30 weeks pregnant and struggling to bond with baby

[Gemilu]

I seriously need some help about of a back story
I've had 4 late losses because of subchronic haematomas (15 weeks 16 weeks 23 weeks and 24weeks)
Me and my partner weren't trying to get pregnant so this pregnancy was a complete and utter shock especially when finding out about far gone i was when i found out (25 weeks) was still having monthly and had no symptoms what so ever
Im now 30weeks and i feel so alone, my other half isn't keen on the idea that I'm pregnant and i just can't bond with the baby no matter how hard i try, i should be over the moon about it, i should be happy at the fact that I've gone this far with no complications, but im not, im resenting the fact that im pregnant and I feel so alone it is unreal this should be a happy time for me but it's not and I hate myself for it everyone else is really happy for me but I'm not

Bless you, don't be so hard on yourself you have clearly been through a lot. Perhaps you feel this way because of what has happened previously and subconsciously you feel it could happen again. Can guarantee when you are holding that baby you feel completely different and will love it more than you can imagine. Good luck with everything x

I just can't help but hate myself for feeling this way

Don’t hate yourself! I agree that, subconsciously, you don’t want to become attached to protect yourself from the hurt & upset, which is completely understandable, your partner is probably having similar feelings. That being said the way you’re feeling is obviously upsetting you, speak to your midwife/gp/ consultant & asked to be referred to your local perinatal mental health team, they’ll help you through your thoughts & feelings & can help put measures in place to help you during delivery & postnatally (if you think it might help).

Youre subconsciously protecting yourself against another heartbreak. You have been through SO SO MUCH that your brain is trying to defend itself against more loss. Its very clever in a way, but obviously not what you're wanting to feel. You haven't had much time to get used to the idea and I'm sure as you get further along your subconscious will allow you to relax and for you to grow feelings towards your baby.

Even if it doesn't come right away, even when the baby is born, there's help available for you. You have been through things no woman should have to go through so please be kind to yourself, don't put added pressure on yourself.

OP, I’m sorry for your losses, but no one ‘bonds’ with their baby before it’s born. That’s just baby book sentimental shite that likes to construct pregnant women as earth mothers playing Mozart to their bumps. I spent my pregnancy commuting between countries till 36 weeks, trying to finish a big project, and generally very busy — I don’t think I gave my unborn baby more than the occasional thought until I was almost due, and I don’t think I bonded with him in any meaningful way for months after he was born.

Stop putting pressure on yourself. You’re not ‘supposed’ to feel anything. No one in your circumstances would be ‘over the moon’.

The only thing that worries me in your post is the unsupportive partner. What’s going on there?

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. The baby isn't even here yet, it's just an abstract idea with a side of feeling wretched. Pregnancy is honestly a nightmare, the physical side of it plus the fear of losses as you describe - I'm not sure anyone could feel happy during it.

I have 3 children, very much planned and wanted, and I never bonded with any of them until they were born. I never made the leap from pregnant to baby. I knew it in theory but nothing more than that.

Your protecting yourself by not getting attached. Don't worry about it really, and when the little one arrives you can enjoy it because they are actually here :)