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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is 24 too young ?

25 replies

aldrum · 02/05/2019 18:04

I'm due to finish my masters in August. I work part time. My boyfriend lives down south and I live in Scotland. We've only bene together 5 months. I have no savings but a family that I think would help. Am I ruining my chances of a good career ? I found out in 6 weeks 2 days ago. All of these things are rushing through my head. Help

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Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2019 18:08

The timing isn't great, (there's never a "perfect" time for anything), but your life and career will be what you make of it, baby or no baby.

CobaltRose96 · 02/05/2019 18:12

I’m 22 and have a baby, so I would say no. But usually age isn’t the problem when it comes to readiness to have a baby. I would say the brevity of your relationship is a bigger issue (partner and I have been together for five years). However, that doesn’t mean it can’t work out. Many people go to uni pregnant/with a baby (me included).

No, I don’t think you’re ruining your chances of a career. If anything, you have somewhat of an advantage as your young age means you haven’t progressed far in your career path and won’t have to take time out to have a baby later on in your career.

Good luck!

Madratlady · 02/05/2019 18:18

I had my eldest at 23, he was very much wanted and planned. I’m currently 28 and having my 3rd tomorrow. So no I don’t feel it’s too young however I was married therefore lived with my dh and had him there to help with baby and already had a degree and a career when dc1 was born, I am now a stay at home mum by choice but any chance of persuing that career in future without more training to get back into it is non existent.

You need to talk to your partner, would he want to be involved? Would one of you move to live with the other? Would you be eligible for maternity pay or if not maternity allowance? Would you be able to get a job in your chosen career after time out with your baby, if you’re not already working in that field?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 02/05/2019 18:30

Are you in Scotland as your other thread says Wales?

I think its more to do with your relationship than your age. FWIW I had my eldest at 21.

MrFlibblesEyes · 02/05/2019 18:34

Do you actually want to keep the baby, you haven't really mentioned your feelings towards the pregnancy?

Yummymummycupcake · 02/05/2019 18:34

I had my first at 20 and my fourth at 29. I had only been with my partner for 3 months at the time when I found I was having my fourth. I would have had the baby regardless of the relationship, but ours' happened to be very strong and it was a good thing for us.

Original poster

aldrum · 02/05/2019 18:53

I do want to keep it. But all of these factors. Our length of relationship, age etc are making me confused

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Teddybear45 · 02/05/2019 19:05

This isn’t about your age but where you are in your life. You’re a student, no savings / job. Would you be able to get a job after the baby? Or do you think once the baby’s here you’ll be stuck at home due to childcare costs? If your family is willing to help with childcare you could spend the next year training up for interviews to start applying for jobs.

SnakesBarmitzvah · 02/05/2019 19:21

In my opionin it’s young, but there is no “too young” if it’s something you really want.

The issue doesn’t seem to be your age but your circumstances.

Only you know how you feel about it. Strangers on the internet can give you their thoughts but ultimately it’s your decision... ask yourself what’s scarier - going ahead with this pregnancy or saying goodbye to it.

hrichards · 02/05/2019 19:49

I'm 24 and pregnant with my first child, I don't think it is too young. However my circumstances are very different to your own, me and my partner have been together 8 years and have our own home as well as both working full time. I don't believe that there is ever a good time to have a baby but people usually just make it work. I think you need to think about whether you want the baby and how you feel about being pregnant because if you do want to keep it, the other things are irrelevant and I'm sure you will make it work, especially if you have a supportive family.

Justus22 · 02/05/2019 22:30

I was 23 with my first baby and my bf (22) and we had been together just 3 months when we found out. I was just finishing uni, I hadn't started my career, had no money or house but my family were amazing. My boyfriend lived an hour from me and did a long commute everyday for work so I only saw him at weekends at the time. We both lived with our parents when I found out. We split shortly after but he got stuck in to his work and after a couple of months apart told me he loved me and wanted to start over and move in together. He bought a family car and our first home and 11 years on were married with baby number 4 on the way. I'm not saying it works that way for everyone but time and distance can be overcome if its meant to be. My other friend had similar happen to her, they were pregnant within months of meeting and years on they're one of the most in love couples I've ever met. What does your boyfriend think? X

outvoid · 03/05/2019 08:24

Not at all but you’re not really in a stable position. I wouldn’t have a baby with someone I’d only known for 5 months.

Lemonsqueasy · 03/05/2019 08:37

I'd just turned 25 when I found out I was pregnant, 2 months ago. My situation doesn't seem stable on paper - my boyfriend and I are living in Italy but want to raise the child in the UK, so will have to move, find an apartment, find a car etc between finishing our jobs here and the baby arriving. I won't have maternity leave or allowance as I've been living abroad. My boyfriend was hoping to be able to continue living abroad with no responsibilities for a couple more years. All these things made me decide to get an abortion and I was very upset about it... then I discovered I was already 3 months pregnant and changed my mind instantly. We've worked things out and have a plan.

