Sick of ‘advice’

[EllyNC291]

Anyone else found that since they were pregnant all anyone wants to tell you is how hard life will be with a baby? I’m getting so sick of people telling me to ‘sleep whilst you can’, ‘enjoy your husband whilst you can’, ‘have fun while you can’. My husband and I haven’t started a family on a whim, we’re are fully expecting it to be the biggest challenge of our life and incredibly hard and tiring, why can’t people be more supportive and tell us about the nice parts, or at least follow up how hard it will be with a comment like ‘if you ever need anything, please ask’. Feeling very hormonal today, if you couldn’t tell haha, but honestly I’m gonna snap at the next person who says something negative to me. Anyone else finding the same?? Sorry needed a little rant!!!

I had it all the time too when I was pregnant and tbh they were right 😂😂

If you think it's bad now, just WAIT until baby is here and they all have an opinion on that too. If it's not their way of how they done it years ago, it's a sigh and "no wonder children are ill these days" 😂😂

Good luck with your pregnancy and know that people do mean well so just smile nod and change the topic!

Yeah I hated that too! I am not silly I know what comes with a baby! If I wanted to keep sleeping, going out, having my partner to myself I wouldn't have had a baby!. Now I have my gorgeous 17month old and we have great naps together, great days out and we all spend time together as a family. And that is the best feeling on this earth. Enjoy! X

I felt this way, it's infuriating. But prepare yourself because it ramps up by about 1000 once you've actually had the baby.

Genuinely had someone today tell me to enjoy having one baby because it will be so much harder once I have two. I don’t even have one yet!! I don’t need the ‘warnings’ about two!

I'm with you OP I had this a lot! In fact when I told my manager I was pregnant the first thing he said was 'it's very hard'.

If it makes you feel any better all of the warnings of lack of sleep, no social life, messy house etc etc my mind was prepared for the worst! Turns out it's not as bad as people say it is (in my experience).

Best advice ? Nod smile and carry on as you were. People love to give advice, usually out of date advice, but just smile and carry on.

I have found out that everything people said to me was completely correct, its really hard work at the moment (although totally worth it)... but the fact is that them telling me how hard it is ISNT going to help! its too late now not like i could go back in time and think "oh thanks for telling me how hard it is guess ill think of a plan B"

Plus do they think you dont already know? i mean you are becoming responsible for another Human.. a tiny human that cant be responsible for themselves for quite a long time, obviously its going to be hard for some people -_- is everyone just supposed to not have children because of it?

I don't really mind it. I'm quite shy and bad at small talk, so it's nice to have something to chat about with people I have nothing in common with.
Occasionally I've had some interesting advice as well.
Personally I find the whole challenge and process and science around wtf is happening to my body and life kind of abstractly fascinating so I can talk about it as if it isn't personally about me.
Maybe I'm just not mega irritable yet and it will come

What everyone else said.

OP having a baby is wonderful and very rewarding so don't let people spoil that for you and take it with a pinch of salt.

For me, I wish I had slept more. I wish I had done more of my things. I haven't read a book in 7 years, I haven't had a proper lie in in 8 years and I haven't slept properly for that long either. My third baby is now 7mo and she hasn't slept well for 4 months, starting her day at 4am, today she started her day at 2:30am. In theory this is my third and I know what I'm doing as well 😂😂. I WISH I had listened to people who gave me all of the annoying but well meant advice. It's very much on par with telling children and teenagers that they've got it easy.

Despite my exhaustion and life being relentless, I love my family and they are wonderful. People aren't trying to put you off or upset you, they're trying to give you the extra bit of insight that they now have that they didn't have pre children but thought they did. They also don't know that everyone else is saying it to you.

YANBU, being pregnant apparently makes you suddenly public property, and every man and his dog gives you unsolicited advice, or tells you off. Unfortunately this also continues while your children are small. Eventually you do develop a thick skin, but it can be very annoying.

Yes we all get it lol!!
Funny thing was I found it easier having two children lol 😆

Good things - love you've never felt before, they'll fill a hole you never realised you had, and you become Rambo last too - where you'll
Literally blow away anyone who dares, or who you think may dare get bear your beloved bundle of joy
Smiling - never felt love and pride so much
First hurty- feels like your heart will break in two
First nappy explosion where it goes all over their clothes, up their back and on anything surrounding within a mile radius - my poor baby's tummy 😭, cuddles and bath (rather than what you thought you'd do I.e vomit everywhere lol

Enjoy, kids are great fun

It's annoying isn't it? I specifically hated people saying how 'hard' it was but not explaining why. I knew our life would change & we were really ready for that but tell me what aspects are the hardest. No sleep is a big one & people just say it like you'll be awake 24/7. I love my sleep but I coped really well, my partner helped loads & I got between 3-6 hour stretches whilst he took over (I expressed or we gave formula, EBF could be more difficult to get a block). By 9 months he slept through.

However the 'hard bits for me if people ask are...

Having to constantly plan for another person, what they will wear today, eat, drink meaning I always have to be on top of food shopping, packing the baby bag, it's no longer a case of up & out.

Not being able to leave them unsupervised whilst you nip to the loo because once you return, they've scaled the coffee table.

