How do you manage not to worry constantly?

[Tizzytilda]

(just for a warning, I'm going to mention miscarriages)

Hi everyone, I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I had my 12 week scan on Friday just gone and baby was asleep throughout but the technician saw a strong heart beat.

I thought my 12 week scan would be a point where I would stop worrying but I'm just not. I'm worried that the baby was dying and that's why it didn't move. And I'm anxious now that I've told everyone, when I go for my 20 week scan they'll tell me the baby died inside me.

I don't know how to stop myself worrying every time I get a twinge or a bit of a pain. I've got some mild cramps around my lower back which tbh are just probably chronic constipation but now I'm sat here wondering if this is the beginning. Every time I go to the toilet I'm always scared I'll see blood.

I'm so tired of worrying and I just want to enjoy this pregnancy. I daren't even talk about it with my partner because he thinks I'm too anxious about it. I had some spotting in early pregnancy and ended up so sad and depressed and had scans at the EPAU and it really effected him seeing me so upset so now I try and be chipper.

I can't help but imagine what might happen if I lose this baby, having to tell everyone and return the clothes I've bought and go back to life as if I was t carrying a life.

Sorry, I guess I just needed to rant. Any advice or positive stories from sleeping babies @ scans would be appreciated. Thanks x

I think it's ok to worry and be concerned, I'm 29 weeks and still check for blood EVERY time I go to the loo! I've only just started to relax about the whole thing, but it's hard, and I'm scared of getting to attached incase something goes wrong. But I have a pregnancy diary and write everything in that and I find it helps :)

I never stopped worrying. Only once she was here, did I relax.

What helped me was realising that I can't do anything about it and worrying will not help but will just stress me out.
Plus, the risk of anything going wrong after the 12 week scan is only something like 2 per cent, so it doesn't make much sense to worry too much.
(we only saw one leg on the 12 week scan so that was a bit of a concern, but I put it to the back of my mind and there turned out to be 2 legs at the next scan)

Hi OP. I know exactly how you feel. I'm 30 weeks and currently worrying about reduced movement today, even though I always have reduced movement on a Sunday, a day I'm generally quite active.

I also found between my first and second scans, that I didn't really like to talk about the pregnancy or the future and I hated family etc being too excited, because I was so convinced it was going to go wrong. That did fade, as I began to show more and felt my first kicks. Feeling movement definitely helped me grow in confidence that the pregnancy was real, happening and that we were going to have a baby. Even if movement is also something I overanalyse and worry over - if that makes sense 

I suppose my point is that if you are like me, you'll worry all the way through, but that doesn't mean you won't learn to enjoy pregnancy. You'll find your stride. At the end of the day, nothing is certain until your baby is in your arms - and then you'll have a whole new host of worries. Ha ha. But as you get further along excitement will outweigh worry.

No advice on how to stop the worry I'm a few days away from my 20 week scan and constantly worrying something has gone wrong don't think it will stop till she's finally hear. Just trying to keep positive as positive as possible and enjoy this pregnacy the best I can 😊 good luck x

I think what eightoclock said really. Worrying about it won’t change the outcome at all. So I’ve just tried to have a “what will be, will be” mindset throughout (sometimes it’s hard!) and I think I’ve been fairly relaxed so far (21 weeks).

I feel exactly the same. It’s like a black cloud hanging over me. 20 week scan next week and I’m worried something’s wrong due to no movements yet and lack of bump. But literally nothing you can do! Having a mmc last time has ruined pregnancy for me 😢 x

@Babycakes1989 please don't worry about no movement. I didn't feel anything until nearly 23 weeks as my placenta is anterior, which is very common. Also some people don't show till neared 3rd trimester - it's very normal.

If budget permits, you could go for a private scan or two? You might catch it when it's awake and put your mind at ease! I've just had my twenty week scan and all was fine, but that's it now on the NHS and I worry something could go wrong between now and the birth, so will definitely have a private scan at around 35 ish weeks just to put my mind at rest!

I’m 16 weeks now & still constantly worrying. Every time I go to the toilet I check for blood & every little twinge or pain in my stomach I think something bad has happened. I also thought I would be fine after my 12 week scan & I am better but now I am so anxious that when I go for my 20 week scan something is going to be wrong. I had 2 losses last year & just don’t know how I would cope if something bad was to happen again, but I also really want to try & enjoy pregnancy but I’m finding it hard.

Thank you Rmarieclaire! That’s made me feel better 😘 I’m my own worst enemy as I compare myself to other people and their pregnancies when reality is I know everyone’s different! I am so excited to feel proper movements xx

@Lisalou88 so sorry to hear about your losses. Were these before 12 weeks?

I think the period between the two scans is incredibly hard. The morning sickness gradually goes, but you're not properly showing and may not be feeling any movement at all. I just didn't feel pregnant at all, which is why I found it hard to truly believe we were having a baby. Now I'm 30 and I'm huuuuge, but it's still in the back of my mind that something could go wrong in the final weeks or in labour. I'm just trying to read as much as I can and relax as much as possible.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you NEVER stop worrying! Mine are 19 and nearly 16.....

Oh my goodness I could have written this! I've spent weeks now convinced that something is wrong, that the baby has died, that I'm imagining the flutters I'm feeling. I even sat up at night googling to find out how you'd know if your baby had died. I spoke to my midwife and she's referred me for counselling just so there's a place I can get it all out of my head, my OH is of a 'why would anything be wrong?!' mindset which is great for him but doesn't help me much because I can't explain why I feel like there's something wrong! We have our 20 week scan this week so I don't feel I could justify another private scan and the wait is killing me! I just want to see him and know he's ok, I also can't wait to feel proper movements and although I know I'll probably worry about that too, at least I'll know he's there!

Obviously none of that was any help but apparently these fears and anxieties are very common and I was told the same as other posters have mentioned- what will be will be and worrying won't do anything except rob you of the positives of your current situation.