Pregnancy after loosing a child

[yellowapple]

I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for by posting here, I suppose I just need to get some things out that I'm slightly afraid to say outloud and perhaps some advice perhaps someone has been through a similar situation. After about a year and a half of TTC I recently found out that I'm pregnant, of course I'm very happy but I can't help but think about my first child. Sadly my daughter died at the age of 4, her 13th birthday would be in just a couple weeks. I can't help but feel a little guilty, I almost feel like I'm trying to replace her which obviously isn't the case but if she were still here I'm not sure I'd have ever had a second child. At the time I was sure I wouldn't have anymore. I'm also scared to "become" a mum again, I try not to think like this but It's like I failed the first time around. I've felt so ready for a baby the past couple years but now I'm actually pregnant I just keep thinking about DD

I'm so sorry OP, I haven't experienced anything like this but I couldn't read and run. I don't think anyone will think you're replacing your daughter and you certainly didn't fail the first time round. You simply want another child and there's nothing wrong with that. I think what you're feeling is completely natural, perhaps talk about it to about it if it starts taking a toll on your mental health badly? I wish you a healthy pregnancy, you're such a strong woman.

Your DD will always be part of your life, you carry the grief and loss of her inside you forever. You didn't fail, life dealt you the cruellest blow.
And now you've been blessed with a rainbow baby.
Comparisons in pregnancy will be natural and your hormones will be heightened because of your loss.
My DGD died at 8mo, I now have 2DGC.

Have you ever had talking therapy about your dd? Even if you did it might help to do this while you are pregnant; if you mention it to the midwife they can put you in touch with someone. It’s really, really important for you to keep talking about her and cope with the guilt. Pregnancy is such a tricky time hormonally.

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel, but your DD is always your daughter no matter what.

Thank you, I did have therapy for a few years, that really helped but now a lot of these thoughts and feelings I had are back so it might help to receive something like that again. It probably is a lot to do with hormones and her birthday being soon