It's a really difficult situation and it's a combination of your gut feeling and what practicalities you can put in place. Good luck.

PS I have a friend who became pregnant after being with her boyfriend for less than a year, they're continuing with it despite having little financial security. It depends on your relationship.

Lemonsqueasy · 03/05/2019 08:40

Re: career, I read an article promoting the idea of having kids when you're earlier in your career so you can really focus on it when you're in your mid/late thirties and forties and your kids are more independent. I'll try to find the article.

PhoebeBear · 03/05/2019 09:12

I was 24 with my first, my and my partner had been together 6 years at the time. On the day I found out I was pregnant was the day we got our first house together! The timing was about perfect.. (sadly we lost the pregnancy)
2 years later and I'm now 26+1 with our little baby 😊
I think it's all down to how you both feel x

Contraceptionismyfriend · 03/05/2019 09:19

I was 21 with a recent relationship living in an unsuitable (for a baby, amazing for a single carefree person) flat with an unskilled job.

I'm now 27, married to the father of the first, pregnant with our third, own our own home and have a well paid job.

It's really really bloody hard work. You have to learn about each other while juggling pregnancy and then a new baby.
But if you want to CTT you need to get your head down and work on everything. Money, job, relationship.

No excuses it's not about you two anymore.

Trasheh · 03/05/2019 09:22

Well, I had my 2nd at 24 so I wouldn't say so. It's just the timing that's a little off.

You can still make it work though.

blue55 · 03/05/2019 09:29

24 is a great age to start a family...I had my first at 24. I'm now 29.

However, I had graduated uni 2.5 years before, had 2.5 years work experience in the same job and it was well paid allowing me to save. I was able to go back to work after maternity leave.
I had a long term partner (now DH) who had a well paying job and we were able to move in together and support ourselves.

So it's not the age that counts, it's the situation you're in.

SlimGin · 03/05/2019 09:57

Agree the length of your relationship is the biggest issue, and especially as you live away from each other currently. I had got pregnant with DD at 24 (I'm 26 now) and hadn't been with DP long either. It's been really really hard work. I don't regret it but I do find myself thinking ideally we should have waited until we knew each other better. Take the father out of the picture for a minute and think whether you'd have the baby without him, that's how I got my answer.

Physically it's a great age (in my experience) to have a baby, and career wise will be fine as you're young so will only be a couple of years (depending on how long you want to stay home with baby) behind your peers.

challengeyourreality · 03/05/2019 10:15

I was pregnant at 24 with my first child and almost finished my second degree - submitted my project a day before she was born.
Career wise I've had to make many concessions as the industry I am trained in does not lend itself particularly well to people with young families and I found the hours too stressful and unthankful - lots of unpaid overtime and unhealthy competition between colleagues.
Saying that, your career is what you make it and, in my experience, when your baby is 1,5/2 - out of nappies and breastfeeding has slowed down, you have your body 'back' - you will feel inspired to get back to work and feel more comfortable leaving baby with a trusted caregiver and can really focus on growing in your profession.
Everything is possible if you stay true to what you want and work hard for it.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 03/05/2019 10:32

I was 25 when I fell pregnant, terrified at first and thought about have a termination. So glad I didn't as my baby turned out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. My friend who did have a termination a while before, has regretted it ever since. Don't make any rash decisions and don't make a decision you think you will regret

Yummymummycupcake · 03/05/2019 10:58

You've said you want to keep it and that's the main thing. You can make it work. The child will be your priority and it may be a struggle and you'll have to make sacrifices, but everything will work out in the end.

ANiceLuxury · 03/05/2019 11:27

I had my first at 25. Looking back i was too young. I had only been with dh for 6 months when i became pregnant (planned pregnancy). I have two children now.

I do wish i had a decent career before having children. However now im nearly 32 i only ovulate every 3-4 months so maybe it was best having children when i did as i may well struggle now

Mumoftwox · 03/05/2019 20:24

I had my first at 19, now currently pregnant with 3rd at 25, me and my partner have been together 8 years now but when I fell pregnant we were together for 2. I have since been studying and am now going into my 3rd year at university and will have a 4 month old!. I feel having my babies has gave me the motivation to do well in life. 24 is a nice age

Original poster

aldrum · 30/05/2019 01:06

Unfortunately we lost the pregnancy this week. It's heart breaking but just wasn't the right time. We're doing our best to move forward together, get to where we want to be in life and work hard to provide the best possible circumstances for our future family! Thanks to all for your posts

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