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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Disappointment over gender reveal

38 replies

Carter7654 · 28/04/2019 10:49

I feel bad for writing this but have been feeling a bit down since my gender reveal yesterday after finding out we have another boy on the way. We have an older son and my husband has two older boys from a previous marriage who stay with us half The week. Given that we now have four children to support, it’s not really practical that we have anymore which is why I think i feel more upset about it. What made it worse is my husband knew the week and a half from our scan leading up to the reveal and in my opinion steered me in to thinking it was a girl so i conVincent myself in to thinking it was. Part of me felt that I shouldn’t get my hopes up but then I also felt my hubby knew I was hoping for a girl and wouldn’t set me up for a disappointment like that. What was worse it that I then told a bunch of people I thought it was a girl and how excited i was so then I felt a bit stupid when it emerged that it wasn’t.

I know this isn’t a catastrophe and I will love my baby but I feel a bit upset with my hubby and myself for putting me in this situation. I have spoken to my husband and he acknowledged how I feel but said he didn’t realise it was such a big deal to me and just wanted it to be a surprise but that’s just made me feel a bit let down that he doesn’t understand me better

OP posts:

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Melroses · 28/04/2019 15:45

It's a baby

Buddytheelf85 · 28/04/2019 16:00

It’s not unusual to feel disappointed about the baby’s sex, lots of people do. But I think it is unreasonable to try and put any of the blame for your feelings on your husband. You presumably knew you would be disappointed if it was a girl, and you must have realised from the fact that your husband has already fathered 3 boys that the possibility of another boy wasn’t exactly remote. So it really wasn’t very sensible to organise a gender reveal party - especially one where you didn’t know the sex and your husband did.

Buddytheelf85 · 28/04/2019 16:02

Sorry - knew you would be disappointed if it WASN’T a girl.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2019 16:05

One day one of these threads it will be disappointment about a girl . Why is it only boys ?

There are somewhere around 100 million 'missing' women around the world because of by sex-selective abortions, female infanticide, and inadequate healthcare and nutrition for female children. So no, it's not only boys.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 28/04/2019 17:40

Excellent post MrsTerryPratchett.

Never experienced gender disappointment myself, but I can understand it.

I don’t understand why other posters take it so personally when the OP is disappointed in the sex of their baby. It’s not a reflection on the love that any other mother has for their son and I’ve never seen an OP say that girls are “better” than boys. She obviously feels bad about the way she’s feeling, she doesn’t need a guilt trip from anyone else.

thecatsarecrazy · 28/04/2019 17:40

It's natural to feel that way op. I have 3 sons and I love them all so much but there will always be a part of me that will feel sad about not having a daughter. I didn't find out the gender for any because i knew if they said boy i would be disappointed. I hate myself for it but get so jealous when people have a girl. My bil and gf had an unplanned pregnancy and had twin girls it felt so unfair. I can't have anymore because dh has had the snip.

Tattletale · 28/04/2019 17:59

I have 2 DD's. When I told my mum that I was expecting a second DD, she paused and said 'never mind'. I've never forgotten that and it still makes me cross when i think about it. I was actually asked by a midwife after I had just given birth (!) if DH and I would have another baby to try for a boy. I dont feel I've 'missed out' not having sons and you are not missing out by not having a daughter. Both my girls are completely unfeminine, live in jeans and tracksuit bottoms, love gaming and actively reject 'girly' stuff. If you had had a girl there is no guarantee she would have conformed to your expectations and no should any child. Hopefully you can get over your feelings before the birth.

Constance1234 · 28/04/2019 18:08

Fate has decided that you are to be a mother of boys, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about that apart from joyfully embrace it. Don’t waste your life pining for something that was never on the cards for you. Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

Rtmhwales · 28/04/2019 19:52

I desperately wanted my first (and possibly only) to be a boy. Everyone though it would be a girl and the ultrasound technician even passed me a box of tissues before we began in case I didn't get my boy. I did. But just to say not everyone wants a girl like they mentioned earlier.

TheVanguardSix · 29/04/2019 17:36

I knew before I opened the thread this would be about a boy baby, these threads always are.

So true. I did as well.
I have two boys and a girl and I really feel sucker-punched by people who say "Well, you got your girl!" with so much glee. I love my daughter for who she is, not her gender. It's like saying girls are 'more than' boys.
The same parents are the ones who come back with teen advice to tell you that all girls are horrible, stroppy mares in their teens. It's all so cliche and sad.

OP I am NOT diminishing your feelings and I do understand your sense of disappointment. I experienced this in my first pregnancy. But that was 18 years ago. I didn't feel like this at all in my subsequent pregnancies. I was just so happy they came into the world, healthy, ten fingers, ten toes, all of that.

Anyway, haven't read the whole thread but I hope you're finding peace with your news.

coral13 · 29/04/2019 18:23

I had this but the other way round. When I was first pregnant I didn't mind whether it was a boy or girl. For some reason I was convinced it was a boy so when I was told it was a girl I was so surprised. I had a cry in the toilets straight away afterwards. It wasn't that I didn't want a girl but that something in my was so convinced that it was a boy that I couldn't help picture it that way so it felt so weird when I was wrong. Honestly though, it took a few days to get used to the idea but I'm now really excited.

Bere111 · 29/04/2019 23:41

Every gender disappointment thread I read is about a boy!!
So sad, I’ve just found out I’m having my second boy and can’t wait!
If you have a strong preference you shouldn't find out!

SnakesBarmitzvah · 30/04/2019 11:00

Why did you have a gender reveal if you knew that there was 50% chance that you were going to be upset with the results??

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