Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

First time pregnancy, dont know what to do!

18 replies

AimeeJay · 25/04/2019 18:33

Hi, I've just found out I'm about 5 weeks pregnant (according to google) this was totally unplanned and I've just got no idea what to do! Im 21, Partner is 14 years older than me, with 2 kids to 2 different mothers, he isn't in a strong financial situation to be able to afford another child but he wont really speak to me about this. Friends and family are saying do what's best for me but I really dont know!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Bigearringsbigsmile · 25/04/2019 18:36

If i were you I would arrange a termination and then get some good contraception sorted.
I would then take a good look at my life and think if I really want to be with a financially insecure man , who is much older than you and has children to two different women.
You are 21 fgs and you have the whole world at your feet.

Original poster
AimeeJay · 25/04/2019 18:41

Well, I've been with him a year and a half, hes just lost his job recently hence the money situation. He isn't just a lazy bum, hes a really good person and even has full custody of one of the kids

OP posts:
Leleophants · 25/04/2019 18:57

You need to look after yourself and realise what you're worth! If you have this child he will always be in your life. Would you be willing to go it all alone?

Wolfiefan · 25/04/2019 19:00

Having full custody of one existing child doesn’t mean he’s in the right place to have another one. Or that he’s a great bloke.
If you weren’t planning a child and he won’t speak about it then you need to assume the relationship is over and consider if you want to and if you can do this as a single parent.
Some counselling would help you to weigh up your options.

Original poster
AimeeJay · 25/04/2019 19:00

That's the thing, hes always said he wanted a child with me at some point, obviously this has happened now and it's not great for him. I could afford it, but with him not working he couldn't. I'm so torn because I've always wanted my own child and whenever I think about abortion I feel awful and guilty but on the other hand, is it a wise decision to carry on?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/04/2019 19:03

Talk is cheap. He said that but now you’re pg he’s singng a different tune. People sometimes say what they think their relatively new partners want to hear in order to keep them.
Do you want to do this alone? Because realistically that’s what you would be doing. Could you?

Original poster
AimeeJay · 25/04/2019 19:15

I dont know, I know nobody else can decide for me I think I just needed to rant it all out. I've just found out today so everythings still up in the air and fresh

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/04/2019 19:26

Of course it is. That’s why a pregnancy choice type counsellor would give you some time and space to air your concerns.
What about maternity leave? Money? Childcare? Do you have support other than him? Think of the practical stuff if it helps. You don’t have to have this baby. Would you be happier keeping it and being alone or not having it (but still ditching him.)

Original poster
AimeeJay · 25/04/2019 19:47

I work full time as a carer, like I say I could afford a child but not sure about him. I've got my family, brother, mam, stepdad, dad, stepmam etc etc. I just dont think having a baby is worth splitting up for? It's what I've always wanted but the circumstances arent right

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/04/2019 20:15

If you’re pregnant and he won’t even discuss it then the relationship is over. He’s showing you he won’t support you.

Original poster
AimeeJay · 25/04/2019 20:19

I don't know if hes just reacting to the shock, I haven't tried to initiate any conversation but he hasn't said anything, maybe should give it a few days to let him come to terms?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/04/2019 20:21

A real partner will talk to you. Even if it’s just to say they’re shocked. He’s telling you who he is. (Two kids already by two different women too. He’s not in this for the long run.)

NotSoThinLizzy · 25/04/2019 20:26

Give it a couple of days. Then try talk again. It's you that gets to decide not him, not anyone. Could be the shock of it all.

notangelinajolie · 25/04/2019 20:28

It great that you have your family and friends to talk to who by the sounds of it have your best interests at heart. I wish you well OP only you can decide what's best for you Flowers

DinoMamasaurus · 25/04/2019 20:29

I think the debatable shortcomings of your partner aside you need to approach this decision based on what YOU want and what you can do. It’s going to have an impact on you either way so talking to someone in RL about the decision will hopefully help you get some clarity and certainty on what you want. It’s easy for other people to say do this/that but it’s your head and your heart that are living this so take your time and think about what you want.

Prequelle · 25/04/2019 20:30

OP it's not a good sign that he won't talk to you about it. He doesn't sound very nice.

kkl1 · 25/04/2019 21:49

Wow some people are very harsh you have just found out and he just lost his job he is proberly in shock and doesn't no what todo him self right now my advice would be if u are having doubts over a abortion don't do it as u will regret it later on in life yes maybe u might not have this baby with him an bring the baby up alone but like u said u have family support I think as u have just found out ur self give ur self time to think before gettin loads of people negative comments good luck to what ever you chose Smile

kkl1 · 25/04/2019 21:52

And just to point out even when dads are ok and happy it still doesn't always work out

New posts on this thread. Refresh page