Mental health deteriorating

[riaadrianna]

Hey guys,
I'm 10 weeks pregnant and starting to really struggle.
All I ever wanted was a happy family, and a baby with my husband.
I'm on 150mg of sertraline at the moment, and before I found out I am pregnant I was also taking 5mg of Aripiprazole and propananol only when needed - but I have stopped those two as they can be harmful for the baby. I have never been diagnosed properly, just treated for the 'here and now' depressive and anxiety symptoms. I self harmed quite badly before, but since I have been on medication that has been under control, until recently when I am feeling so frustrated again but the thought of my baby wouldn't allow me to do anything stupid.

I'm starting to feel low again, like I have prior to being put on medication, everyday I'm feeling depressed and anxious, even though I am so so happy I'm pregnant please know this. I don't have any delusional thoughts, or thoughts of harming my baby.
But don't feel like I can talk to anyone, because although my midwife did say that she will try to get a diagnosis (due to previous problems, I have not spoken to her about now) I don't feel like I can talk to them, because the first thing you hear is that you're a high risk and that this and that person is getting involved to check whether you are capable of looking after a child and that's quite stressful and upsetting in itself. And I can't really talk to my husband because recently we just tend to end up in an argument over any subject we try to talk about (usually because of my temper atm).

I'm thinking maybe its just the hormones, and it will pass, and it's not my actual mental health playing up... and that I'm just panicing because of my previous problems... and once my hormones settle I'll be okay again. I don't know... I just really want this to pass so I can go back to being my usual bubbly active self.

Is there anyone else here with mh problems who would like to share their experience of early pregnancy ? Looking at my friends around me who are pregnant I feel like I'm alone in this....

Thanks guys.
All the best x

I’ve experienced symptoms of anxiety and OCD in the past (mild in my case) but I’ve never properly discussed them with a doctor. I’ve had a lot going on during my pregnancy (losing my job, a bereavement) and I confided in my midwife last week who set up an appointment to chat to my doctor about treatment options. Perinatal depression is more common than you would think and it doesn’t automatically mark you out as someone who can’t take care of a child, quite the opposite - getting treatment is the responsible thing to do. Can you set up an appointment with your GP to see what they say?

Hiya,

I've been given sertraline by the doctors, although haven't taken it yet. I'm trying to curb the anxiety by other means as I hate taking medication. I'm on anti-sickness tablets at the moment and I don't like taking them but would rather that than nothing at the moment.
I was feeling incredibly low from about 5-10 weeks. It's only in the last week where I'm beginning to feel more myself now and starting to try and get things back on track. (12 weeks on Friday).
In the early stages of my anxiety I used to tell my husband everything. I then got better and when it started up again, I didn't like talking to anyone about it. I've opened up to my husband again and it's so much better having the support.
He knows that if I get angry it's more the hormones so doesn't bite back. Perhaps try and have a convo with your partner when you feel in a calm mood and explain this. It will be better to have the support. Trust me.

I really think that the best advice is talking to your midwife and seeking support from the perinatal mental health team - they've been great in my experience. I have various diagnoses and am on sertraline too (have been since before pregnancy). I'm also under the care of a private psychiatrist. As a result, my pregnancy is considered higher risk (partly because I have a history of eating disorders) but all that means is I get a specialist midwife and have seen a consultant. The level of care has been excellent and the whole team has been so supportive both of my birth choices (they have agreed to an elective caesarean on mental health grounds) and in terms of proactively planning for the period after birth due to the risk of PND. Nobody has for a single minute suggested that there is any question about my capacity to look after a child or that there are any safeguarding concerns (I am also a self-garner).

I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive but there is help out there and absolutely nobody will judge you for accessing it - if anything being proactive and responsible about your mental health is seen as a really really positive thing.

Thank you so much for responding.
LKH27 as sorry as I am to hear that you've experienced lows and anxiety, this post has really helped me.
I might just wait until my scan in the second week of May, and see how I feel, if I don't go back to feeling myself I will think what to do next...

I have just spoken to a work collegue who is absolutely shocked that I have been put as high risk, and that the 'safeguarding team' is involved considering she had the same issues i.e. self harm, suicide attempts, and long history of medication - from what she has told me her situation sounded more 'serious' than mine, and all she got was extra support and no 'punishment' / or 'labels' seeking for help...

So now I'm even more confused.

The fear of having social services on my back, or anyone questioning my ability to look after my so loved child is overwhelming.
But maybe it was just the midwife that made it sound more horrible than it is... Or maybe I just exaggerated it...

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 13th of May, who don't yet know I'm pregnant (not from me at least)
And a scan on the 16th of May and hopefully somewhere in between I will find out who my regural midwife will be, and try to grow some trust in her to talk openly about how I feel

I have been referred for mental health and seeing someone in 2 weeks time. I'm not sure what they are going to say or do, but talking to people has definitely been more beneficial than I thought. Tell them how much you love your child and what you have said on here. They are going to want to help you. As much as other people have said, seeking help is the way forward.
I'm sorry it is coming across for you in a negative way and that safeguarding issues are there. It obviously isn't nice to go through, but well done for speaking out and even coming on here and asking for support.

Thank you again, and if possible could you let me know the outcome of your meeting?
Would be good to compare experiences

Good luck to
Us Nutcases ;) haha

Before becoming pregnant I was taking anti depressants to help with depression and anxiety, I stopped taking these when I found out I was pregnant but really struggled at first with low moods and feeling anxious- it was awful and I found it really hard to cope! These problems eventually ceased and I have been able to enjoy most of my pregnancy, however now that I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy and due to some possible paternity issues they have come back much worse. However I'm aware that this is probably due to issues I have caused myself which have affected my mental health.

I have found speaking to my midwife really helpful, they have referred me for counselling for the last few weeks of my pregnancy so I'm hoping that talking about how I'm feeling will help. There is also an advice line on the Tommy's website which is open Monday-Friday which you may find useful, also the Mind website has lots of helpful numbers and websites.

I really hope you get sorted and start feeling better soon, it's horrible when one of the happiest times if your life seems the worst :( good luck with everything xxxx

I've had to stop my antidepressants too that I have been on for 26 years. Been nearly 3 weeks without them now and my mental health is becoming worse. I have a strong urge to hurt myself and I'm also struggling with constant nausea and upset stomach, not sure if this is pregnancy related, withdrawal or both. I have depression, anxiety, social anxiety, borderline personality disorder, body dysmorphophobia and post natal PTSD from the birth of my son in 2002 in which we both nearly died.
I feel like I'm broken beyond repair, like a written off car that's only fit for the scrap yard, I feel like I should have never been born and everyone will be better off without me, I'm ugly, fat, useless and good for nothing.
My DP is finding it hard to cope with my bad days and doesn't understand why I can't just snap out of it and be happy.
Sorry to hijack thread

*body dysmorphia

Have you spoken to your midwife about how you're feeling? There's lots of support for pregnancy and mental health (as I've recently found out) I've been referred for counselling which they were able to do within a week. You don't have to suffer alone and talking can sometimes really help! I've also found MIND's website really useful and there's lots of information about support on there. Hope you get things sorted and start to feel a better. But remember growing a human is hard and you are doing an amazing job xxxx

I have my first midwife appointment on Wednesday. Seen the Dr, she referred me to the perinatal mental health team. Saw a psychiatric nurse on Thursday, waiting for my next appointment. Thank you xxxx