Anyone else had these thoughts?...

[Missycat1]

Hi there,

Does anyone else hate being classified as an ‘older’ mother as if it’s wrong to have children beyond a certain age? It never bothered me in the slightest but now I worry about how old I’ll be when my child is x years, if they’ll be embarrassed of me when they’re older and on it goes (was 35 + just turned 37). The more I try not to think about it the more I think about it. I’d like to think about a third but these worries are stopping me. Are there many mums out there at 38+? It’s almost becoming an obsession, I do wonder whether it might be PND exhibiting itself in this way? Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Hi @Missycat1 - I'll be 40 in December, a few days before my first is born. I see it very differently - I'm glad I'm going to be an older mum. I think it's only in recent years that I've become less selfish, matured properly, and appreciated everything that family life involves. I think I'll be a better mum now in my forties than I would have been in my twenties or thirties.

I didn't have much of a choice anyway, as it has taken 4 cycles of IVF and many years of heartbreak to get here! I think women are becoming mothers later in life now and there are far more of us geriatric mums now than there was 20 years ago. I believe it's the new normal.

I had my last dc at 43. I had my dd at 35 and she said a few weeks ago I was older like her friend's dm. But that's fine she said!! She is 12 and proud of me I know!!
I was a teen dm also and never felt judged then tbh. You need a confidence boost op. Being a good dm is ageless imo.
Allow yourself to enjoy your dc and feel proud every day they are gorgeous because of you!!

Thanks for your reply much appreciated. That’s why I feel ridiculous having these thoughts as I wasn’t ready for children earlier and then when we did, both were conceived first time so I also feel incredibly selfish and insensitive as I know how lucky we have been so
I have no right to moan. That’s why I do question whether ‘hormones/stress’ is playing a part on my ability to rationalise on this

I had my daughter at 22, she is now 14 and feel like a young mum at 36 compared to most of her friends parents who in the majority are late 40’s/ early 50’s.
I also have a 1 year old and nearly 17 weeks pregnant so know for them I will seem an older mum but then they will have a fun older sister too.

You’ll never win either way. I was 17 when I had DC1 and I was ‘The young mum’ I was ignored at baby groups, ignored in the school playground, patronised by drs receptionists and HV, given funny looks when out and about with DC. I had 2 more children in my late 20’s and was still called ‘a young mum’ it used to make me chuckle if they didn’t know at that point I had a 10 year old! Now I’m 38 and expecting DC4. I know I’ll be the ‘older mum’ especially as my DC1 now had a DC of her own, so I’m a nana! But....I couldn’t care less. I’m a good mum, I look after and love my children above all else and that’s all that matters x

My cousin’s mother in law had her husband when she was 40, and my aunt had my cousin at 20. Despite being nearly fifteen years older (and pushing 90) her husband’s mum looks decades younger than my aunt and is a lot healthier and fitter. Being healthy and fit matters as a mum whether you’re older or younger.

Thanks everyone x

I'm 38 and 9 weeks pregnant, will have this baby just after I turn 39.

I didn't meet my husband until I was 36, so I couldn't have had children when younger! I feel in tiptop shape and spent the last year literally training for pregnancy and delivery - lots of gym and a very healthy diet.

I wouldn't let it bother you. We are so much younger for longer these days, who cares what the number is. Just enjoy the pregnancy and the baby when he or she arrives :) That's what I plan to do!

Good luck!

Im 40 in sept & pregnant, it doesnt bother me. i dont look my age so maybe this helps me be ok with it all ,i dont think we are that old so try not to let it bother u. My husband is only 32 & i dont feel that the age gap makes me feel old either.
Be kind to yourself, stay healthy it will keep u looking younger ,also the way u dress,hair etc can really keep u looking young. Lots of women are having babies older so dont let this take over your mind x

I feel exactly the same - I had my first at 35 and am now pregnant at 37 with my second. We struggled for over 3 years to get pregnant and both pregnancies are a result of ivf. I feel quite sad that Im not younger - I struggle with tiredness and I'd like to be younger for my son when he's older if that makes sense. On the plus side both my DH and I have established careers and a lovely home and I could give up work and be a sahm if I wanted - although the days with my son are way more exhausting than work!!

branston well done preparing yourself - I really think that's the best thing you can do - especially if you're an older mum
I've always been active but fully intend to really commit to health fitness once number 2 is here!

