petrified about giving birth..1 week to go.....

[bumbly]

have always been so

ever since a little kid..so much so it put me off ever being pregnant..but here i am with one week to go

• and now even more scared after seeing the NCT Happy Birth Day DVD that came with recent magazine

anyone seen it??

it was awful and those are meant to be straight forward births...how can a woman be put through so much pain in this day anD age baffles me...

i don't want to go through labour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have felt a bit the same - always very scared of the idea of childbirth, but you and I are both pregnant so we must have got over some of that already.

My thing at the moment making me feel better is to think that every single person you see walking around was born one way or the other, so it does happen a lot . Plus, I think about my mother, my grandmother (who gave birth 3 weeks after the outbreak of WWII - how much more terrifying could that be?), all the generations of women before me, and women around the world giving birth in different situations - that seems to give me strength to think that I can do it too.

It is a frightening prospect, but a pretty bloody amazing one too. Our bodies have made a person! And one poxy day of pain until we meet that person isn't much to ask. Sometimes I envy my husband in that he will get the benefits of the outcome without having to actually deliver the baby, but then when I lie there and feel my baby moving round inside me and think about the bond that I already have with him/her - I wouldn't swap it for anything. Feeling a bit teary-eyed now...

StarlightMcKenzie - I'm sure you mean well () but I can't be doing with that, 'well if you think you have it bad...' attitude. Each situation is as bad as it is for that person. The death of a pet for one person might be a bit sad, for another, totally devastating, you just can't compare fears/feelings to other people. Sorry but you just can't.

Bumbly, you'll probably a bit scared until it actually happens BUT there's every chance you will surprise yourself!!

Remember this is what our bodies do, they are programmed to do this, hormones are released to give pain relief, your body moves and stretches, it knows what to do. We just have to deal with it mentally.

Totally agree with the hypnotheraphy CD if you can get one. It helped me a lot.

And like earlier posters have said, the pain builds slowly, it comes and goes, you have time for a breather inbetween, you can manage the pain in so many ways, and if it all gets too much there's epidurals.

If it was THAT bad we wouldn't do it time and time again

Good luck with it, I'll look forward to your birth announcement

i do totally see what you mean, dances... but, otoh, i have found personally at numerous times in my life that seeing the situations of others has helped me to put my own hang ups/fears/stresses into perspective and in some cases allowed me to get right over them.
so it can be a helpful thing to compare your fears etc to those of others.

just saying, like.

OP - havnt read thread, but was going to say that The Fear set in a week before birth for me too... i went into birth with intentions of keeping open mind and going the 'natural' route as far as felt comfortable...and then smartly switching to all the drugs under the sun when it got tough . funnily enough, by the time i felt the need to ask for drgs it was almost over... who knew?? was easier than i thought.

of course, i was lucky to have had no complications etc etc... but my point is; its ok and natural to have terror now, but it will probably not be anywhere near as awful as you imagine.
Trust me, im a doctor.
(im not actually, but i like the way that sounds)

You'll be alright Bumbly.

As everyone says,you don't have to suffer.
I didn't have an epidural but diamorphine was a marvellous help.Oh,and the breathing too,to my surprise.

read some Ina May Gaskin, Sheila Kitzinger, Janet Balaskas...all remind you that childbirth is a normal , physiological thing, that it is possible to cope with the pain

it is like no other pain, it has a purpose

that purpose is to bring your baby to you

fighting the pain, struggling against it, makes it worst, you need to try to open up to it, accept it and let it bring the baby to you

thanks for all your posts

been at home wallowing in my fear..which def is worse after the NCT dvd..can't get rid of image of girl crying in pain wanting an epidural and midwives saying she is doing fine!!!! what???? she isn't doing fine!!

i can't beleive i was told to watch it and that they were straightforward births

well if that is straightforward (a second timer and a fifth timer) then it will be hell with me - a petrified first timer!