Keeping on top of the housework. We try our best but it's not easy as DS won't just sit & watch, he'll be trying to eat the cillit bang or attempting to get in the washer. We aim to do jobs when we are both home or have family help which is often so we are lucky but I have lowered my standards

On a positive note, we are the lucky ones that get to eat together every evening at 7ish & this has only ever been affected once that I remember as DS slept lots as a newborn & goes to bed at 7pm now (lots will tell you that you can never eat at all/never eat as a family/Will have to eat at 10pm - I proved this isn't always the case)

Good luck, it's literally wonderful being a parent & one person's 'hard' is not necessarily the same for another person's

What I find is if I say I'm uncomfortable or cant sleep ect i have people say 'oh its only going to get worse!' Yes I will be iam aware doesn't change facts now

Most ridiculous ‘advice’ I’ve had so far was telling me to organise a routine where I wake one twin and change feed etc that one then settle them before starting again with the other one - I did actually ask this person when I was supposed to have any time to myself especially in the early weeks if I were to do this (was told I don’t actually need any time to myself - apparently I will rest and eat, clean the house, keep on top of washing etc once they’re settled and before the next round of waking etc!!).

Waiting for the next set of pearls of wisdom from MiL - apparently I’ll be glad of her offering babies chocolate from 6 months as she gave it to her son (DH) at that age and, anyway, they are supposed to be on curry and roast dinners from 4 months or they’ll never come off the breast - oh, and I shouldn’t even bother trying to breast feed as it doesn’t ‘work’ when you have twins (which she’s never dealt with)

Thankfully I know my DMiL is totally bonkers and will trust the advice from my HV and relatives who have actually given birth to children more recently than 45+ years ago!!

Oh my God, I'm definitely sick of advice already and it's only 13 weeks! Even today, told a neighbour I was pregnant, who started into a reem of what to do, what not to do, eat ice, avoid such and such a hospital (which is the hospital I'm going to! ) ....Wonder are some people bitter that they didn't have good experiences or something.

Keep it to yourselves people, we'll learn just fine without your shitty advice.

I am fed up with people telling me that I won't be able to cope with my twins, I'll never breast feed and that they will go through dozens of cloth nappies...

I block it out and am grateful I'll get to experience it

It is trivializing of how hard pregnancy, particularly late pregnancy is. Ignore. I think it's just a form of misogynistic bullshit.

People are just trying to be helpful and friendly, they don’t mean to patronise you. I had the “sleep while you can” advice which I found funny because I wasn’t sleeping well in late pregnancy but oh my god they were right!

While it is annoying...the truth is you have NO idea what you're really in for until you have the baby here. No amount of research, educating yourself, or preparation can really prepare you for what it's like to become a parent.

That being said our daughter is an easy baby after the first few months she started to sleep like a dream, have long day naps, puts herself to bed, rarely whinges, and has quite a sweet disposition. It doesn't mean it's not still hard though at times, everything has changed, and the first 4 months weren't great.

Ds is 5 months old and yes it can be tough at times. But honestly? It’s not as hard and miserable as everyone likes to protest. It depends on your baby and how you handle the lifestyle shift. I suppose you can feel run down sometimes because once you have a baby it’s relentless. But most of the mothers at my baby group are sleep deprived but in awe at their lovely gorgeous little babies.

I was doing my final year dissertation when I found out I was pregnant- to me that was much harder!

Yep, I've had this, from the moment I announced my pregnancy. I'm 18w+3 at the moment.

• "Say goodbye to sleep forever"
• "Say goodbye to privacy"
• "Say goodbye to your money"
• "Say goodbye to your sex life"
• "Say goodbye to holidays"

Etc Etc Etc

I've never met such judgemental doomsday advice givers in my life. PARENTS. Literally the worst sometimes. I'm sure they mean well but I really wish they'd learn some tact.
I'm a high risk for PND and this pregnancy was unplanned as it was. This sort of "advice" (I loathe to use that word because it's not advice, it's just stating words at you) can be really damaging for some new mothers to be.

Someone actually batted some coleslaw out of my hand the other week because of some out of date information she got when she was pregnant frickin' yonks ago.

Mummyjackers are even worse and I discovered this waaaay before I got pregnant. Mention you are tired for some reason (working long hours, illness, etc) and you get "WAIT TIL YOU HAVE A KID, YOU KNOW NOTHING YET BLAH BLAH BLAH". I actually saw someone say this to someone going through chemotherapy once. It's rude and unsolicited.

I used to hAte this also! You wil get it forever not just while pregnant. People will start to say "oh u think the newborn stage is hard you wait for the toddler stage" then it's "oh having a toddler is easy compared to a teen" in my opinion (I've got 4 kids) every bloody stage is hard, but the hard bits don't replace the good bits!! And there are good bits else we wouldn't keep having babies lol

Just to add, my autistic daughter who is 4, and has mega meltdowns, was having one of her meltdowns in a car park last week, and I had a woman come over and say "oh if you think this is hard wait till you have a teenager, this age is much easier" I wanted to tell her to shove her comment where the sun doesn't shine lol.

The best time of my entire life was the first year with DS1. Best of all was the first three months. And best day of my life was the day I had him. I cried a whole night with joy thanking a god I had never believed in. I was basically high. I would grin madly at any parents passing with a pushchair. I wanted to stop them and shake them and say "can you believe this! How lucky we are!!!"

Before having him my biggest worry was that I wouldn't love him. I wanted to slap people who asked if I was excited.

God yes! I was so close to posting the exact same thing when I was pregnant but kept telling myself to calm down haha!

What I found was people who had crap babies telling you how hard it is and wishing their own misery on you- hoping you never sleep again. Best thing is mine are legends and I'm probably not that discreet with my smugness.

Also a few favourites...
"Oh you HAVE to breastfeed"
"Should you be drinking that coffee?"
"Make sure you enjoy time together now as you'll never get chance again" (not true)
"You really think you'll have time to do (insert fun thing here) when you have a baby? Followed by a scoff."

Still continues now I have the kids but find it easier to ignore, it used to really make me angry at the time tho.