Telling TTC friend I'm pregnant

[Strawberrylollies]

I've name changed for this, my darling best friend has been trying to conceive for over 3 years. She has confided in me a lot about the emotions and her feelings and I know she is in a lot of pain emotionally. She is about to have IVF for the first time. I'm pregnant, she doesn't know. We message pretty much every day but rarely see each other due to distance. I'm early in my pregnancy and am aware anything can go wrong for me. I just don't know when it's best to tell her, I want to wait in the hope her IVF will be a success but I'm worried if I wait too many months by the time I tell her she will be hurt and feel deceived that I was messaging her and never said anything while others knew. WWYD?

Tell her well before 12 weeks and do it via text first so she can compose herself.

Voice of experience!

@lividlaughlove Even before she has had IVF? I don't want it to have a negative effect

@Strawberrylollies hi OP
I was on the other side of this, I had been trying for two years, had a mc and was about to start IVF. My friend, although not my best friend in fact it's DH's best friends partner who I get along with, knew all this and told me when she was 10 weeks pregnant. I was over the moon for her, I did get sad about 10 minutes afterwards but she's never pushed it in my face. Even throughout her pregnancy she's asked me how things are going and wished me luck every step of the way. She's 20 weeks now and I'm 6 weeks. Tell her, she'll be happy for you and sad at the same time but I just suggest you keep asking her about her ivf because it is a very daunting time. I wish you a very healthy pregnancy x

@Strawberrylollies
I was the same but I was the friend before ... my friend told me early on and I was devastated although I was happy for her. I was glad I knew so early as it gave me time to come to terms with it before other people knew and it was on social media etc. It was hard the whole was through but I knew she'd be really happy for me when it was my turn xx

Telling her won’t affect how successful her IVF is. If anything, it will be worse if it doesn’t work and then you tell her you’re pregnant.

The best thing is to tell her by text, when you would havd told her anyway, at a time when you know she’ll be at home with her husband. Don’t add anything about knowing it will be hard for her or you hope she’ll be next etc. Factual, no scan picture is the way to go here.

Definitely a text. Give her a chance to compose herself.

Also don’t tell everyone and leave her feeling like she is the last to know. Been there!

Best to text her before her IVF cycle starts.

As someone in your friend’s position I would agree do it by text, no scan picture, no big build up like “guess what...”. I would also tell her as soon as you feel comfortable to and before you “announce” it anywhere.

Just something like “hi, how are you? I wanted you to be one of the first to you know that I am (however many weeks) pregnant. I’ve been thinking of you a lot recently and it would be nice to have a catch up on the phone soon.” Or since you message every day, just end with a question about whatever was in her last message.

Don’t push it if she doesn’t want the catch up call and if she does arrange a call, don’t talk much about pregnancy unless she asks, don’t be offended if she doesn’t ask or say much about it.

You’re a good friend for thinking of her and I’m sure you will handle it well. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Thank you all, and thank you for the congratulations. I'm glad I asked, my inclination was to wait but as it sounds best to tell her sooner rather than later that is what I will do, no fanfair and via text.

I agree with others by text,she will be happy for u just she will find it hard ,i hope the ivf works for her x