just feeling rather depressed and scared

still

but thanks to all for replying and taking time to write such lovely responses

Once labour actually gets going, many women don't feel the fear anymore and kind of just get on with it. When you're in labour, you kind of get into a zone, and although it's painful, it's usually not as terrifying once you're actually doing it. Watching someone in that much pain, as an outsider, is much worse than what those women were actually experiencing. Mmmh, not sure I'm explaining myself very well! What I mean is they were in the zone, and I think it actually looks much worse than it is. Not that labour and birth isn't very very painful, but for me the fear disappeared once labour started. Btw, I became more and more scared with each subsequent baby (I've had three).

honey.. i would be happy to talk to you offline......my website is on my profile, or just CAT me....ok ?

My mum told me not to watch the videos because they would just scare me

She told me that when it actually comes to giving birth you are totally focussed on what you are doing so it is quite different to seeing it IYSWIM.

Also, like everyone else says, epidural is an option. I had one after a long labour with baby in psterior position and it was wonderful. No pain

Its not so bad and I'm a complete wuss when it comes to pain. Just make sure you do what the midwives tell you and have an epidural if it gets too painful. You cannot feel any pain when you have had it. If you get a mobile one you can still move around and don't have to have a catheter (sp?)I never did. Its a day max out of your whole life then you will have a lovely baby

Oh bumbly - TRY not to worry (yes, I know that's like telling water not to run downhill!). IME, the scariest thing about labour is we have NO IDEA really what to expect - I didn't anyhow. Casualty was my main reference point, tbh. Ignore the DVD - someone else's labour is not comparible with your own.

Fwiw, my first birth never, ever got as bad as it looks on Casualty. I'm not saying it didn't smart, but it came as a huge surprise to me that the pain really did go away between contractions. Totally. I would be gibbering lightly one minute, then having a perfectly normal chat the next.

Am a complete wimp with all things pain related (my dh says I get very bad man-flu for a woman...) -& I managed fine with gas & air and a lot of yoga breathing for my first labour (& didn't have any pain relief for my second)

Like others have said, I'm not planning any more children, andone of the sadest things about that for me is not getting to go through labour again - I'd love to. I know that sounds mad from where you're sitting, but it's true.

Good luck - & listen to lulumama - she'll help

agree with celery. once it got going i totally went into myself and was utterly focussed on the task in hand...my body and its primeval (sp) pupose and all that gumf. truly, just went with the flow and trusted my body to do its thing and it didnt let me down.

and besides, what you should be focussing on right now, is the promises you can extract for your other half at the opportune moment of you giving birth to your first offspring. trust me, theres no greater leverage. you wanna practice those demands now

man, ignore the spellings, ive been on the raspberry beer tonight.

Ahh Bumbly you can do it!
I gave birth to dd2 literally on my own on the floor,no help other than dp wailing down the phone and i am a complete wimp.
You will be fine ,honest!

Hi Bumbly. I can't lie to you - it's not pleasant. But I second what everyone has said - it is so so worth it in the end.

Based on my experience I'd offer you the following advice. If YOU think you are not coping with the pain, no matter what anyone else says, then stand up for yourself and ask for help. Don't bottle it up because you could make it worse by becoming afraid and tense. It is possible that the worst bit could be the early stages, before you are actually in established labour, because this is when you are most likely to be left to get on with it to a point. So don't be fobbed off - if you need one to one attention then make sure you ask for it.

One tip - do make sure you go to the loo regulary. I didn't and I ended up having a catheter because they thought that's what was stopping the second stage from progressing.

Your goal is to get to the second stage. The pain changes completely then and you really do know that it's for a purpose. I found the second stage much easier to handle (and I say that from the standpoint of a back to back labour so it must be true!).

The most important thing of all is that YOU feel in control and listened to, so just make sure that happens.