I had my ds at 38. I honestly think no one really notices. If they do, I don't care. It's not unusual in this area at all

I’m having my 4th in a few weeks and I’ve just turned 38.

I had my 1st at 22 and if I’m honest I got more negative comments about that, even though I was married and she was tried for.

@RedPandaFluff can I offer you my sincere congratulations- I’ve read a few of your previous threads and I’m really pleased to read your good news!

Ahhh thank you @HalfBloodPrincess! I'm only 7 weeks so it's still early days, but this is further than we've ever got before so I'm allowing myself to be hopeful! Congratulations to you too 😁

I'm 39 with my first. I was also concerned about this before we TTC (and I put a cut off myself of 40 on us, partly because I didn't want to miss out of DC's life later on iyswim) but my GP was thoroughly reassuring and said she didn't consider me old at all as had had a 53 year old pregnant patient last year! I think it really depends on your own circumstances though as others have said. We don't look our age and are both fit sporty types. At booking in the only risk factor that flagged for me was 35+ increased DVT risk, which I suspect is only correlated to age rather than caused by it (older women do on average have a higher BMI/ bodyfat% & there's probably an activity level component too).

No, it doesn’t really bother me at all. It’s not a moral judgment on you, it’s simply an objective way of identifying which pregnancies are likely to carry different/higher risks so healthcare can be tailored.

I'm having my first at 41. In my area that is not particularly old, DH will be 46.

We will probably stop at 1, partly for financial reasons and partly due to age as I think a second will be pushing it health wise for us both.

But I genuinely don't care what anyone thinks. Children will always be embarrassed by their parents for some reason - age might be mine, but if it wasn't that it would be something else!

To be honest I don’t think anyone really.l notices or cares these days! Families come in all different shapes/sizes/varieties
I am a younger mum (about to have my 3rd at 25), but I’d say the “average” mum at the various groups I take DC2 to is around 35, so I definitely wouldn’t think late 30’s makes you an “old mum”!!
9 times out of 10, I’m the youngest one in the room, but the oldest mum I know at one of the groups who has toddlers similar ages to mine is 45 - I only know because it was her birthday last week!

I’m 37, and am chasing down the last 5yrs of a full military career. I’ll officially retire, with full pension, when I am 42. My child, due in Nov, will be starting primary school and will be able to have my full attention, with no financial worries etc and I won’t be chomping to get to work etc.

Swings and roundabouts, I’ve lived my life and am in a much more fortunate position than my OH when he had two kids in his 20s and not two pennies to rub together, with a woman he hardly knew, because ‘that’s what was expected’, when he didn’t know his own mind.

I’m 47 and due to have twins (my first babies) less than 3 months before my 48th birthday. To stop other people commenting about my age I make jokes about it first but I do worry about how other mums will view me at the school gate in my 50’s - will they think I’m the children’s granny; that sort of thing!! Thing is, I didn’t meet my husband until 5 years ago so we’ve not had a lifetime to make these decisions and do things young!!

I know a few women who had their first kids late 30's as were focused on career and generally enjoying life before hand.
They seem fine and are a lot more patient and seem to enjoy being a mother more than some young mums I see out and about.
But I had my son young and he's my world so I can't generalise really.
If you think back before contraception was about women were still having kids right up until menopause put a stop to things.

Remember - congratulations you are very lucky!! I am most envious!

Look for a page called we are geriatric mums on Facebook. You will absolutely love it. I am on there. Currently 9 weeks pregnant at 40!