the demon headmaster and I give in so easily.
Actually last time I saw midwife I was in tears from so much pain after a back sprain. She marched me to reception to get an appointment and even she couldn't manage it! Had to wait until the following day and do the phone lottery. Make 50 calls at 8am, engaged for 10 minutes, finally get through and all morning appointments gone, try again at 2pm. No advance appointments for 6 weeks. Meanwhile I've worked at home just in case I get one, and the more I do that the more hassle I am getting from work about not being 'present' in the office (despite high performance, can do most things remotely though it's not ideal).
Just this past week I've had a bit of a telling off from high up because I'm 'senior' and being off doesn't 'give a good impression'. Well, sure, but my health must come first surely? I don't usually take the pee. You just gave me a performance pay rise 3 weeks ago. They literally suggested I go off on permanent sick leave and abandon all my projects instead of trying to get them done in whatever way I can (which has been going fine according to anyone I'm working with on those projects). Feel like I worked hard for nothing through morning sickness, back spasms and madness only to now be treated with contempt because the heads and directors didn't see my face every day. Makes no logical sense.

So I'm here awake since 4am wondering, do I go in to work today and delay seeking treatment so I can prove I'm not useless at work, by doing the same work at their desk as I could do at home today?
I've gone on a bit of a work rant now.
Erm. Yeah mental health. I'll go in to work and see how I feel. I'm going on holiday next week. Maybe that will help calm things down.

I had the 8am lottery yesterday morning. Finally got through at 8.22 after 54 calls. Managed to get an appointment though thankfully!
Aim to go into work, but start calling from 8am (I once got through on the first ring! wooohooo!). Then, even if you're on the train or whatever, but manage to swing an appointment, you can go in for a half day depending on what time you get the appointment. You might as well get it seen to sooner rather than later! Showing your face can be a big thing, as people find it difficult to communicate with people WFH as you can't just dial an extension or whatever. Our phone system shows people's mobile numbers and should show their status as WFH - call mobile, when they're WFH.

We have some redirects and a chat/call system on the laptop, but yeah face to face is important. Thing is I've been managing this with my boss since Feb when bad ms started. She agreed I can do wfh to manage it, and I took a handful of sick days when I couldn't get out of bed. Since back and hip pain started as well physically going to work has been a nightmare. I'm in so much pain by lunch time, and I suffer with pollution allergies as well. It all leads to insomnia and I feel bloody miserable all the time. I also don't look after myself in the office as it's quite a rushed environment so I don't get enough water or toilet breaks (entirely my own fault, I get way too intense and focused) which then aggravates the constipation which is also painful. Overall I feel a total mess.

I don't feel most of this stuff at home. Or, I'm able to look after myself enough that it doesn't become constant and debilitating. That's just a fact. So boss agreed, this is fine. Makes more sense than just disappearing and being signed off, to us.

Suddenly I'm being told the opposite, a bit out of the blue. I think its triggered something in me, first I was inconsolably upset and embarrassed because I thought I had everything under control, then I was apoplectic with rage about it, and now I'm just sad and paranoid. I think it has triggered me a bit so now I'm a bit mental, I see the signs. Talking to myself, even less sleep, can't stop talking, can't concentrate, stomach upset, weird thought patterns. Not quite psychosis but... something odd in my imaginings. Regret being pregnant and wishing it away in graphic detail which doesn't feel healthy.

Anyway. I am dealing with the work stuff, but I need a way out of the head stuff before some kind of crisis develops that takes me months of recovery.

Being a wimp about calling the GP. I can't put my finger on why. Feel pathetic.

Just pick up the phone and dial the number. Don't think further than that. If receptionist asks what it's in relation to, say pregnancy related...

We've had a lot of jealousy about people WFH all the time. If she can do it, why can't I etc. It's probably nothing whatsoever to do with your performance.

If/when you are in the office, prioritise water and toilet breaks etc. Look at it as something productive you're doing.

Thanks. It is so obvious really. Just feel out of control mentally which makes the most simple things impossible. Weird brain.