Hi Bumbly,

Im due to give birth for the fourth time next week and im still dreading it. But to be fair everything everyone has said on this thread is true. It is painful but it is so worth it. I told my midwife I wanted to try an epidural this time, she didnt sound keen for me to have one but if it gets to much that is what I am going to do. I had DS in 6 hours last time and was home 6 hours later which was so much better than being stuck in hospital so I can see their point. The best advice I can give you is LISTEN to what the midwife is telling you! The first time I gave birth I just got cross with everyone and sucked on the gas and air as if my life depended on it, realised 3rd time round that theywere telling me what to do for a reason and that they were helping me! I too have sat and watched women giving birth on the living channel for the past 6 months, im an idiot because it is terrifying when you watch all the wailing and screaming. EVERYONE is different and if I was you I would just throw your dvd in the bin, watch something that will make you laugh and take your mind of things, in a couple of weeks you will be so proud of yourself you will wonder what all the fuss was about. Good Luck

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Poor you - I remember that feeling well. With dd1 I went 2 weeks over and was so tired and fed up I just wanted her out.

I too was terrified. I thought I was going to die with the pain beforehand( too much Living TV )

In the end I stayed at home with my TENS until I thought I needed something stronger pain relief wise. I also kept moving and upright ( I'm sure that helped). The first bit wasn't too bad, just like bad period pain which peaks just like other people have said. You do get a break in between contractions when you feel completely normal.

There's a pretty intense bit when you're coming up to fully dilated. I had diamorphine ( fabby!) and gas and air. All I can say is that you just " go in on yourself", your body takes over and you " zone out" everything else ( although the drugs helped ) . Can't remember the pushing bit as painful - just remember making cow-like noises completely involuntarily. There's a stingy bit at the end ( I can remember thinking that if I wanted the stinging to go away I'd have to push like hell ).

Oh and I kept my eyes closed for almost the entire thing.

I think you will surprise yourself.
Good Luck!

Bumbly...I just really want to echo what everyone else has said, i too watched all the birth programmes terrifying myself half to death, and anyone who i discussed it with just said the usual "well you have no choice it has to come out now" argh!

Also when you are pg everyone feels the need to tell you their horror stories (winds me up that!) but you know what? like alot of other posts said, you just get on with it, you take each contraction at a time, and they don't just start really painful they start mild and they buid up so it is not a complete shock.

I have 2 LO's, dd (my first) was a natural delivery and ds was a c-section for reasons i won't go into now, but i tell you something i still am incredibly proud of myself for the natural delivery, there is no feeling like it on the earth as that last push and you see your baby for the first time - completely amazing! and you did all that hard work yourself.

With my dd my waters broke first and i was crying in the loo at 4am on my own as i knew that was it, it was happening, and yeah it was painful and hard work but so so worth it all...believe me.

Well, it does hurt. Tis true. But, its not like breaking your arm, or having a fuck off migraine.

Its a 'productive' pain.

Plus, when you are pushing, you dont really notice the pain. Well I didnt.

You may be one of those lucky folks who barely wince at labour pains.

Bit late for worrying about it anyway

The lack of sleep with a newborn is far more torturous in any case......

best advice I can give is not to listen to horror stories! I am sure if someone had videoed me giving birth it would have looked awful but it was an amazing experience and I was so proud of my beautiful baby and how well I coped. Remember as well that everyone's labour is different- I really agree with the post that said to make sure you have pain relief if you need it. I managed on just gas and air but I had a short labour and I always felt I would ask for more if I needed it. Taking to other women I am amazed at how different everyone's experience is. Just stay calm and listen to the midwives, and focus on your beautiful baby. Remember that anyone who has given birth- whatever pain relief they used or didn't- has acheived something wonderful.

I didn't do the hypnobirthing course but the book and CD really helped if you can get hold of them. If you can't, let me know and I will try to explain the visualisations that helped me through. Those, together with the TENS machine really helped the first stages of labour. I then had an epidural (because I was induced and they thought I might have to have an emergency c-section - which I avoided in the end) and the rest of labour was a breeze - couldn't feel a thing! DH and I slept through most of it! I let it wear off for the pushing though, which was not exactly that painful, but extrememly intense..