What would you do in this situation?

[GreenDill]

Not sure if I’m posting in the right section but here goes!

MIL smokes in the house, and has informed me she’s planning on using a Moses basket that’s been on top of her wardrobe uncovered from previous grandchild when we visit with our DS. MIL has also said the most she’s planning on doing before we visit with baby is air the downstairs out.

I have DD from a previous relationship and when she was a newborn I wouldn’t even let anybody that had smoked recently hold her.

I’ve mentioned the issues of newborns being exposed to cigarette smoke to dp and haven’t had much response ..I’ve slyly suggested to that we buy a new Moses basket for MIL’s house (and keep it at home and in the plastic until he’s born etc) but he thinks I’m being rude and offensive to his mother.

I really don’t know how to approach it without causing more offence but I’m so uncomfortable with the idea of him being laid down in a Moses basket that’s been exposed to so much smoke etc .. and I’m not sure if I’m just being precious and DP has so kindly put it

Do you have to visit her house? I certainly wouldn’t take newborn to a smelly, smokers house and let them sleep in a Moses basket that will be stinking of cigarettes.

I don't think you're being precious and I certainly wouldn't use the Moses basket. Second hand smoke is thought to be a possible factor for SIDS

Well I wouldn't use it like you. However how often are you actually there? My in laws live close by so DD gets cuddles then maybe a short nap on me but doesn't sleep as such.

My parents are further away and have a basket. If we go there I just take my next to me and just said she prefers that? Would that work?

I have a bouncer at Inlaws as well but have never needed to put baby down for a sleep.

Nobody will protect and fight for your baby like you will, this is unfortunately going to be your first baby.
I would be to the point but do it light-hearted, "oh mil, you can't seriously expect me to put my newborn in that. We'll bring our own Moses basket"
If the house stinks of smoke when you visit, tell her and explain she can come to you (after a change of clothes).
Good luck!

You baby's health is more important than mils feelings!

*battle not baby!

I would be quite forthright about it - I would simply say I don't want my newborn BC around cigarette smoke as it's bad for them. If MIL is sensible she should know to take steps to get rid of the smell etc. If she doesn't I would still visit but only for v short periods and DC would only sleep in her pram, def not in that basket. Sorry, but I see this as one of those situations where you can't just be quiet to keep the peace, it's important to stand up for your DC.

Why does the baby need a moses basket at MILs house? Will they be sleeping over a lot as a newborn?

I would mention too that second hand mattress is a risk too so might just be worth buying a new one altogether

Smokers give off harmful chemicals thought to be a factor in SIDS for up to 20 minutes after having a cigarette, even if they chew gum/change clothes. I absolutely would never have my newborn in a smoked out environment. I don't believe it is being precious at all. It's medical fact and it's your baby. You only take the risks you are comfortable with.

You're not being precious at all. When both my DD's were born the midwives said that if my brother was to smoke he had to do it outside with a coat/jumper on and then take it off before coming near them. They're quite strict about it. Trying showing your DP information from places like the lullaby trust or bring it up when you're at a midwife's appointment if he goes to them with you.