Not announcing pregnancy until 20 weeks

[Lolly2019]

Hi all,

Just wondering if any of you have waiting until the 20 week mark to announce your pregnancy and your reasons why.

I’ve had two miscarriages in the past but neither have gone past 12 weeks but still want to wait until 20. I’m happy to tell family sooner I’m thinking 16weeks but it’s work I want to wait to tell.

No one at work knows about my miscarriages and I don’t intend on telling them now. I just want a better excuse than I’ve had losses as ye I don’t want them to know.

So what we’re all of your reasons for waiting a bit longer ?? Xxx
Thanks xxx

I told my boss and close friends/family after my 12 week scan, then no-one else until 20 weeks. I was just super paranoid, and didn't want the attention especially at work.

I was lucky though and didn't really start to show until about 22 weeks, so it was do-able with careful clothing choices.

I didn't give an excuse, just said I didn't want to tell anyone until then in case something went wrong.

Close family knew from early on but I didn't announce to work and other friends until 20 weeks, glad I waited as my 20 week scan with DC2 picked up an issue and we had to wait 2 more weeks for another scan with a consultant, which confirmed the issue. I needed time to process the info before telling folk.

I’m lying down having snuggles with my gorgeous 3 week old, who I just couldn’t believe would arrive safely after we’d had 3 awful miscarriages over the course of 4 years. I was really reluctant to tell people, and when we did tell family at 12 weeks I didn’t feel joy, just massively down which added a whole new level of awful worry as it must have seemed I wasn’t happy. I actually cried when we went to tell my parents in law, I was that terrified of things going wrong again. After 20 weeks I felt much more secure in the pregnancy, I could feel movements which were hugely reassuring. I’m not sure how family or friends would have felt if we’d not told them for so long, but ultimately it’s not them that matters in this situation. I’d confide in someone if you can, I told a friend very early on as I had bleeding that I was convinced meant it was all over, it was the school holidays and I was going crazy trying to hold it together for the sake of my older dc. I’m very glad that she was able to support me, though it must have ended up seeming like the longest pregnancy in the world to her!

Would you not tell your manager? The reason why I ask is that you would miss out on a lot of appointment time you would be entitled to otherwise. Also, in my company, compassionate time off for miscarriages before 24 weeks is authorised per the discretion of the manager (for anything beyond 2 weeks) — they need to know you are pregnant beforehand otherwise they will request a doctors note.

It might well be obvious before 20 weeks and depending on your job, your employer may need to do risk assessments.

I suppose it depends on when you begin to show. Work people knew fairly quickly after 12 weeks this time because it was obvious (I never announced it though) day after day.
I delayed telling parents. Friends knew as and when I saw them so some 20+ weeks.
I wanted to leave as late as possible but really showed.

We never announced it. Just let people find out as and when. Told work at some time around week 15 or so I think. Can't really remember. Waited for our Harmony results at week 13 before telling my parents. Most people at work found out around week 28-30 I think. Some people still don't know and I'm 34+6.

I told my boss straight away as I was at epu for scans quite a lot for reassurance and to check on bleeding. I've had 2 losses previously. We told close family after 12 week scan and then everyone else after 20. Still doesn't feel real or 'safe' now and I'm 39 weeks!! X

Ive told people between 12&16wks this time 12wks as i was starting to show ,i lost a baby at 20wks if i could get away with it i would wait but i show fast.

I told my boss at 4 weeks, as I needed more time off than usual, and we were expecting to be doing a lot of lifting and carrying for a project. So I did thr light carrying, and he and colleague had to do the heavy lifting. I also told him I wouldn't be going up ladders anymore!

Only he knew.

Other than that, didn't announce it in anyway apart from telling our parents and my sister at 6 weeks.

You can tell your manager/HR without telling the whole office. I'd do that as once you've told them you're pregnant you're better protected for things like redundancy and they will also need to do a risk assessment, plus you'll only get the time off that you're legally entitled to if they know about it. Everyone else you can tell whenever you feel comfortable but if you don't tell your managers then you run the risk of having them question you more than they would otherwise so then you might have to tell more colleagues earlier than otherwise.

Depending on when you start showing you'll find that people might start speculating if you're not already "out" which is fine, just something to be aware of as I didn't really show at 15 weeks but by 20 it was very obvious from the side. I'm size 8 and have a BMI that's technically underweight and was literally all baby, so you had no idea I was pregnant from behind but it was very obvious from the side.

I waited until after 20 week scan to tell anyone outside the extended family.
I have had a previous loss quite a few years before but it brought it all back and I didn’t want to have to explain to anyone if I lost the baby. Another reason was I didn’t want any judgement not been with this man long, had got over miscarriage, decided babies weren’t for me, was having lots of fun and had a contraceptive failure.
Thankfully I didn’t show until about 7 months so I could have kept quiet longer. If I have another I’ll be keeping it quiet until the 20 week scan at least.

I didn’t tell anyone other than DP until after 20 week scan. 4th baby but 5th pregnancy - last one ended in mc at 12 weeks so was obviously on edge and didn’t want to talk about/answer questions/get excited until I was more confident that it was going to actually happen. Everyone understood.

I never really announced the pregnancy, work or otherwise. I did however tell family early as needed some support and told close friends from around the 12 week mark, but not work, wider friends, people at my squash club or orchestra etc.

Now 24 weeks and have told most people as see them but people are still surprised by it. Manager had suspected something was up as I was very ill in first trimester and was relieved it was pregnancy and not another illness. But I didn't really "show" until a couple of weeks ago and could still cover it up if I chose to.

My reasons for waiting was that it was a very unplanned pregnancy and I was still relatively new at work. I didn't really want to discuss it openly until I was fully used to the idea. Didn't want to deal with the questions about the timing and whether we planned it etc until husband and I had a grip on our plans and were really happy about it. Had anything gone wrong there was a limit to the number of people I wanted to know about it.

I'm 17 weeks at the moment, but my husband and I have not told anyone at all. We're going to be waiting for as long as possible to tell our families for a variety of reasons, and we are both self-employed so we have no bosses to tell. We are living with my elderly father right now, I think he has clocked that I have not been drinking, but he will not ask any questions until I actually tell him. Then he will turn into the nosiest bugger in the world!

Having had a 5th pregnancy loss last week if I'm lucky enough to ever have another healthy pregnancy I will seriously be re thinking who I tell and when - mainly because I've had such a lack of compassion from family members during this last miscarriage. I will probably only tell my boss (male!) who has been an incredible support during all my losses and I know he is rooting for us to finally have our rainbow baby x

1st pregnancy: I told HR at work at 12 weeks, but my colleagues at 20 weeks.

To friends and family - I didn't make a huge 'announcement' to everyone via text or social media. I told friends and family as I saw them. Some I saw at 12 weeks, others not until 30 weeks!

Lots of people were 'surprised' when they realised I was '20 weeks' '16 weeks' etc, but everyone was happy for me! It was the 'haven't seen you' line which was true! (I also carried VERY small, didn't looked visibly pregnant until post 30 weeks).

Women have babies every day, so I didn't make a big deal of it!

I'm on my 2nd pregnancy now (only 10 weeks) but like you it's been a struggle and have had 3 mmc so far trying for sibling. I don't want to tell anyone until I know things are well, so currently planning to keep it very, very quiet. I'm not excited at all, and I can't face OTHER people getting excited either!

Choose when you are comfortable OP!

We didn’t tell family until I was 22 weeks, I plan to tell work and friends on Tuesday when I will be 24 weeks. Tbh I think if it was possible in any way I would wait until baby was safely here to tell anyone. x