has anyone here ever gotten over 4th degree tears ...........im struggling

[kittenbaby]

hi girls
had my beautiful gorgeous bay girl on the 27th of june so 19 days ago
i did so well during the labour and giving birth
only had gas and air during the labour and nothing at the pushing stage
apart from the fact i was in the water
thought everything had gone so well
after dd was born i delivered the plactena naturally after nearly and hour while bf dd
and i thought thats it ive done it!

then when i was examined the mw said we need to get someone more senior to look at you the look of horror on her face im not sure ill forget
then a sister examined me then a doctor then a surgeon they said i had 4th degree tears
i never knew anything like that existed and that id have to have a spinal tap and a repair operation
i was crying my eyes out even though when i was in labour and giving birth i was pretty silent and just got on with it
i found the examinations far far far worse than the labour and birth
thats was the worse bit
but here i am 19 days only and im still so so sore

really thought i would be getting over this repair op by now
never knew natrual childbirth could do this to you
last monday my mw took swabs from the stiches to check for any infection
i called the surgery this am and the swabs have come back clear which i am v v v relieved about
but its so sore
its making feel frustated
but what can i do?
ive been reserching 4th degree tears on the net to se how long its gonna take me to get over it and it doesnt sounds good
it seems as if 4th degree tears are v v uncommon and i just cant understand how this has happened to me
like if i had had an epidural or even pethidine and had lost the urge to push and had to had forceps or vontouse and that had caused it then i could understand why it happened
or if dd got stuck and they had to rush her out , or if she came out the wrong way round i could understand it obv im glad those things didnt happen but then id understand what happened

but i only had gas and air
was on all fours
was in the water
only pushed when i was told to do so
i just cant understand it
ive been taking the lactulose the surgeon told me to take and have 2 baths a day with lavender oil drops taking arnica and paracetamol and ibuprofen not sure if i could take any stronger painkillers due to bf
just can believe this has happened
kittenbaby xx

{{{hugs}}}

you have my complete sympathy. I had very bad 3rd degree tear with ds. Very similar birth to you, only gas and air, I was very calm and it all went so well. I was so proud of myself.

I too remmber that look of horror on the nurses face as she examined me. I truly thought it was all over, wasn't even expecting that final examination, and then the doctor came in and said I had to go to theatre and have a spinal and I just couldn't believe it They took my baby off to the nursery and I sobbed my heart out.

All I can say is it does get better quickly. Once I stopped bleeding my stitches started to heal very quickly. Especially if I could get 'air' to them iyswim!

I promise you it will get better soon. Just let your body do it in it's own time. It did a great job of getting dd out didn't it!

And if you look at dd you know she's worth it!

So sorry for you I'm afraid I don't have any advice about 4th degree tears but I had a cs and took codeine and morphine whilst breastfeeding (codeine can make you constipated though so maybe not good for you). If you're still in pain do go and ask your doctor for stronger painkillers, they might be able to suggest something. Really hope things get better quickly.

Hi,
I really feel for you. I don't know much about tears, but just wanted to say wow, what a fab birth, you should feel really chuffed & try not to let this put a downer on what an incredible job you have just done. I was going to suggest Arnica, but you are already taking it. You might want to try extra vic c, garlic, maybe echinecha(sp), not sure if you can take that while breastfeeding, to help boost your immune system & healing. I had shallow baths with a few drops of tea tree oil with my stiches. Oh, try to do your pelvic floor exercises, this will help you heal down there.
HTH

Congratulations on your baby girl!
so sorry you are finding this hard to get over but keep in mind that you will!
I had very similar to you and mylittlestar, no pain relief etc only to have to go through the whole horrible process after you have worked so hard to give birth to your baby. Try to relax and rest as much as you can. Have you got support from family and friends, people who could give you a hand round the house?
I too was left wondering what went wrong, did I do something to cause this to happen? Your body will heal itself in time (I was ok after about 8weeks) but if you are still traumatised by this then contact your midwife for a debrief. She can talk you through what happened and give you a better understanding of why these things just do occur. Let us know how you are doing - you're not alone in this x

Totally agree with massivebigpantsface, if you think it will help then talk it through with your midwife to get some reassurance.

I too couldn't understand how it had happened and then started to think 'well why didn't anyone notice it was going to happen and then do an episiotomy', what did I do wrong, why was it so bad... etc ... But these things do just happen. For so many reasons.

You should be so proud of yourself for the birth you had and believe us, in a few weeks when you're really starting to heal you will feel so much better and be back to normal in no time.

xx

Sorry to hear you're still suffering. As far as I know, you can take diclofenac (voltarol) while bf (I did for a slow healing episiotomy) and it's much stronger than paracetamol. (Doesn't make you constipated like codeine does, either.) I'd ask your gp for some. Hope you get better soon.

thanks to everyone for all your replies xx

little star do u know why you had such bad tearing? can you remember how long it took you to recover ? and have you been advised to have a c section with anymore children?

massivebigpantsface
i do have a grat dh who is doing grat doing all the cooking etc,cleaning has gone a bit out of the window though my mum has even told me i should be helping dh with the cooking and doing a bit more ffs !!
dont think really understands the full extent of whats happened to be she thinks ive just had a few stiches not a major repair job
also do you know why it happened to you ?
thanks for making me feel im not alone in this

oh that it so annoying - I did think that people just thought I'd had 'a few stitches' too , and you don't very well want to keep explaining to all and sundry what has happened to your sphincter do you?! very - and to be honest you shouldn't need to.

I had expected to be told that I would have to have a cs next time but when I had my debriefing the mw said that considering how well I dealt with the labour there would be no reason I couldn't have a homebirth even!
I also had a meeting with the consultant who repaired the tear and he said much the same.

They did not believe there was any reason why the tear had occured (mine was 3rd degree btw), it really was just one of those things.

hi kittenbaby same here they really couldn't explain why it happened. they said if they'd have noticed it was likely to happen they would definitely have done the episiotomy so the mw was almost as shocked as me when she examined me and realised how bad it was!

I think it took me until my 6 week check to be feeling almost back to normal. Then ds was about 10 weeks when we first had sex again and that was absolutely fine (even though I was as nervous as hell!)

then I had to have an anal scan to see how it had healed and decide if any future births would have to be a cs. I was dreading that day so much. think ds was 3 months old by then.
the scan literally took seconds, did not hurt at all and was absolutely fine.

the doctor said it had healed really well and there was absolutely no reason why I can't have a natural birth next time. but just said they would probably do an episiotomy as a matter of course just to remove the risk of it happening (obviously much better to have a clean cut that can easily be stitched, as opposed to a tear which is unpredictable).

but honestly I am 100% fine now and no after effects at all. by the time ds was a few months old I was absolutely fine.

You're definitely not alone. Post here if you need any more advice or support. So many of us have been through it. xx

i had a very big tear with ds1 , not sure what degree but it too 30 mins to stitch up (i had already had epidural) recovery from this was so much worse than the labour, ireally feel for you. you build up to getting through delivery then expect the pain to be done. as others have said, once the locia is less it all heals more easily, try to air the area as much as possible. i went on to have easy drug free delivery with ds2 with only a small tear, dont let it put you off and congratulations.