Total lack in faith - MWs

[TwittleBee]

With DS I was messed about with them, e.g. given my MatB1 form late, given no support with my SPD, unconsented sweep forced on me, cut me on the inside during labour when trying to break my already broken waters, messed up DS' jaundice care, we were left with no support for a few days when I first got home with DS.

Now this time round i nearly missed out on my 16 week app and only got one because I kept chasing, had no support or advice regarding bleeding despite history of MC, no support regarding previous birth or previous PND and now they've said they won't give me a MatB1 form till my 28 week app because they "don't give them till past 25 weeks anyway!"

I need this form before 25 weeks to be eligible for maternity allowance and for DH to get paternity leave!

Just don't trust these people to be able to provide for me and this baby at all now. Feel so low about it and crying in despair.

I know it's likely pregnancy hormones making this all seem so much worse but I don't know what to do!

Can't pay to go private unfortunately

Your dh doesn't need the mat b1 for paternity leave. There is a form he needs to fill in from his employer. Will you get maternity allowance or statutory maternity pay? You don't need the MatB1 by week 25 either. For maternity pay it is required Within 21 days of yourSMPstart date.

You can give notice of the pregnancy, when you want to start leave, etc at 25 weeks and then give in the MatB1 later on when you receive it

Could you ask if you could collect the form from the hospital before your apt?

I got my matb1 form at 28 weeks. I just told hr when I was intending to start leave and then emailed over the form once I got it. No biggie.

If you're not happy with your care then speak to PALS. It may be that you have antenatal care with another midwifery team, can offer extra support as it sounds like you're struggling with your mental health? The Mat B1 thing can wait, it's not inperitave you get it before 28 weeks. Just let HR know you won't get it before that appt.

Not entitled to SMP as was made redundant at 12 weeks pregnant and so had to find a new job but will be entitled to Maternity Allowance.

Has anyone got a link to where it says DH doesn't need the form? His employer refused him paternity last time because he handed it in too late according to them!

I'm not sure if they have another team but I'll ask though, just very aware that my current one is apparently the head MW (can't remember the exact title she gave herself but sounded important). I know my friend has had same MWs as me and has been messed about with them too.

www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/how-to-claim says
Claim Paternity Leave and Pay through your employer. You do not need to give proof of the pregnancy or birth

Paternity Pay

At least 15 weeks before the baby is due, give your employerform SC3(or their own version).

He needs top inform them by week 25 but that doesn't mean they need the may b1. You only get 1 copy anyway and you'll need that

Yeah they said they needed to see the form to confirm that I was pregnant and so he could have paternity?

As everyone above has said, no need for you to have matb1 form before 28 weeks. I wasn't given mine until then, and handed it into work at 30 weeks actually. No issues at all, as you only have to inform them you are pregnant and want to take leave by 25 weeks, but you don't need the form until later.

As for your DH, he is not required to give them the matb1 form at all but the SC3 form as mentioned above. Most don't even ask for this until later either, they just need to be notified he would like to take it by 25 weeks that's all.

It sounds like your DH's work are the ones messing about, not the midwives. Unfortunately, you can't get your matb1 form before 25 weeks and that's just the way it is.

Also, with regards to 16 week appointment... this is usually only offered to first time mums, and some areas (including where I am) don't even offer it to anyone. I didn't have any appointments after 12 week scan, until 20 week scan, then 25 week midwife appointment. And I have to call up and make sure I book appointments on time, they won't come looking for me.

Okay so forms aside (I will need to get DH to write them that form then and print out that they don't need my form),

The appointments are still confusing. I was told 8 weeks, 16 weeks and 28 weeks are when I will need to see a MW by the MW service (we don't see them at scans here). So that's why I chased for the 16 weeks one, they could have just said I was wrong regarding needing to see them though rather than coming to see me? Surely 12 weeks to 28 weeks would be a long wait otherwise?

Thankfully everything regarding the on going bleeding is fine but knowing all is okay isn't anything to do with my MWs but rather a private scan confirming all is okay.

Plus I feel totally left in the dark regarding my mental health and fear of my next labour.

I know they're busy and there are more important women and babies out there but I am so scared that they are going to fail in our care, especially after my last horrible labour and total lack of support.

I didn't see a midwife at my 20 week scan actually, so I went from 12 to 25 weeks without seeing a midwife. Then I get more regular appointments from there on until the birth. But if you were told you would be having a 16 week appointment then you should get one yes. In my area though, the midwives don't book these automatically for us. I have to call up (chase them up) and book it myself, otherwise I get no appointment. So really it's my responsibility to book these, not the midwives.

Regarding mental health, you should definitely speak to midwife about this and ask for help. They should be able to help you out with this, and get you to maybe speak to a counselor or someone. Sounds like a few mistakes were made in your last labour yes, and that's a shame really.

There's no such thing as more important women and babies out there! We are all equally important, some just require more care than others, but all important just the same!

I did try and book it and sort the 16 week app many times but no one phoned me back.

And I have told them about my MH but there's nothing they can offer.

I think if previous Labour hadn't been bad and DS wasn't born early and I hadn't had multiple MCs I probably wouldn't be in such a flap. And perhaps that's why they aren't worried about me, they can see I'm just worrying for no reason.

Fwiw I don’t know how many weeks you are but they can’t do the form until you are 20 weeks.

I'm almost 21 weeks.

I saw my midwife at 8 weeks for my booking appointment. She was very clear that I needed to make an appointment to see her again at 16weeks, and she suggested booking the appointment in advance after if had my 12 week scan. She said they would need to discuss the blood results and scan results with me at 16 weeks. This is my second pregnancy and it was the same with my first. I guess different trusts have different policies. Do keep chasing the midwife team to discuss your concerns re: mental health issues. They are busy, but they are also there to give you the care and support that you need, treating each patient as an individual. I’m sorry you feel so let down. PALS is a good place to raise concerns. I know that’s not an easy thing to do when you feel vulnerable. X

You don't get as many MW appointments with your second pregnancy. Check the schedule in the front of your notes. If it says which ones are for first pregnancies only. Perhaps this could be the issue with your 16 week one?

Here is the NHS schedule: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/antenatal-appointment-schedule/

In my notes for DS2 it says I had PTSD after birth of DS1 so a HV came to do a home visit to check all was okay MH wise. Perhaps contact the HV for a chat?

You can also get a MatB1 from your GP. I did that both times as it was easier to see them.