Missed miscarriage on 12/40 scan

[betsy3]

Hiya,

So today went for 12 week scan with my first pregnancy to be told that the foetus has died at about 10 weeks. Totally heartbroken. We had a private early scan at 6+4 and saw the heartbeat and no pain/spotting but lots of pregnancy symptoms since so weren't at all prepared for bad news today.

Decided on surgical management next week if it doesn't happen naturally in meantime.

I have two questions:

-Did anyone else in a similar situation have a private cremation, and if so, how much roughly did it cost and how did you organise it?

-Any tips for TTC and the 1st trimester after this - I can't even fathom starting to try again and how I will handle the worry that this will happen again?

Thanks xx

Hi @betsy3,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I had a mmc diagnosed at 10 1/2 weeks also my first pregnancy. I have no experience in cremation or burial but just wanted to say I understand and you will get through it. 💐
You’ll be amazed at your own strength just need to give yourself time to grief. xxx

I’m so so sorry for your loss

I had exactly this happen and I’ve never known shock and pain like it. My heart goes out to you.

I tried medical management which didn’t work and ended up having surgical management under a local. Don’t do that, have a general if you go that route and if it doesn’t start or you’re in a lot of pain or bleed a lot then get to the EPU ASAP, you need decent pain meds and if it doesn’t pass completely you’re at risk of infection. Have you got pads and proper pain relief? The EPU will offer you codeine but you can also as for diclofenac (goes up your bum) which is great. Your head and heart will be in pieces so don’t put your body through more pain than you need to.

It wasn’t my first mc so they took tissue in the surgery for testing and it was cremated by the hospital with a service there by the Chaplin that we didn’t attend.

We took a month off ttc as I needed a vaccination (unconnected to mc) and then got back on it and I conceived that cycle. You wait as long as you need to. Some people are desperate to get back to “normal” and dtd when the bleeding’s stopped, some people need a break to rest and mend physically and emotionally. It’s so personal it’s really up to you how you feel. Waiting till you’ve had a period is only for dating purposes should you get a bfp straight after. There’s a ttc after mc thread on here when you’re ready.

Use the miscarriage association website which is brilliant and they have a phone line if you need to talk to someone.

I made the mistake of trying to get on with things as quickly as I could and wish I’d taken more time to cry, sleep, watch crap telly, get my strength up. Look after yourself x

I am so sorry for your loss. You must still be reeling from the shock of it all. The gynae ward that are looking after you will be able to give you the info about cremation costs - I think they will vary depending on location. In terms of trying again, it would be night on impossible not to be scared it will happen again. I found the early part of my pregnancy very difficult to enjoy. I didn't want to think about it at all and I didn't tell anyone until I was nearly 20 weeks. I was do scared I would jinx it. But as of could feel her moving And getting stronger I started to relax a bit more.

Everyone is different, and you will learn to live with the grief and weave it into the story of your families life. I hope the next weeks go smoothly. Lots of love and strength to you and your partner.

@betsy3 so sorry to hear your news, this has happened to me and I know the intense heartbreak you must be feeling. I had a mmc discovered at 8+5, baby had died at 8+1 and I'd seen a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks. Had my ERPC on the date of my 12 week scan last week. I was absolutely terrified of the surgery but I'm glad that's the route I chose.

Check with your gynae when you can ttc again. I had a random nurse at the hospital say to me we can't ttc for 3 months as the pregnancy wouldn't be viable anytime before then (!) my gynae told me I'm fine to ttc again once bleeding has stopped (which it has now). I'm still getting bfp's so am going to rely on checking cm and temping this cycle and dtd every other day from next week some time.

Sorry again op

Thank you for all your messages - they mean a lot.

I was offered a local anaesthetic operation but they then said they didn't have anyone to do it so has to be done under general, so good to hear that you recommend general @AnneLovesGilbert.

I think I will do the same as you @chanel05 and start trying when the bleeding stops.

So sorry that you have been through it too - it really is heartbreaking xxxx

That’s good OP, I’ve had two mc surgeries, one under local and one general and the latter, the emotional stuff aside, was really quite easy. I don’t know why they ever do it under a local, my consultant said it’s inhumane, no matter how kind the staff are, and he’s right.

The care was great and I was home in a couple of hours. Make sure someone is with you to take you home, feed you and look after you. You might have cramping pains but they shouldn’t be too bad. Again, get and take the good pain meds if you need them. Bleeding should be alright in normal decent pads and you should get a bfn in a couple of weeks.

I’m so sorry x