DP changing so much

[LilliesMummyx]

What do I do

Hi everyone!

So here's my story - I'm 27 with DD 3 and my partner is 35 with DC2 8+6.
I'm 10+4 with our first child together.

Baby wasn't planned but not a shock as we weren't actively trying to avoid it, but now it's happened my DP wants me to have an abortion. He knows this is something I would never do as I personally know how something like this would affect me as a mother and person. It's not something I would even begin to consider. Now he's saying things like I'm ruining his life and his DCs lives etc but he always knew the possibility and what I would do if I did fall pregnant. The atmosphere is awful I don't ever want to be around him. We don't live together but we've stayed together either in his or mine house every night for the past year or so, now I make excuses as to why he can't come over. I don't usually like my own company and would rather be with someone but with how tense things are I just don't want him around me, I feel like he's trying to manipulate me into doing what he wants me to do! I have given him to option to walk away and I've said I won't ask for a dime but no he wants me to kill our baby!! Nothing i say or do is good enough. He's making me feel so worthless! I know it takes men longer to get their heads around an unexpected pregnancy, but he's constantly getting on at me for my mood swings, I've been signed off work for 2 weeks due to extremely bad morning sickness which is lasting all day and night! I work in a care home so really not suitable for me to be at work, he's angry about it saying I'm lazy and looking for excuses not to work! I work late shifts 3pm-10pm and I'm up with my DD from 6am! I'm exhausted! The only time I've been off sick is when my DD has been unwell! I'm NOT lazy! I run my own home car I pay my own bills and raise my child alone! I hate what he's turning into! I don't even know if I want to continue in the relationship I never imagined (still don't) being with anyone else I love this man more than anything apart my DD! But I can't stand the way he's being!

I keep saying we both had consensual sex therefor we are both responsible but he's saying it's all MY fault because only I get to choose what happens next! This isn't how I want things to be

Don't be pressured into an abortion you clearly don't want. Although if you continue with the pregnancy you need to be prepared for the fact you will probably be doing it alone. If he wasn't ready for another child he should have taken active measures to avoid it.

He's a total fucking arsehole pathetic loser of a man.
I suggest you get your head around single parenthood and stop spending time with him.

I'm fully prepared to do it alone - I know it isn't ideal. My ex still plays a big part in our DD life and I can't fault him as a father. He goes above and beyond for me and our DD. My DP hates this as his relationship with his ex is very tense. But I can kinda see why she's so difficult if he also made her feel like this! He's always told me she baby trapped him, however now I think it was probably a similar situation, he just can't stand up to his responsibilities.

Am I wrong for not considering his feelings? Having a child is a huge commitment but having an abortion would completely destroy me! I don't think anyone can win in this situation I just needed to vent! Thanks for your replies xx

This relationship is over OP. I'm so sorry he's done this to you. What a pathetic man he is.
However you absolutely should contact CMS when the baby is born and make him pay for his child. The money is not for you, it is for your child which he is equally financially responsible for. Do not let him walk away from this responsibility towards his child.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck.

I think deep down I already know it's over. It's the hope that one day I would get it right and have a loving family home! But as long as I've got my DD and a healthy pregnancy/baby, what else matters!? NOTHING! Thank you xxx

Good luck 💐

Nobody should consider the feelings of a man like that. You have a baby to consider.
And his ex ‘baby trapped’ him twice? You can be on the look out for rubbish like that next time! Tell him he will die sad and old with 50 children whose mums all hate him unless he works out how contraception works and what making the choice to not using it means. Do make him pay child support.

As you say, you have a job and house and he is not living with you, so you are not in a messy financial situation. I am 100% pro choice, but choice also means the right to know you would never have an abortion. He always knew that you felt that way, so he made an informed decision to have unprotected sex anyway. You sound like an awesome mum.

He knew how babies were made and knew nothing was being done to prevent that 🤷‍♀️ He's a twat and I'd be ending the relationship with the way he has behaved.

How horrific, really feel for you. What an utter arse.

