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Original poster

DNA Test via Child Maintenance

23 replies

kamikazeshady · 01/05/2019 19:25

Hello 👋🏻

Has anyone ever gone through Child Maintenance Service for DNA testing?

It's still early days for me in my pregnancy, but as it stands the father is refusing to do a DNA test when the baby is born and has told his family he used protection and I'm lying.

I know full well the baby is his. But if he's planning on doing a runner then I'd like to make it known that he is the father, whether he wants to be around or not.

Just wondering at the success rate of them finding the person and enforcing DNA tests? I'm assuming it's not an easy process...

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
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Comps83 · 01/05/2019 19:46

What an arsehole
I hope you’re getting plenty of support elsewhere

PottyPotterer · 01/05/2019 19:54

Just go to CMS and name him as the father, give them as many details as possible. Preferably d.o.b and address. If he disputes paternity it's then upto him to prove he isn't the father by agreeing to dna testing. If he refuses he will be assumed to be the father and maintenance will be pursued . All you have to do is start a claim when the baby is born. It'll cost you £20.

Hairwizard · 01/05/2019 19:58

What @potty said.

Cms covers the cost of the test and it must go through them as they only use one particular agency for it.
If hes the father he will then have to pay up for the test, they will collect that along with payments.
Good luck.

AnotherEmma · 01/05/2019 20:00

"Cms covers the cost of the test"
No, the father disputing paternity has to pay for the test, and he is only reimbursed if he's not the father (1 in 5).

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 01/05/2019 20:48

Thanks for the info.

It is a shame it's coming to this. His family have obviously bought into his lies. I now look like a psycho 🙄 it's not even about him having to pay me any money. I just want to prove everyone wrong.

I am still kind of in contact with him every now and then, but it's always full of bullshit and him telling me he won't be around and I need to "do what's best for the child"

So just thinking about cutting him off and then he can have a surprise in how ever many months when the papers turn up on his doorstep!

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 01/05/2019 21:18

Try to let go of your "need" to prove everyone wrong and control what they think of you. You know he's the father and he can continue to deny it if he wants but he won't be able to get out of paying child maintenance. Try to detach and tell yourself that you had a lucky escape from him and his family.

Just cut all contact with him. You can inform him after the baby is born. Then you can go through CMO/CSA to get the child maintenance sorted.

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 01/05/2019 21:20

Yeah you're right, I did think that. Part of me wasn't surprised either.

I'll definitely be leaving contact for now, nothing good or productive is coming from it whatsoever. Unless he has a brain transplant and starts doing the right thing 😂

OP posts:
dexter6000 · 02/05/2019 17:13

I am looking for advice. I split with the father of my dd when she was just 18 months old. She is now 20 years old.
He played a part in her life until she was 18 and generally was ok with child maintenance. However he fell into arrears and stopped contacting our dd. No present or card for her 18th birthday even. As payment was through cms I contacted them to chase him for the arrears as dd was starting uni and was owed over £3000. He suddenly contested parenthood! Despite paying for 16 years.
He insisted on a DNA test and myself and dd went for hers but then he kept stalling about attending his and in the end refused to go and just paid the arrears.
My heart broke watching my dd with tears rolling down her beautiful face driving to that surgery for a dna test. I was between a rock and a hard place not knowing if I should have maybe not told her and written the arrears off to save her emotions. But she was banking on the money to start her off at university and I simply didn't have cash to replace it with.
Dd had mental health issues which at times caused her to self harm and her father knew all this. Why he cut himself off from her is a total mystery. Especially as he was very aware of her suicide attempts.
She is doing great now 2 years on. Doing well at uni and has truly blossomed. At Easter break however she admitted that she had missed lectures at the time of the dna test and had been really screwed up by it. She says there is no going back now after what he did.
I so want to let him know how brilliantly she is doing! She is at a Russell group uni, has beaten her binge eating and is now very sporty and just glows! She is a volunteer English teacher for refugee children and is simply wonderful.
I want him to know what he threw away! What are you Mumsnet watchers views?

This is my first post. I really hope I don't get the trolls telling me I shouldn't have taken her for the dna test. Believe me that was not an easy decision.
Background to her father is... a narcissistic controlling nasty piece of work who made my time with him an emotional rollercoaster and started turning that way with dd when she became a teenager. Not a nice man.

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 02/05/2019 17:41

Sounds like she's better off without him if he's a narcissist

OP posts:
lovinglifexo · 02/05/2019 17:48

he can definitely avoiding paying CM if he wishes so— moving house so you can’t give details etc

why not just leave it be ? He might later want contract which may not be best based on his behaviour

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 02/05/2019 17:50

@lovinglifexo is this to my OP or the other person?

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 02/05/2019 17:52

I think that was to you, OP, and I completely disagree, FWIW!

BelulahBlanca · 02/05/2019 17:56

My Ex had moved house but CSA still found him. He needs to pay his part even if he’s not in baby’s life.

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 02/05/2019 17:57

It's not even about the money... my train of thought was getting a DNA done via CMS so he has no choice but to do it.

OP posts:
BelulahBlanca · 02/05/2019 17:59

@Kam You seem adamant it’s not about the money, is there a reason you don’t want to accept the money?

AnotherEmma · 02/05/2019 18:02

Your child is entitled to that money, even if you can afford not to use it, you could put it into a savings account for them.

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 02/05/2019 18:03

To be honest with you, I don't actually know. I guess I don't want him to make the assumption that I'm somehow dependent on him. It's more out of principle that this child is his, and when this child grows up and wants to know who her dad is, I can say here's the test despite what he may say.

OP posts:
Original poster
kamikazeshady · 02/05/2019 18:04

@AnotherEmma that's a really good idea, I'll definitely do that.

OP posts:
BelulahBlanca · 02/05/2019 18:07

I totally understand that OP. My ex didn’t pay last week and though I didn’t need the money, I didn’t want him not to pay but then I felt bad that CSA contacted him so as far as he knew I was lost without the money.

However I still think that that money is my daughters and he shouldn’t get away with not paying.

Original poster
kamikazeshady · 02/05/2019 18:12

Yeah definitely changed my way of thinking. At least if I put it to one side I can have something to give them in the future.

OP posts:
Jaffacakebeast · 02/05/2019 18:15

My ex told the then csa, he wasn’t my ds dad. They didn’t force a DNA as such, but told him if he didn’t do 1 he would be liable for maintenance. It was for him to prove he wasn’t. Csa paid for then test. When the result came back and he was the dad he had to pay Csa back for the test

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