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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant after baby loss at 21 weeks

11 replies

peamad · 26/04/2019 10:16

I have just found out I'm pregnant after losing my son at 21 weeks in January. Is anyone else here in a similar situation? I'm feeling a huge roller coaster of emotions that I'm struggling to handle. My husband is terrified of losing another child and seems to be reluctant to discuss this pregnancy because he finds it too painful/scary. I want to optimistic, but dont have much support because we are reluctant to tell anyone about the pregnancy yet.

OP posts:
snoopy18 · 26/04/2019 10:27

Hey no experience with this but just wanted to say sending positive vibes your way & wishing you the very best for the pregnancy. It’s anxiety driven at the best of times so can only imagine how you both are feeling right now Flowers

Angelinthenightx · 26/04/2019 10:36

Hi i lost a baby at 20wks & i fell pregnant 3 months later,happend 10years ago ,i had more babies after & now im pregnant again,so i know what your going through.
You will always be more worried just remember every baby is different & the chance of anything going wrong is small. You should be able to get help from your midwife to cope with your worries x

Teddybear45 · 26/04/2019 10:38

I find planning helps. What was the reason the baby died last time - Have you requested all of the checks you needed to, got all the meds you need and support?

I have two clotting disorders (and another autoimmune one) and have had issues with implantation failure but now I’m pregnant I’m terrified of miscarrying (issues increase likelihood of late miscarriage) and the only thing that keeps me sane is meeting consultants to ensure how I can keep on top of my health and they are aware of my needs. I did L1 tests prior to my pregnancy (IVF pregnancy) but if you haven’t had them, suggest you ask for them from your GP or consultant. They may identify things that may be a cause of late miscarriage and give you meds.

Original poster
peamad · 26/04/2019 10:43

Thanks everyone. Sadly our son had multiple severe abnormalities due to a chromosomal disorder, and so we made the heart breaking decision to terminate :( In my heart I know the chances of something like that happening again are tiny, but I don't want to get my hopes up in case something goes wrong. The consultant at the time said we will be able to get extra scans/checks this time, but even that is anxiety-provoking, because I now have a fear of hospitals and doctors...

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 26/04/2019 10:44

Were you ever offered counselling?

Original poster
peamad · 26/04/2019 10:55

Yes I saw a therapist which definitely helped. II still think of my son all the time though. It is complicated because I also suffered PTSD after the traumatic birth of my first child (who is the light of our lives), and I have never fully recovered from it. I am desperate for another baby but everything to do with pregnancy, labour and birth is massively triggering for me.

OP posts:
angel0071987 · 26/04/2019 13:24

We lost our last one at 15+6 due to chromosomal problems and cystic hygroma. I'm now 17weeks with this one. Can't relax or enjoy the pregnancy at all despite knowing that everything is looking healthy in this pregnancy.

KTD27 · 26/04/2019 13:40

I had a TFMR at 18 weeks and my 9 month old daughter who followed is currently asleep soundly. It’s a really weird and tough time. I’ve seen it said and repeated myself that the ‘innocence’ of pregnancy is gone after an experience like you’ve had. Try to centre yourself when you feel yourself becoming anxious and ask your midwife / consultant to make a plan with you so you remain happy throughout. For me it was a NIPT so I could rule out chromosomal issues again. Then it was regular scans with the fetal medical consultants who were amazing. I then had a planned c section as I found I was very triggered by the idea of labour and it was much better for my mental health. Good luck with everything. I’m sure that all will be well Flowers

Original poster
peamad · 26/04/2019 14:36

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've just spoken to the fetal medicine unit but they have said they want to treat this like any other pregnancy and wont do additional tests. Our son had digeorge syndrome, which I dont think can be detected with NIPT? Otherwise we may try to pay privately. I'm glad your c section helped relieve your anxiety, unforutnately that scares me even more after my emergency section with my first baby.

OP posts:
angel0071987 · 26/04/2019 16:25

@peamad can you not get your dr to refer you to them to be seen? That's crazy they won't see you. Our dd had turners and we were seen by the fetal medicine team no problem this time. Although given how we had three recurrent miscarriages too that may have impacted things

KTD27 · 26/04/2019 17:19

Agreed!! Totally crazy they won’t see you. Any chance you could transfer your care to another hospital? You might have to advocate for yourself a little bit. I say this having a mum who was a midwife for 40 years.
Re: the section you do WHATEVER it takes to feel comfortable. A birth with a pool and whale music? Fine. One with every drug they’ve got? Fine. Induction? Fine. Whatever it takes. It’s a new pregnancy. A new baby. All new.

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