Definitely start planning for a new life without him as your partner.

It'll be interesting to see if he wants something to do with the baby when it comes. I hope he doesn't cause you years of issues.

That's not an unexpected pregnancy- he knew he was having unprotected sex. That's trying for a baby (as I'm sure you weren't telling him you were on the pill!). I'm sorry he's turned out to be such an arse! That's a good sign you need him out of your life, sadly.
It sounds like long term you might find a more rewarding family relationship with his ex- she might be up for the baby having a relationship with the half siblings.

He wanted sex without condoms but doesn’t want to face up to the consequences, now he wants you to go through the trauma of a termination just to make life easier for him. I think all this horrible behaviour like calling you lazy is a deliberate attempt to make you feel so miserable that you’ll give in and terminate the pregnancy.

Sorry OP but this man is showing his true colours now and they’re not pretty. I think you are best to finish with him now.

Thank you all so much!

I know what I've got to do, in the best interest of me and my DD&baby!

It's so hard I don't understand why men have to be like this! I thought I knew him inside out, goes to show when things get tough, he's ready to bail! That isn't a man in my eyes, and definitely not someone I want to be a role model to my children. I work hard to provide for my DD I definitely ain't wanting to leave work, or wanting the state to pay for my children!

I have an amazing family and good friends who I know will support me in anyway they possibly can! I'm aware how lucky I am to have them so I think il be calling on them to help me get through the next few weeks.

Here's to doing it alone

I appreciate every single reply! Xxx

I am sorry to say this, but what the heck were you thinking?? Unless, you had a discussion about the possibility of getting pregnant and him being happy with that, you should have been using protection. I do not understand how some people can be so careless about something so serious. Both of you are at fault here, as he is stupid to take the risk, but also, you should definitely not be so careless with out making sure he would actually be happy and support having another child.

That being said, too late for that now. Do not listen to him if he is pushing for an abortion. Do what you think is right for you, after all you are the one who will have to live with it. But do not expect him to be supportive etc after the baby is born. Only have this baby if you are able to cope with out any support from him. He might surprise you and actually step up, but I would not expect it.

I'm sorry he's turned out to be such an arsehole, I think that you're right to go it alone now. It's probably not what you wanted but it's the reality you are faced with.

I wouldn't have an abortion but i wouldn't be letting him off the hook i would make him pay child support, it takes two to conceive a child. There's to many men get away with supporting children, he had the pleasure of making a baby so he can have the pleasure of paying.

What a massive wanker. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all that whilst pregnant. Ditch this dickhead immediately. You'll be fine on your own

Oh... One more thing... Don't let him get away without paying child support. No way. You didn't get yourself pregnant.

Mamabear12 - yes we obviously had a discussion about children in our future and we both agreed that we wouldn't use contraception but wouldn't actively TTC we would let nature take its course 'if it's meant to be, it will happen when the time is right' kind of thing. I don't appreciate you being so negative towards me, and also sharing your response to my post on somebody else's post I'd appreciate it if you asked NM to remove that post! .. We are all human here and most mothers or mothers to be and I have seen so many negative comments that have absolutely no purpose. If you've got nothing nice or constructive to say, why say anything? Seems your very opinionated. I fully appreciate it isn't an ideal situation, and I have to openly held my hands up to my part of responsibility so I don't see your point to be valid! But thank you, kindly move on...

That is very different if you had a conversation about it. The way it was written in your post it sounds like you were just being careless and didn’t have the conversation. So sorry for making assumptions and the confusion. If it is the case you had the conversation then your dp is being a jerk about it. Don’t let him talk you into doing anything you don’t want. And I agree men should always pay child support, but what I meant was don’t expect it (but yes demand it) I’ve heard many stories of men getting around it or not paying etc. But just be prepared if you go ahead that it might end up just being you taking the responsibility.

So he thinks he can just spunk willy nilly into young healthy women but if she gets pregnant she should terminate or she 'trapped' him? Wow. He's a total piece of shit.