DP doesn't seem excited.

[IAmNotPatientOrPregnant]

We've been trying for 7 months, and throughout trying hes been talking about it like he excited, hoping that it was my month each month, talking about having a family.

I've just got my first BFP and DP seems to have shut down. I asked him if he wanted to tell any close family or friends before the 12 weeks as ill probably tell my mum.
He just said "I dunno" and I jokingly said "or shall we just tell everyone when i pop the baby out?" And he actually made a remark that he would tell people when they naturally find out that being if I've got a bump or have given birth.

I dont know if its hormones but it's made me feel really upset that he doesnt seem excited :(

Hmmm. Are you taking him not wanting to shout it from the roof tops as a lack of excitement? If so please don't. I have friends who still don't know and I'm due next month. My DH didn't tell many of his friends either until we were something like 20 weeks. Some of us just aren't sharers. I feel weird telling people I'm pregnant. I don't get excited when other people are pregnant so not convinced others would be excited by me being pregnant. It also feels like a strangely personal experience to be sharing. I would also say that for him it's not as real as it is for you yet. Lots of research to show men don't get as excited as women until they meet their child - you have all the physical symptoms and responsibility of caring for this child. He doesn't yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks the two of you could start putting some lists together of what you need to get/arrange/etc. So he can get a sense of the magnitude of the situation? That might help too.

Congratulations.

All men react differently. How is he normally with communication? My OH hasn't even told his work colleagues we get married in 3 weeks. Not because he is keeping it secret but because he never tells them anything. He didn't tell people about baby unless it came up. Although by third time he was more open about chatting about it and can now respond to other colleagues news with the appropriate chat. Don't take his response personally......once it all becomes more real - you get bigger, baby moves, it's nearly due his excitement will come.

I hope so, he isn't that great at communicating anyway so maybe I am just over reaction on his under reaction.
I'll give him a chance

I wouldn't read anything negative in his muted reaction. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet. He was keen to try and now it's happened it's a lot to take in. He's probably realised your lives are going to change forever and is awestruck.

I found this with my husband, who is a terrific husband and is an amazing father. It just took him a long time to get his head around things, and he was a bit frightened and sad that our life together was going to change, even though we both desperately wanted our son!

My midwife said that women become mothers the moment they find out they're pregnant, and men become fathers the minute the baby's born. It's a gross simplification, but true in my case. He sounds like he needs a bit more time. I'm sorry he's not acting as excited as you want him to be - I know that feeling well!

Mine was a little bit like this as he didn’t want us to get ahead of ourselves and then the pregnancy fail or be ectopic. He took the approach of ‘this is a good start but let’s see how it goes’ rather than ‘omg we’ll have a baby in December!’. It felt a bit like a slap in the face but I get it, self preservation and not wanting me to get too excited when anything can happen. He very much wants the baby.

It’s early days. You’ll probably find if he’s been keen to try for a baby it just takes a bit of time to get his head around the fact it’s happening given it’s taken a while and once time progresses and things are looking good/he sees a scan I reckon he’ll be far more excited! Yet I’ve also known men be a bit nonplussed right up to birth and then be amazing dads.

My DH didn't seem excited at all when I was pregnant - I couldn't understand it as we lost a baby at 12 weeks before that - my male boss told me though that most men struggle to engage with a pregnancy after all they don't experience the hormones, emotions, body changes, symptoms, baby movements etc - it's just an "idea" to them until literally the baby is born - I'm a lot more relaxed with DH now - so don't worry/overthink his reaction too much!

My OH was a temperamental asshole right up until the first (early) scan and then he changed overnight. He still doesn’t want to tell anyone until 12 weeks - I think he’s convinced something might go wrong in the meantime.

And we were trying for years for this pregnancy. 7 months is really not a long time to get into the headspace - just give him time and space.

Everyone reacts differently to a pregnancy, I don’t think I was particularly ‘excited’ myself .... it was quite a shock and I was honestly rather ambivalent about it. I didn’t really want to tell anyone (& certainly told no one until after 12 weeks). I preferred people to find out naturally rather than making a ‘big announcement’. And to be honest, who, apart from the couple, is really that interested?

My long term boyfriend didn't want to tell anyone definitely not before we knew everything ok. He recently told me he wouldn't be completely happy or relaxed until baby is safe happy in his arms. So I told everyone I wanted and he had to tell his mum as supposed to go away with he and I had popped.

I wouldn’t take that as a sign that he isn’t excited. I’m 20 weeks now and we haven’t made an ‘announcement’, we’ve told people when we’ve seen them and no one apart from my parents were told before 15 weeks. To me it’s a private thing.
I don’t think it felt properly real to DH til he heard the heartbeat at my 16 week appointment.

My husband didn't seem that "into it" either and I recall we had a massive argument around the 16 week mark as I wanted to start researching/buying stuff and he said he didn't want to buy anything until the final month as it felt too soon. I won and he did get more into it as I got visibly pregnant but tbh I don't think he really got into it until our baby was born in March at 37+0 so it's a good job we didn't wait until the final month to buy things as per his suggestion!

If he keeps things quiet naturally then this is probs him just getting used to it and whilst you can feel things changing in your body there's probs no visibly obvious signs yet of what's inside you so will all feel surreal atm for your partner, particularly if he isn't a talker/sharer naturally.

Aww ragwort I find this so sad And to be honest, who, apart from the couple, is really that interested?

I know nobody can ever be as invested as the parents. But how sad to feel that nobody else is that interested :( we don’t have big families at all but we feel so lucky that my parents and his siblings will all be so so interested and excited and delighted, as well as our close friends who have been made up with the news and so intrigued messaging asking how it’s going and whatnot.

I mean I would say for example I’d never do a gender reveal as very few people are that fussed other than the parents whether it’s a boy or girl (plus it’s tacky imo), but the actual baby? I’m really sorry you don’t feel that the people in your life are super interested in what is a really huge deal to you. I’m interested in anything that’s a huge deal to my friends, doesn’t have to be having a child, could be anything, a new hobby or a planned trip or new job. If it matters to them I care and it matters to me.